Full Moon, you so crazy. You filmed this Peter David written story and somehow put aliens in space and got Andrew Divorff to play the villainous Red Eye in a movie that feels a lot like an adult version of BraveStarr. They also grabbed Meg Foster, Isaac Hayes, George Takei, Julie Newmar and Carel Struycken, the giant from Twin Peaks to help tell the story of how the outer space west was won.

If a Western can contain empaths, aliens that can foresee death and cyborgs, then let this be that Western.

They filmed Backlash: Oblivion 2 at the same time, so if you liked this, good news. There’s more waiting for you.

Written by Charles Band, this was directed by Sam Irvin, who also made Elvira’s Haunted Hills.

You can watch this on Tubi.

While a sequel to Class of 1999, none of the storylines cross over from that film. There is, however, flashback footage on hand to help pad out the running time and give some vague remembrance of what has gone on before.

This movie is the very definition of a “the store’s closing, you better grab something” VHS rental era pick.

John Bolen — no relation to my old roommate and TNA Gut Check winner — is the new substitute teacher in Bend, Oregon. He beats up some punks for skipping class and when another teacher threatens to narc on him, he breaks the guy’s neck. John is played by Sasha Mitchell, who was Cody Lambert on Step by Step.

While obviously one of the androids from the last movie, John can still fall in love with a fellow teacher and go to war with a museum currator played by Nick Cassavetes (The Wraith).

There is also much paintballing and a year before Monica Lewinsky mention that Clinton had been indicted.

Originally called Class of 2001: The Substitute, this was directed by Spiro Razatos, who is still doing stunt work on this day on movies like the new Fast and the Furious and the Marvel films.

You can watch this on Tubi.

The title of this film is The Throne of Hell and madre de dios do I have a story to tell you about it. This movie is quite literally everything you want a 1994 cheaply made Mexican movie about possession to be, and by that, I mean it’s packed with gore and bad taste. That’s pretty much the description for nearly every movie that I love.

A group of archeologists excavating some Aztec ruins in Mexico City uncover a bizarre jar that has fumes that come out of it and before you can say Pazuzu, the main one has been possessed and begins wiping out people in all sorts of creative ways, like crucifying a woman upside down with a crown of thorns.

If you wonder, “Will they slowly take the nails out and have blood spray everywhere?” you have been watching too many Mexican horror films just like me.

A Catholic bishop figures out the solution: call for the Angel, who can walk on water and already has a demon-killing sword which may be Excalibur and the Seven Seals. Luckily, they also have a giant attache case with a gleaming gold shield, too. He’s some kind of Templar Knight. The big bad turns into a rubber-suited monster and they do battle.

This movie moves slowly in points and at other times, it rewards you with scenes of priests being launched out of windows and cops exploding. There’s also a solar eclipse and an earthquake, if you’re into those kinds of things.

Sergio Goyri plays both the knight and directed this, so I’m kind of hoping that it was some kind of crazy passion project. Every time I was ready to check out, this movie would reward me with something off the wall.

I spent lots of money to get this on DVD. Obviously, my love for the Police Academy movies — not to mention Christopher Lee and owning absolute junk on physical media — is unmatched.

You know what’s awesome about the world that we live in? Of all the movies to be amongst the first Western films to be shot in the Soviet Union, one of the Police Academy films would be one of them, lensing right in the midst of Red Square.

Commandant Eric Lassard (George Gaynes), Sergeant Larvell Jones (Michael Winslow), Sergeant Eugene Tackleberry (David Graf) and Captain Debbie Callahan (Leslie Easterbrook) are joined by Cadet Kyle  Connors (Charlie Schlatter) and the despised Capt. Thaddeus Harris (G. W. Bailey).

Wait? Where’s Captain Moses Hightower? Well, Bubba Smith was asked to return, but when he was told that Sergeant Laverne Hooks (Marion Ramsey) wouldn’t be involved, he quit. This is exactly like the scene in the first Police Academy, which kind of makes me emotional.

Russian gangster Konstantine Konali (Ron Perlman!) is using Tetris to launder money. Russian Commandant Alexandrei Nikolaivich Rakov (Christopher Lee!) beings in help from the man he met at a police convention, Commandant Lassard.

Hijinks, as they say, ensue.

Is that Claire Forlani? Is that original Mousketeer Lonnie Burr as a gay Russian? Would you believe that the October 4, 1993 assault on the Russian parliament building almost took out the entire production team?

For his part, Perlman considers his work in this movie “a public service”, as he felt that he shut down the series, exclaiming, “I’m not going to apologize. I did that piece of shit.”

He forgets — as does most of the rest of the non-bonkers world, that there was a 1997 syndicated Police Academy series that followed a new crew of recruits across 26 episodes. Only Winslow would return as Jones, but there were guest-starring roles for Easterbrook with Callahan becoming a district attorney, Art Metrano as Mauser, Gaynes as Lassard, Graf as Tackleberry, who is now a Captain, Colleen Camp appearing in archival footage and Tim Kazurinsky as Sweetchuck. Bubba Smith would finally come back as well, with Hightower being promoted to Captain in episode 19.

There was also a 65-episode cartoon series that spawned a comic book and Kenner action figure line, which is amazing when you consider that the original Police Academy movies earned their R rating.

While the TV series is unavailable on DVD or even streaming, the cartoon certainly is. It was animated by Toei. Yes, the same studio that made Dragonball Z and Sailor Moon.

You’d think I’d stop after three Vice Academy movies. Guess what? I’m the person that watched 160 slashers in October and 130 spy movies in April. I’ll watch every single Vice Academy movie that comes my way.

Candy (Elizabeth Kaitan, who played this role in Vice Academy 3 to 6) and her new partner Samantha (Rebecca Rocheford) are up against Malathion (Julia Parton), who has broken out of jail again. Yes, it’s the same plot as just about every other one of these films, but you aren’t watching this for the plot.

The Commissioner and Miss Thelma are getting married, as long as our villain and her new man Anvil (Steve Mateo, who was Professor Kaufinger in 3 and Brock in 5) have their sinister way.

Rick Sloane based one of the characters in this movie on his mom. Yes, in a sex comedy. That’s why I love life. Even when things seem dark, weirdness in all its wonder is all around us.

You will learn nothing from this movie. You will not find the secret to any mystery. You will see some girls in 90’s underwear and some dumb cop jokes. That said, perhaps those two things are the answer to life.

James O’Barr created The Crow as a way to deal with the death of his fiancee at the hands of a drunk driver. Today, we may know it more for the death of its lead actor Brandon Lee. Take it from someone who was 22 when the original film came out and had already been a fan of the comic — it was the perfect movie for its time, a capsule ready made to be looked back on as I am now old and have so many memories around this time.

Eric Draven (Lee) has been killed after trying to save the life of his fiancee Shelley. One year later, a crow brings him back to life as he unleashes terror on the gang of Top Dollar (Michael Wincott, Strange Days).

It’s an incredibly simple tale of revenge, but the gothic look and soundtrack that reflects the time of its creation drive this movie beyond its simple origins. I remember being beyond excited when My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult was actually in the film, playing at Top Dollar’s club before his gang heads out to set Detroit ablaze on Devil’s Night.

Of course, there has long been discussion of the film being cursed. In addition to the accident where Michael Massee shot a live round — unbeknownst to the actor — a carpenter suffered serious burns, another worker was stabbed in the hand by a screwdriver, an equipment truck blew up, a stuntman broke his ribs, a rigger was electrocuted, a set sculptor flipped out and drove his car through the prop room and finally, a hurricane destroyed much of the set.

Another reason for so much of this — beyond fate — was that there was plenty of cost and corner cutting, with a crew member remarking that they were “trying to make a $30 million movie for $18 million.” As the movie was being shot in North Carolina, which is a right-to-work state, the unionized conditions of Hollywood did not exist. They switched schedules from night to day without the industry standard 24-hour break.  Rumors of rampant cocaine use on set also exist.

Due to Lee dying, many of the scenes had to be reshot with a double and CGI. All of the scenes with Michael Berryman’s Skull Cowboy character had to be cut, too.

Despite the tragic nature of its creation, The Crow remains a movie that reminds me of a different time in my life. Its influence on culture remains.

Harry Tasker (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is living two lives. To his wife (Jamie Lee Curtis) and his daughter (Eliza Dushku), he’s a boring computer salesman. But that’s all a cover for his real job, as an agent of the elite Omega Sector. He’s Bond but perhaps even better, as the opening of the film shows him easily seduce Juno Skinner (Tia Carrere), steal important files and escape a society party by killing everyone in his way.

But what happens when his wife meets someone who could be a spy (Bill Paxton) and starts having an affair?

This is a movie that I’d not watched for some reason and I loved it. Particularly, I enjoyed Charlton Heston as Director Spencer Trilby and Tom Arnold as Tasker’s handler Albert Gibson. The spy action movies quickly, the action is big and bold, yet the love between Curtis and Arnold feels real.

Of course, this movie could never be made today, the way that it goes after Arabic people as terrorists. 1994 feels centuries ago in so many ways.

After September 11, 2001, Cameron decided to not do a sequel. He would say, “Terrorism is no longer something to take as lightly as we did in the first one. I just can’t see it happening given the current world climate.” Curtis would also say, “Terrorists aren’t funny anymore. They never were, but, it was distant enough from our psyche that we could make it funny. It’ll never be funny again. I just think that that is over, that kind of humor is over.”

That said, there remains a rumor that McG will be creating a series adaption for Disney+. For what it’s worth, this movie was based on the French film La Totale!, which didn’t get a sequel either.

About the Author: Paul Andolina was looking for a Bond movie for this month and found a great example of a foreign take on the spy film. You can check out his blogs Wrestling with Film and Is the Dad Alive? for more.

I’m probably not the most qualified person to write about Bond parodies as I’ve seen so few actual James Bond movies, however, I am a huge fan of Stephen Chow’s particular brand of humor. I can’t understand Cantonese so a lot of his puns and jokes go over my head but I love the physical comedy in his films which is why I sought out From Beijing with Love.

A man in an iron suit with a golden gun has stolen China’s prized dinosaur skull and Ling Ling Chat (Stephen Chow) is sent to Hong Kong to retrieve it from the foreigners. He comes across the woman he believes to be his contact in Hong Kong, Lee Heung Kam but Golden Gun has instructed her to kill him. The commander who sent Ling Ling Chat on his mission is none other than Golden Gun himself!

This movie is as funny as Stephen Chow’s other films. Ling Ling Chat, a pork vendor with amazing dagger skills but who is not smart enough to be a spy is played by Chow himself. I love his characters who are usually dumb as hell but usually have hearts of gold. I am fascinated by the foolish antics of these types of characters in his films, which are usually full of nonsense. These types of films are known as mo lei tau. Stephen Chow is a phenom in Hong Kong and now Mainland China. 

I can’t speak on much of the parody aspects of the film because I am not super well versed in Bond films. Some of the references I did pick up though was there was a character modeled after Jaws from Moonraker (Moonraker is one of the few Bond films I have actually watched), the golden gun, and the soundtrack which parodies so many of the bond type introductions I have caught here and there on television. 

If you’re not familiar at all with Stephen Chow’s output but are a huge fan of Bond films, their ripoffs and parodies you will find a lot to love with this film. I hope it leads to you seeking out some of his other films as well, even the stuff he just acts in but doesn’t direct can be hilarious and heartfelt. This movie has plenty of explosions and blood in it as well for those who enjoy carnage in their spy films. If you are a fan of Chow and mo lei tau and have not seen this film, I encourage you to seek it out. It’s especially funny how it is critical of communist China and its corruptness when 3 short years later Hong Kong was ceded back to China after British rule would end there. It’s quite amazing that this film didn’t get Chow blacklisted after the transfer of sovereignty either.