Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: F.A.R.T. the Movie (1991)

Sept 8-14 Sketchy Comedy Week: “…plotless satires, many of which were only excuses for drug humor or gratuitous nudity sprinkled with the cheapest of gags. The typical form was a channel-changing structure, which would go from one sketch to the next under the premise that this was just another night at home watching the old boob tube. The medium is the message, baby!”

When I talked about King Frat a few years ago, I wrote that “a farting contest is announced and everyone battles to have the best farts in a scene that goes on longer than you’d expect, then goes about another seven minutes past that.”

This is an hour and thirty-one minutes of farting.

One of seventy-five movies that Ray Etheridge has made, this has eight writers, with Curly Smith and Ray Atherton (the writer of Meatcleaver Massacre and the producer of Death Scenes) working with Etheridge to finish the script. One wonders what the writer’s room smelled like.

Russell (Joel Weiss) thinks he loves Heather (Shannandoah Sorin). He is more certain that he enjoys watching TV and, yes, farts. He loves farts like I love Jess Franco movies. He loves flatulence like I like my dog. Maybe more. He’s obsessed with ass flapping, air biscuits, butt tubas and anal audio.

This has hundreds of people, real sets and feels like it was blown up from SOV to 16mm at certain points. I have no idea how they got the money and the people to stay involved to make this, because it’s a torture test to watch, and yet, I feel the pull of Stockholm Syndrome, and by the end, I was just trapped by it. It made me change my name to Tanya and rob banks.

Somehow, this has a thirty-day shooting and a $43,000.00 budget. When seeking crew for the film, Daily Variety refused to run ads until the word fart was replaced with wind-breaker.

Does it have an elevator fart sketch? You know it.

An extended New Year’s Eve party that nearly breaks up the couple? Yes. The Soup Nazi is also in that scene. He’s not the Fart Fuhrer, but imagine if he were.

There’s an Evening at the Improv looking show; a Sneak Previews moment; plenty of commercials; the voice of Lord Zedd shows up; a game show called Bong Show that has a very young Kesha show up, as her mom wrote the music for this film; Conrad Brooks from Plan 9 from Outer Space and dialogue like this:

Russell: Say it. Bomber. The real gazoo. Slice city, the little sneaker, the big…

Heather: As far as I’m concerned, I do not wish to discuss the subject any further. Case closed.

Russell: Fart. Fart, fart. Fart.

Heather: Are you coming with me tonight, or not?

Russell: When you say fart. Say it, fart, fart. Fart, fart, fart, fart, fart.

There’s also a long moment where Russell keeps trying to make the pizza he is eating create more farts.

The Farley brothers were in a movie called Big Wind on Campus that was also sold as F.A.R.T. the Movie. What do these acronyms stand for? Well, the F.A.R.T. started as a 30-minute VHS sold at Spencer’s Gifts before the full 90-minute version was shat upon us.

This is a movie where child Kesha farts on an old woman. Honestly, we are gonna die young.

The back of the box says: IT’S DEFINITE FART ART.

I’m never watching a movie after this.

You can watch this on Tubi.

MVD MARQUEE COLLECTION: The Linguini Incident (1991)

Lucy (Rosanna Arquette) and Monte (David Bowie) work at Dali, a super trendy NYC nightspot. They’re both in debt, underpaid and dealing with all sorts of weirdness in their lives when they make up their minds to join up with lingerie designer Viv (Eszter Balint) and rob their workplace. But they’d have to be good at being criminals to pull that off. They are nowhere near even OK.

Also released as The IncidentHoudini and Company, The Robbery and Shag-O-Rama, this has some strange folks in it. Even the protagonist, Lucy, wants to be Houdini. Plus, the cast has several intriguing actors like Buck Henry, Marlene Matlin, Vivica Lindfors, Maura Tierney, Andre Gregory, Kathy Kinney and James Avery. Even Iman and Julian Lennon are in this.

There’s nothing really like it, so to get a better version of this after years of assembly cuts and producers’ versions is pretty cool.

Extras include an introduction by director Richard Shepard; commentary with Shepard, actors Rosanna Arquette and Eszter Balint, co-producer Sarah Jackson and co-screenwriter Tamar Brott, moderated by Cereal at Midnight host Heath Holland; commentary by Director Richard Shepard; a making-of; a photo gallery with commentary by Richard Shepard; director and theatrical cuts; a 2024 trailer; the original trailer; a limited edition slipcase and booklet with essays from film historian Graham Rinaldi and director Richard Shepard. You can order this film from MVD.

JUNESPLOITATION: Visa to Hell (1991)

June 24: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is Hong Kong Action!

A cop played by Jiu Mou (Lam Wai) wants to catch a criminal, Black Panther, played by this movie’s director, Dick Wei. It gets personal when the killer wipes out the cop’s family. When he finally corners the bad guy, instead of facing up to his punishment, the Triad member jumps to his death. That won’t stop our hero cop, who finds a Taoist priest and goes the whole way to Hell to get his revenge.

In Hell, you can shoot people, which is going to be great when all the people who thought they were following Jesus over the past few years but were in a cult that didn’t follow any of His teachings all die. It’s also awesome news for Jiu Mou, who is fighting ninjas, demons, Dracula and Black Panther, who is working for the Ghost King, a man who runs part of Hell. Also: Hell has a place where you can chill, drink beer and watch women dance.

At least Jiu Mou’s family all get umbrellas and can fly to heaven. Hell looks a lot like Earth, though, and there, everyone has the same problems they had up above. Sounds like Hell, right?

JUNESPLOITATION: Fantaghiro (1991)

June 5: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is Magic!

Lamberto Bava worked on a lot of TV, and instead of just horror, he had plenty of success with this series of films. Based on Italo Calvino’s short story “Fanta-Ghiro the Beautiful,” Bava also borrowed from movies like Legend, Ladyhawke, Willow, Disney cartoons and the fantasy films of his childhood.

It was lucky for all concerned that because the movie was so expensive, it ended up becoming a mini-series—it also aired as a 200-minute compilation, La meravigliosa storia di Fantaghirò and as forty episodes for its twentieth anniversary—and was a big success to the level that it had a cartoon that Bava co-wrote and even a theme restaurant.

Fantaghirò (Alessandra Martines) is one of three princesses born to the King (Mario Adorf). While Catherine (Ornella Marcucci) and Caroline (Kateřina Brožová) act like proper royalty, our heroine is rebellious, well-read and yearns for battle. She’s been training with a White Knight (Ángela Molina) somewhere in the forest and meets the enemy her father has been fighting for years, Romualdo (Kim Rossi Stuart), and he falls for her because of her eyes.

The problem is that he’s challenged her father to a duel, and he plans on sending his daughters, as the White Witch (also Molina) warned him that one of the girls can defeat Romualdo. Catherine and Caroline hate every moment, and Fantaghirò goes into battle alone. She defeats her enemy but can’t bring herself to kill him; her father allows him to keep his kingdom as long as he marries one of his daughters. You can figure out what happens next.

The second movie introduced the big bad for this series of films: Black Witch (Brigitte Nielsen). But that’s another story.

Supposedly, there’s a Disney+ remake coming. It was news to Bava, who told Super Guida TV, “I read it in the newspapers a few months ago, but nobody told me about it, and nobody asked me to cooperate. If they want to make a great Italian production, that’s fine, but if they want to re-propose the same characters, that was our lot because Calvino’s fairy tale is only four pages long.”

You can watch this on YouTube.

ARROW VIDEO BOX SET RELEASE: V-Cinema Essentials: Bullets & Betrayal: Danger Point: The Road to Hell (1991)

Ken and Joji (Aizawa Shō and Shishido Jō) have been hired to investigate a robbery as well as kill a cop named Sakai. Doing so will test their friendship in this film from director and writer Yasuharu Hasebe (Stray Cat Rock: Delinquent Girl BossFemale Prisoner Scorpion: #701 Grudge Song).

With a non-linear narrative and older and younger hired killers paired together years before Pulp Fiction, this tells the story of two men who will kill anyone in their way before one of them is obsessed with a photo found in the hands of one of his victims. This leads to one of those noir “don’t ask what you don’t want to know” narratives, as everyone they meet is untrustworthy at best and murderous at worst. Crime doesn’t pay, except here, it ends up that way, even if it’s not for everyone.

The Hitman: Blood Smells Like Roses is just one of the movies in the Arrow Video V-Cinema Essentials: Bullets & Betrayal set. The set includes a newly filmed introduction by Japanese film critic Masak Tanioka and a video essay by critic and Japanese cinema expert James Balmont. You can get this from MVD.

ARROW VIDEO BOX SET RELEASE: V-Cinema Essentials: Bullets & Betrayal: The Hitman: Blood Smells Like Roses (1991)

Takanishi (Hideki Saijo) just watched his lover Reiki get killed in a Yakuza crossfire. Instead of just letting it pass, he’s in a V-Cinema movie, which means that he’s going to kill everyone who did him wrong. And because this was directed by Teruo Ishii (The ExecutionerShogun’s Joy Of TortureHorrors of Malformed Men), that means that revenge is going to be so bloody that you won’t believe it — like a garbage truck chasing down Yakuza until they’re smashed into gore.

This was the first movie the director made in 12 years. He was seemingly ready to go wild.

There’s also catgirl thief Minako Fujimoto, love hotel queen Kimiko Yo, plenty of bad guys to shoot and an ending that’s just guns and naked women in still photos, making you wish that Teruo Ishii made this even longer.

The Hitman: Blood Smells Like Roses is just one of the movies in the Arrow Video V-Cinema Essentials: Bullets & Betrayal set. The set includes a newly filmed introduction by Japanese film critic Masak Tanioka, a video essay by Japanese cinema expert Frankie Balboa and a trailer. You can get this from MVD.

ARROW VIDEO BOX SET RELEASE: V-Cinema Essentials: Bullets & Betrayal: Female Prisoner Scorpion: Death Threat (1991)

I’ve written at length about the Female Prisoner Scorpion series, as they’re some of my favorite movies ever—Beast Stable is one of the best things the human race has made—so I wasn’t really looking forward to seeing a direct-to-video reimagining of the first movie.

Man, I was wrong.

Nami Matsushima (Meiko Kaji) is — was? — the Scorpion, an unkillable prisoner who did more than get revenge. She is the patron saint of wronged women throughout Japanese prisons, a whispered name that is worshipped and feared.

This begins with an unnamed woman (Natsuki Okamoto) being trapped in hardening concrete before the barrel she’s in falls off a truck, freeing her, before she’s trained by the yakuza to be an assassin, sent to prison and let loose in the catacombs below the cells — the same place Scorpion was in all the way back in Female Prisoner Scorpion: Jailhouse 41 — and murder Scorpion to gain revenge for the warden, who lost his eye to the legendary lady’s sharpened spoon.

But can you kill an idea? Or better yet, can you become one? The systems that keep women in prison, that ruin lives, they want Scorpion dead for sure because she inspires people. When the unnamed heroine finds Scorpion, she’s long gone, walled into concrete, but she is holding her spoon as if she died fighting. Except that her hand opens, releasing the spoon into our new heroine’s hand before disappearing. Now, Scorpion is reborn, but more to the point, she can never die.

Directed and written by Toshiharu Ikeda (Mermaid LegendSex Hunter), this movie is about as perfect as a down-and-dirty, low-budget VHS tape can be. How amazing is it that it’s in a perfect Arrow box set, cleaned up and still ready to destroy your brains? I couldn’t love a movie more.

Female Prisoner Scorpion: Death Threat is just one of the movies in the Arrow Video V-Cinema Essentials: Bullets & Betrayal set. The set includes a newly filmed introduction by Japanese film critic Masak Tanioka, a video essay by film historian Samm Deighan and a trailer. You can get this from MVD.

ARROW VIDEO BOX SET RELEASE: V-Cinema Essentials: Bullets & Betrayal: Burning Dog (1991)

Directed by Yôichi Sai, who wrote it with Wui-Sin Chong, this has a gang of criminals trying to steal a few million dollars from American marines in Okinawa. Seiji Matano plays the leader of these rugged and rough crooks, a long-haired, brooding bad guy who remains in control of every situation while being as cool as possible.

There’s also a jazzy soundtrack that I enjoyed and Okinawa looks beautiful.

While this is longer than most V-Cinema and perhaps not as quickly violent as others, it’s not bad. As usual with criminal films, the gang itself may doom the situation before the USMC or cops catch them.

Burning Dog is just one of the movies in the Arrow Video V-Cinema Essentials: Bullets & Betrayal set. The set includes a newly filmed introduction by Japanese film critic Masak Tanioka, a video essay by critic and Japanese cinema expert Mark Schilling and a trailer. You can get this from MVD.

ARROW VIDEO BOX SET RELEASE: V-Cinema Essentials: Bullets & Betrayal: Carlos (1991)

A Brazilian-Japanese criminal plays yakuza gangs against each other, but bites off much more than he can chew. Inspired by a story that director Kazuhiro Kiuchi read about a Taiwanese gangster going to Japan to escape arrest, this is the story of Carlos (Takenaka Naoto), who finds himself in the middle of a gang war between the Yamashiro and Harakawa families.

As the old man of the Yamashiro gang (Minoru Oki) tries to find his successor, he finds that everyone he wanted for the job is dead. It may have been Hayakawa (Yuzo Hayakawa), whom Katayama (Ryuji Katagiri) wants dead, so he can be first in line. And then there’s Sato (Goichi Yamada), who has brought in an American monster of a hitman (Chuck Wilson) to do his dirty work.

Blood, guns and neon are the order of the day. Ah, V-Cinema. Short, sweet and full of violence!

Carlos is just one of the movies in the Arrow Video V-Cinema Essentials: Bullets & Betrayal set. The set includes a newly filmed introduction by Japanese film critic Masak Tanioka, an interview with director Kazuhiro Kiuchi and a video essay by critic and Japanese cinema expert Jonathan Clements. You can get this from MVD.

ARROW VIDEO BOX SET RELEASE: V-Cinema Essentials: Bullets & Betrayal: Stranger (1991)

After doing a jail bid for embezzlement, Kiriko (Yuko Natori) leads a quiet life, driving a cab overnight. The problem is that someone is stalking her in a gigantic Land Cruiser. Yes, it’s Duel, but in a Japan that is falling to pieces and in the middle of an economic collapse.

Directed and written by Shunichi Nagasaki, this is a V-Cinema movie committed to keeping your eyes on the screen. There’s never time to get bored and Kiriko, despite her checkered past, is a heroine who you can get behind. Every man in her life is horrible and when that gigantic truck keeps coming near — Nagasaki was inspired by the story of a female taxi driver who told him during a ride just how dangerous her job is — it’s thrilling.

Is the driver someone she hurt before? Or has man’s inhumanity to man kept that from even being possible? Maybe someone just like to frighten women. You’ll find out.

Stranger is just one of the movies in the Arrow Video V-Cinema Essentials: Bullets & Betrayal set. The set includes a newly filmed introduction by Japanese film critic Masak Tanioka and an interview with director Shunichi Nagasaki. You can get this from MVD.