At one point, William Malone was on top of the horror world — well, of the 90’s and the less said about that era the better — thanks to his remake of House on Haunted Hill. And then came feardotcom.

Wanting to make a movie that looked “basically like a nightmare,” this ended up being one of twenty-one films* that audience polling service CinemaScore — “the industry leader in measuring movie appeal among theatre audiences” — rated an F.

Stephen Dorff is Detective Mike Reilly and Stephen Rea is serial killer Alistair Pratt. They’re up against one another and have one thing in common: both actors deserve much better.

Also deserving better: Udo Keir and Jeffrey Combs.

All of Pratt’s victims have visited a website called feardotcom.com which shows torture porn. Once they view it, they all go insane and then kill themselves within 48 hours, kind of, sort of and totally like The Ring.

The site is actually the ghost of one of Pratt’s first kills, so there’s the twist. Did I ruin it for you? Or did I save you from watching this?

Well, it’s on Tubi. So watch it if you dare, I guess. Right?

*The others are Alone in the Dark, The Box, Big, Darkness, The Devil Inside, Disaster Movie, Doctor T and the Women, Eye of the Beholder, I Know Who Killed Me, In the Cut, Killing Them Softly, Lost Souls, Lucky Numbers, mother!, Silent House, Solaris, The Turning, the remake of The Wicker Man, Wolf Creek and the remake of The Grudge.

Even though the fourth installment of this series was called Tomie: The Final Chapter – Forbidden Fruit, we all know that any sequel happy series that promises a final chapter are always liars.

Tomie Hashimoto writes vampire fiction and gets made fun of for being a Lolita by the other girls by day and lives alone with her distant and widowed father by night. One day, while trying to jewelry, Tomie H. meets Tomie Kawakami, who she brings into her fictional life. But their meeting was no coincidence.

Tomie H.’s father, Kazuhiko, was involved with Tomie K. years and years ago, back before she was murdered. He even named his daughter after her. Once Tomie K. meets him, she casts her spell and demands that he kill her daughter. He replies by cutting off her head and throwing it into the river, which Tomie H. finds the head and nurses it back into a larval state.

Like many teen relationships, a fight comes between them, so Tomie H. throws her friend off a building, which only brings her back stronger, so she kills her with an arrow and gets her father’s help to freeze and destroy Tomie K., who of course wins over the father and nearly kills our heroine, who is saved by a worker at the ice company.

She goes back to her fictional world, except now she has an ear of Tomie that she is growing to be her true friend.

Shun Nakahara, who directed this, is another young Japanese filmmaker who came from the world of adult video. I found this to be one of the more interesting Tomie movies. As for the lesbian tease of Forbidden Fruit, it’s mostly implied and refers to the pomegranate, which the two eat together in one scene.

Some Jewish scholars believe pomegranates were the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. The fruit is also listed as one of the Seven Species of special products of the Land of Israel and symbolizes the mystical experiences of the kabbalah. Finally, look no further than the Songs of Solomon for this quote: “Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet, and thy speech is comely: thy temples are like a piece of a pomegranate within thy locks.”

So yeah, they’re totally talking about sex.

There are decades between the worlds of Kinji Fukasaku and Takeshi Miike, but this is the movie that unites both of their lengthy resumes. They’re very different filmmakers, so seeing them both tell the story of Goro Fujita’s book and the life of Rikio Ishikawa.

The original film takes place in the years following World War II, but this version takes place in a very different time, as the late 80’s economic boom is about to give way to the depression of the 90’s. It also changes how its protagonist enters the world of crime. Here, he bluntly — literally — saves the life of a boss when an assassin (Miike) comes in like he’s in a completely different film, double guns blazing, only to be knocked down with a chair.

But just like in the previous version of this story, Rikuo cannot be tamed. Or reasoned with. Or expected to act like a normal human being. He drags down everyone he comes near and turns on anyone close to him. He is a force of horrible nature and corrupts everything he touches.

This is perhaps the most restrained movie you’ll see Miike. Don’t take that as boring. Even a more dramatic version of the director is still more whiplash than three lesser talents put together.

You can get this movie as part of the Graveyards of Honor set recently released by Arrow Video. It comes with Kinji Fukasaku’s 1975 version, as well as audio commentary by Miike biographer Tom Mes, a visual essay by author and critic Kat Ellinger and archival features like interviews with Miike and the cast, making-of features, press release interviews and a premiere special.

Neil Marshall has directed several Game of Thrones stories, as well as the remake of Hellboy. This movie is much better than that one by several dog hairs. It’s the story of a squad of six British soldiers who are on maneuvers when they meet an enemy even more deadly than they are — a werewolf.

Private Lawrence Cooper (Kevin McKidd, Trainspotting) failed his special forces test because he refused to shoot a dog. Now, he’s stuck back with his old unit in the Scottish Highlands for wargames against an SAS team. As soon as they get there, they find the remains of those men and realize that maybe they shouldn’t be here.

Before long, the team’s commander Captain Richard Ryan (Liam Cunningham, The Card Player) reveals that they were here to capture a werewolf alive. What follows are twists, turns, double-crosses and bloody death. It’s a nailbiter and honestly, I don’t want to give much away.

There was talk of a sequel, Dog Soldiers: Fresh Meat, and a prequel, Dog Soldiers: Legacy, but neither ended up being made.

Between references to H.G. Welles, Zulu, The Matrix, Evil Dead, Jurassic Park, The Company of Wolves, The Searchers, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Jaws, Zabriskie Point, A Bridge Too Far, Apocalypse Now, The Shining, Southern Comfort, An American Werewolf In London, Predator, Love, Honor and Obey, Battle Royale, the TV show Spaced (Simon Pegg was almost in this)and Aliens,  this movie is packed with references to other genre favorites. Marshall would later claim, “I think I got completely carried away.”

You can watch this on Pluto.

All things come to an end with Bond, as this is the last Pierce Brosnan movie. It’s packed with product placement — even more than many Bond films — and was nearly the pilot for a series of films with Halle Berry’s Jinx Johnson character. MGM wanted to move on to a new series, to the dismay of Eon. It would have been interesting.

This film starts with Bond enduring 14 months of torture in North Korea and stripped of his 00 status after MI6 believes that he gave up information under torture. This puts him on the case of Gustav Graves, a seller of conflict diamonds who ends up being the very same Colonel Moon who held him as a POW.

For all of the derision tossed the way of this film, the Aston Martin V12 Vanquish ice castle sequence is — for me — on par with the Lotus Espirit scene in The Spy Who Loved Me. Roger Moore disliked both these scene and the CGI in this film, calling it a franchise low. This is the man who made A View to a Kill, so just imagine that.

Piling on the scorn, Elton John claimed that the Madonna theme for this film was the “worst Bond tune ever.” Madonna also shows up in a brief cameo.

Director Lee Tamahori has an interesting resume, with everything from Once Were Warriors, xXX: State of the Union and Along Came a Spider on his IMDB list.

As this film was released on the fortieth anniversary of Dr. No, former Bond actors Moore, George Lazenby and Timothy Dalton joined Brosnan at the premiere. Connery was busy filming The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

If the Austin Powers movie parodied Bond before, with the third installment, they go way over the top. This movie not only is a version of Goldfinger, it also has parts of You Only Live Twice, Live and Let Die, The Man with the Golden Gun, The Spy Who Loved Me and GoldenEye.

It also has a movie-within-a-movie called Austinpussy, directed by Steven Spielberg — who famously didn’t get to make a Bond film — and stars Tom Cruise as Powers, Gwyneth Paltrow as Dixie Normous, Kevin Spacey as Dr. Evil, Danny DeVito as Mini-Me and John Travolta as Goldmember.

The people that were making Bond took notice. The title of the film, Goldmember, led to legal action being taken by MGM and the brief removal of the film’s title from trailers and posters. The lawsuit stopped when a provision was added that every showing of the film would come with trailers for the next Bond film, Die Another Day, and The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.

Dr. Evil (Mike Myers) plans to travel back in time to 1975 and bring back Johan van der Smut (also Myers), also known as “Goldmember.” Their plan is to use a tractor beam to pull a meteor into the Earth, smashing into the polar ice caps and causing a global flood. Austin foils this attempt and is knighted, but saddened when his father Nigel (Michael Caine, referencing The Ipcress File) doesn’t show up.

There’s also more time travel, Beyonce as Foxy Cleopatra (pretty much every blacksploitation heroine all rolled into one), the return of Mini-Me and Fat Bastard, a Japanese businessman named Mr. Roboto, the revelation that Evil and Austin are brothers, another revelation that Frau Farbissina is Scott Evil’s mother, tons of cameos and, of course, Clint Howard.

Believe it or not, this is also the only movie that Michael Caine and Michael York have ever been in together.

In the eighteen years since this film, Myers has continually hinted that he has a fourth film in the works from Dr. Evil’s point of view. Sadly, Verne Troyer died in 2018, so there will be no Mini Me. But here’s hoping that it happens someday.

After The Fast and the Furious, Rob Cohen and Vin Diesel teamed up again to create this James Bond for the 2000’s. Xander Cage is a stuntman and X-Sports loving rebel who gets hired by the NSA to infiltrate a gang of Russian terrorists named Anarchy 99, who have acquired a biochemical weapon called Silent Night.

Seriously, this movie couldn’t be more 2000’s if it was filmed inside a Hot Topic while everyone was wearing JNCO jeans.

NSA Agent Augustus Gibbons (Samuel Jackson) offers Cage a deal. He’ll clean his criminal record if he joins up and stops the Russian group.

Seeing as how this is a 2000’s movie, of course Danny Trejo shows up as a criminal. Asia Argento shows up as Yelena, a Russian undercover agent who falls for Xander. There are also plenty of cameos, like Eve, Rammstein, Tony Hawk, Mike Vallely, Carey Hart, Matt Hoffman and Buckcherry singer Josh Todd. Seriously, this movie is so 2000’s that it tastes like Surge.

The film immediately sends up Bond by having a version of him — Agent Jim McGrath (played by Thomas Ian Griffith, who was Jan Valek in John Carpenter’s Vampires) — get killed off before the action begins.

As much fun as I’ve made of this movie for being dated — just check out Vin’s fur coat — the Bond movies probably feel the same way for some people. Oh well — any movie with Asia in it is worth watching, right?

AUTHOR’S NOTE: As part of James Bond month, I’ve brought back this review, originally published on December 29, 2019, for you to check out. This has just been re-released on blu ray by Mill Creek, so it’s easy to find.

Based on the 1960’s TV series that starred Robert Culp and Bill Cosby, this 2002 remake unites Owen Wilson as Special Agent Alex Scott and Eddie Murphy as boxer Kelly Robinson. Together, they must bring back a stolen spyplane from arms dealer Arnold Gundars (Malcolm McDowell).

Plus, you also get to see Famke Janssen as Special Agent Rachel Wright and well, that’s pretty much worth watching this movie for.

Evil arms dealer Gundars is sponsoring Robinson’s next match and using the event to auction off the stolen plane called the Switchblade. The agency has assigned Robinson as the civilian cover for Scott’s mission to get the plane back. Gary Cole, a long-time favorite of mine, also plays Carlos, the agent that everyone else wants to be.

This was directed by Betty Thomas, who was also behind Only You, The Brady Bunch Movie, Private Parts and 28 Days amongst others. It was written by Cormac and Marianne Wibberley, who wrote The 6th Day, Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, Bad Boys II and both National Treasure movies. They were joined by Jay Scherick and David Ronn on the scriptwriting duties. They both worked on the Baywatch theatrical film and Zookeeper.

There’s a cute cameo when Robinson speaks to George W. Bush, as that’s Will Ferrell doing the voice.

I Spy is a strange show to remake, as I don’t know anyone that would be clamoring for a new version of the show. That said, it’s a fun movie and Murphy and Wilson mesh well together.

This has just been re-released by the great people at Mill Creek Entertainment. Check out their new blu ray release right here.

DISCLAIMER: This was sent to us by Mill Creek.