Tag Archives: 1985

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Evils of the Night (1985)

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What happens when you mix a teen sex comedy with a gore film? It’s kind of like chocolate and peanut butter, one would think, but the results don’t always taste as good. Witness 1985’s Evils of the Night.

Three vampire aliens, Dr. Zarma (Julie Numar, who of course is the Catwoman, but is also a writer, real estate mogul and lingerie inventor), Cora (Tina Louise, who is of course Ginger from TV’s Gilligan’s Island) and Dr. Kozmar (John Carradine, who is of course skinny Dracula), have come to a college town to get the blood of young co-eds, which keeps them young.

There’s also Neville Brand (Al Capone from TV’s The Untouchables) and Aldo Ray (whose career trajectory goes from the highest of heights to the lowest of lows) as two old mechanics that are helping the aliens. As for the teens, we’ve got Tony O’Dell (Ferdy in Chopping Mall), Karrie Emerson (who was also in Chopping Mall), 80’s adult movie queen Amber Lynn and “Raw Talent” Jerry Butler, who was also a well-known adult film star.

Director Mardi Rustam (who wrote and produced Psychic Killer and Tobe Hooper’s Eaten Alive) is the person to blame for all of this. If you’re used to sex in the woods looking fake and feeling gratuitous, then this film will decimate your sensibilities. It feels like porn sex could literally break out at any minute, but the only penetration is when one of the girls gets drilled. With a drill. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Along the way, there are lesbian aliens, spaceships, axe murders, the Millenium Falcon on the poster for the movie, rings that shoot lasers, John Carradine in a space suit and more.

You can also blame Aquarius Releasing for this one, the fine (well, maybe not fine) folks who brought Dr. Butcher, M.D., Zaat, Deep Throat, Make Them Die Slowly (Cannibal Ferox) and Silent Night, Deadly Night to 42nd Street. They also released The Beyond as Seven Doors of Death, cutting out plenty of gore along the way to get an R rating.

Look, this movie is terrible. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t entertaining. The pathos at the end when one of the mechanics laments his dead friend are poignant. You could find a worse movie at 4 AM to watch.

You can watch this on Tubi.

THE IMPORTANT CINEMA CLUB’S SUPER SCARY MOVIE CHALLENGE DAY 23: Grim (1985)

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23. An Experimental Horror Film That’s Not In English

Takashi Ito’s father wouldn’t allow him to seer kaiju films like all his friends. But he finally allowed him to see Daimajin and Gamera vs. Barugon; his elation “worried his parents.” He began to draw manga and went on to Kyushu Institute of Design; he almost quit before experimental filmmaker Toshio Matsumoto came to the school.

Grim was made after he graduated and uses long exposure photography and empty spaces to create a sense of fear. Ito said, “With this work, I developed/fleshed out the idea I had when making Ghost of peeling only the skin from various objects in the room, floating the skins in midair and then sticking them on different objects. This film was also shot entirely frame-by-frame with long-exposures. Along with Grim, its meaning is “as if to do forever.””

How frightening is just a hand? How scary is a change in music or color? Ito takes the most basic moments and gets the most horrifying energy from them, making you nearly afraid to watch.

You can watch this on YouTube.

2025 Scarecrow Psychotronic Challenge Day 2: Zuma (1985)

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2. FANGS FOR WATCHING: Charm your senses with an anguine flick.

Zuma is a comic book movie, but no worries if you’re burned out on those. It’s also super weird.

Phillip (Mark Gil) and Isabel (Dang Cecilio) are archaeologists exploring a temple who discover a sarcophagus filled with snakes. Soon, Zuma (Max Laurel) is unleashing, walking the streets with a giant snake on his shoulder. Don’t get the idea that Zuma is the hero here. He’s a servant of the Mayan god Kukulkan — or the Aztec snake god, depending on where you get the information — and loves finding virginal women to defoul, doing things like sending snakes to bite boyfriends to death while enslaving women like Galela (Raquel Montesa). He also has a daughter, Galema (Snooky Serna), who has snakes in her hair instead of on her shoulders like her dad.

This is way too long — over two hours — but I haven’t watched many Filipino horror films. Just for the idea of a snake god that eats hearts and spoils virgins being made into a movie, well, I had to watch it. I’ll watch the sequel,  Zuma II: Hell Serpent, too.

Just look at this Wikipedia entry about Zuma: “After his revival, he goes to the modern world in a killing rage, slaughtering particularly virgin women, whose hearts are ripped out and consumed, which gives Zuma his strength and vigor. Aside from using his two-headed snake as a weapon, Zuma’s powers include invulnerability (specifically, bulletproof) and the ability to control snakes. In later versions, Zuma can heal people. His weakness is the venom from his daughter, Galema, who is also his archenemy. Galema’s mother is a humawhomat Zuma has taken as his bride. Galema grew with foster parents that made her to be a good person. Zuma also beget another child named Dino who has a head of a dinosaur and a body of a human. Dino initially allied with his father, but he later abandoned him because Dino fell in love with a human.”

Never change, the Philippines.

You can download this from the Internet Archive.

USA UP ALL NIGHT: When Nature Calls (1985)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold was on USA Up All Night on January 12, March 4 and September 8, 1989.

Directed by Charles Kaufman, who wrote it with Straw Weisman, this is a movie that follows a family — led by father Greg Van Waspishes — as they retreat to nature to escape the city. It’s an excuse for a scattershot comedy with tons of cameos, including Willie Mays, Morey Amsterdam, G. Gordon Liddy, Gates McFadden, William Smith, James Eckhouse and professional wrestler Fred Blassie, who goes from lawyer to maniac in no time at all.

I shouldn’t be surprised that I liked this so much. After all, Charles also directed Mother’s Day. So you get trailers for movies like Baby Bullets, Martin Snoreseasy’s Raging Bullshit and Gena’s Story, a stop-motion intermission that turns into a hot dog cocaine orgy, David Strathairn playing a Native American and a marquee that has Deep Throat on it, even if this was shot in 1982, ten years into that movie’s run.

Also: Daughter Bambi (Tina Marie Staino) goes from teddy bear to assaulting a real bear.

This is way better than any of the many Kentucky Fried Movie rip-offs. In fact, I laughed a few times.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: The Compleat Al (1985)

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Sept 15-21 Mockumentary Week: “Ladies and gentlemen, by way of introduction, this is a film about trickery – and fraud. About lies. Tell it by the fireside, in a marketplace, or in a movie. Almost any story is almost certainly some kind of lie. But not this time. No, this is a promise. During the next hour, everything you hear from us is really *true* and based on solid facts.”

This was produced by Weird Al Yankovic’s manager Jay Levey, his friend Hamilton Cloud, and Robert K. Weiss, who had previously produced The Kentucky Fried Movie and The Blues Brothers. This is the life story of Al, mixed with moments that cross over with his videos, like “Ricky,” “I Love Rocky Road,” “Like a Surgeon”, “I Lost On Jeopardy,” “Dare to Be Stupid”, “Midnite Star,” and “One More Minute.”

At one point, Al goes to Michael Jackson’s house, which is the House on Haunted Hill. And hey, Al TV clips!

I was waiting in the express lane
With my twelve items or less
At the checkout counter at the local grocery store
I was only passin’ by

But a paper caught my eye
And I learned a few things
I never knew before
It said

Your pet may be an extra-terrestrial
It said The ghost of Elvis is living in my den
You can learn to cope with stress
And you can beat the IRS

And the Incredible Frog Boy is on the loose again
Ohhh Midnight Star
It’s in the weekly Midnight Star
Aliens from outer space are sleeping in my car
Midnight Star, I wanna know, I wanna know!”

As you can expect, Weird Al is very important to me.

Dick Clark and Rick Derringer were in this. Yes, the man who wrote the entrance music for Demolition.

The world needs more Weird Al. As well as Dr. Demento.

You can watch this on Tubi.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Demons (1985)

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They will make cemeteries their cathedrals, and the cities will be your tombs. With that line, you know that what you’re about to watch better be the most mind-blowing horror film possible. Good news — Demons is all of that and then some, the kind of movie that has everything that I watch movies for.

I can’t be silent or still while it runs, growing more excited by every moment. It is the perfect synthesis of 1980s gore and heavy metal, presented with no characterization or character growth whatsoever. It’s also the most awesome movie you will ever watch.

This is an all-star film, if you consider Italian ’80s horror creators to be all-stars. Lamberto Bava is directing and doing special effects, Dario Argento producing, a script written by Bava, Argento, Franco Ferrini (Once Upon a Time in America, Phenomena) and Dardano Sacchetti (every single Italian horror film that was ever awesome…a short list includes A Bay of Blood, Shock, The Beyond, 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Blastfighter, Hands of Steel and so many more), and assistant directing and acting from Michele Soavi.

The movie begins on the Berlin subway, where Cheryl is pursued by a silver-masked man (Soavi) who hands her tickets to see a film at the Metropol. She brings along her friend Kathy (Paola Cozzo from A Cat in the Brain and Demonia), and they soon meet two boys, George (Urbano Barberini, Gor, Opera) and Ken.

The masked man has brought all manner of folks to the theater: a blind man and his daughter, as well as some interesting couples, including a boyfriend and girlfriend, an older married couple, and Tony the pimp and his girls, one of whom is Shocking Dark‘s Geretta Geretta. As they wait for the movie to begin, a steel mask in the lobby scratches her.

The movie that unspools — a slasher about teenagers who disturb the final resting place of Nostradamus — also has that very same steel mask. When it touches anyone in the movie, they turn murderous. At the very same time, one of the prostitutes scratches herself in the bathroom, and her face erupts into pus and reveals a demon. From here on out, the movie becomes one long action sequence, as the other prostitute transforms into a demon in front of the entire audience.

Meanwhile, four punks do cocaine in a Coke can and break in, releasing a demon into the city as the rest of the movie audience attempts to escape and are killed one by one. Only George and Cheryl survive, as our hero uses a sword and motorcycle to attack the demons before a helicopter crashes through the roof. But then the masked man attacks them!

I’m not going to ruin the rest of the movie, but it will tell you that even the credits offer no safety in the world of Demons. And oh yeah — Giovanni Frezza (Bob from House by the Cemetery) shows up!

Look for Argento’s daughter, Fiore, as Angela. Ingrid, the usherette, is played by Nicoletta Elmi, who was the baron’s daughter in Andy Warhol’s Frankenstein, as well as appearing in Baron Blood, A Bay of Blood, and Who Saw Her Die?

Demons are ridiculous. Pure goop and gore mixed with power chords, samurai swords, punk rockers and even a Billy Idol song, which had to blow the budget. It also looks gorgeous — filled with practical effects, gorgeous film stock and amazing colors, no doubt the influence of Bava’s father. The scene where the yellow-eyed demons emerge from the blue blackness is everything horror movies should be.

This doesn’t just have my highest recommendation. It earns my scorn if you haven’t seen it yet!

Want to know way too much about this movie and everything connected to it?

Check out this article and the video I created: So what’s up with all the Demons sequels?

Murder, She Wrote S2 E11: Murder Digs Deep (1985)

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An archaeological dig, potentially the site of Coronado’s City of Gold, does not please everyone as a new corpse is discovered.

Season 2, Episode 11: Murder Digs Deep (December 29, 1985)

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote…

What if Jessica Fletcher went on an Indiana Jones-style adventure?

Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury, and were they in any exploitation movies?

Karen Parks is played by Cecile Callan. Most of her career was on TV.

Dr. Aubrey Benton is George Grizzard, a TV movie regular.

Dr. Stan Garfield is David Groh, Rhoda‘s husband Joe. At one point, this guy was on the highest-rated show almost ever.

Raymond Two Crows is Randolph Mantooth from Emergency!

Steve Gamble? That’s Stephen Shortridge, who was on Welcome Back, Kotter.

Man! The Armstrongs, Gideon and Cynthia? Connie Stevens and Robert Vaughn! There’s the starpower!

William Windom is Dr. Seth, as always.

Minor roles are played by Robert Dryer, Jake from Savage Streets, as a guard and Curtis Credel (the Worth Keeter movie Hot Heir) as a Native American.

What happens?

Jessica and Dr. Seth are on a platonic date all the way in New Mexico, digging with the Armstrongs. Joining them are grad students Karen Parkes and Steve Gamble, Dr. Garfrield, who is looking for treasure, Dr. Bento, who is also looking for gold and Native American expert Raymond Twocrows. At night, a Native American dancer keeps trying to scare them away.

The next night, Cynthia gets drunk and shoots at the dancer. He falls down, and it ends up being Raymond, who didn’t die from a gunshot. Yes, this show is a Giallo. Jessica soon shows Seth that Raymond only fell three feet, so that couldn’t be what killed him. It was drowning. In the desert.

The Armstrongs don’t allow anyone to use the radio or go to town to get the police. Jessica decides to look through the caves and scares Seth for the second time this episode, finding a cassette player with tribal chants on it. Someone is trying to scare people off while also leaving relics all around to try to get some more money for the land.

Who did it?

Cynthia, trying to take money off her husband through murder.

Who made it?

This episode was directed by Phillip Leacock and written by Mary Ann Kasica and Michael Scheff.

Does Jessica get some?

I think in this episode, she was testing Dr. Seth to see if he could be a hero and a rough lover. He failed.

Does Jessica dress up and act stupid?

She gets to wear desert dig clothes.

Was it any good?

Sure, it’s alright.

Any trivia?

I love that Raymond ends up being a fake Native American, one of the few examples of evil whitewashing I’ve seen.

Watch when Cynthia shoots at the Native American dancer. Her husband calls her her real name, Connie, not Cynthia.

It’s illegal to dig for relics on Native American reservations.

Give me a reasonable quote:

Jessica Fletcher: Is the weather always like this?

Dr. Seth Hazlitt: Nope. It starts to get hot in a couple of hours.

What’s next?

A former student of Jessica’s becomes involved in a love triangle that ends in murder. Robert Culp is in it, but doesn’t show his dick.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: The Last Polka (1985)

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Sept 15-21 Mockumentary Week: “Ladies and gentlemen, by way of introduction, this is a film about trickery – and fraud. About lies. Tell it by the fireside, in a marketplace, or in a movie. Almost any story is almost certainly some kind of lie. But not this time. No, this is a promise. During the next hour, everything you hear from us is really *true* and based on solid facts.”

Yosh (John Candy) and Stan (Eugene Levy) Shmenge came all the way from Leutonia to become the biggest polka band of all time, a career that lasted forever until they retired, which is what this movie is about. It’s also, as the title will tell you, The Last Waltz. Plus, you get the Michael Jackson tribute concert that ruined their career, Linsk Minyk (Rick Moranis) playing a series of road songs and an appearance by The Lemon Twins (Robin Duke, Catherine O’Hara and her sister Mary Margaret O’Hara).

Directed by John Blanchard (Really Weird Tales), this story of the Happy Wanderers first aired on HBO. You get to see so many of the shows that the brothers did, like Strikes, Spares and Shmenges, a bowling show, and the Polka Variety Hour. Plus, hear their most famous song, “Cabbage Rolls and Coffee.”

Nearly everything the SCTV cast did was right on, almost every time. This is perfect —a mockumentary that could convince some that this was a real band.

You can watch this on YouTube.

USA UP ALL NIGHT: The Annihilators (1985)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: The Annihilators was on USA Up All Night on April 15, October 11 and November 25, 1989.

You know, I’ve wanted to watch this movie because the dude on the cover has a facemask on and is carrying a crossbow. That never really happens in the film, but at least it’s entertaining.

At the end of the Vietnam War, the soldiers known as The Annihilators — Sgt. Bill Ecker (Christopher Stone, The Howling), Garrett Floyd (Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs), Ray Track (Gerrit Graham!), Woody (Andy Wood) and Joe (Dennis Redfield) — undertake their final mission, during which Joe is critically injured saving his friends.

Years later, Joe works at his father’s Atlanta convenience store, which is under attack by a street gang led by Roy Boy Jagger (Paul Koslo) and his gang, The Rollers, which ends up costing him his life. His father then begs Bill to teach the neighborhood how to fight back, which pretty much consists of the guys ineffectually shooting at the gang members, and neither side being really able to hit one another, all while trying to stay away from the cops.

Known as Action Force in Europe, this movie would have been much better if I had just watched the poster and gotten high. Well, I learned my lesson, The Annihilators.

Charles E. Sellier Jr. directed this. Yes — the producer of so many of my favorite Sunn Classics films! It was his last time directing after a career that included Encounter with Disaster, Silent Night, Deadly Night and Snowballing. He also created The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams.

This movie was made at the same time as Invasion U.S.A. and shared the same stunt team, who worked on this movie during the day and with Chuck Norris at night.

You can watch this on Tubi.

USA UP ALL NIGHT: Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf (1985)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Howling II was on USA Up All Night on April 23, 1994, April 13, 1996 and March 28, 1997.

Even though Gary Brandner, author of The Howling novels, co-wrote the screenplay to this movie, it has nothing to do with his 1979 novel The Howling II, much less the original The Howling. It tries, but this movie is just too weird to fully close the loop.

There’s never been another werewolf movie like this one. Whether that is positive or negative all depends on how much you like werewolves having sex.

Ben White (Reb Brown, who is in a little movie called Yor Hunter from the Future that I could tell you about for many days) is dealing with the death of his sister Karen White, who just so happens to be the heroine of the first of these movies. He joins up with Jenny (Annie McEnroe, who was in Snowbeast and Battletruck) and the mysterious Stefan Crosscoe (Christopher Lee, who apologized to Joe Dante for making this movie) to battle werewolves.

This brings them on a journey to Transylvania and a battle against Stirba (Sybil Danning!), the queen of the werewolves, who is joined by Mariana (Marsha Hunt, who the song “Brown Sugar” is about) and Erle (Ferdy Mayne, who is in another film I can discuss for days and days, Night Train to Terror).

What follows is complete lunacy: werewolf witchcraft, lycan orgies, Sybil Danning repeatedly ripping off her top (the same shot repeated again and again to no complaint), dwarves, priests being killed and punk rock from the band Babel.

Director Philippe Mora actually made some pretty good films, like Mad Dog Morgan, The Beast Within and The Return of Captain Invincible. I’m insane and love this movie, so I will include it in my list of his good ones.

Finally, let’s talk about another subject I can hold court on: Christopher Lee. Mora didn’t know that Sir Lee was a war hero in Czechoslovakia, where this was filmed. Actually, no one did, because he wasn’t allowed to talk about his intelligence work during World War II. When he showed up for filming, he was greeted with a hero’s welcome, as he had killed a top Nazi official named Reinhard Heydrich. In fact, before he became an actor, Lee remained a Nazi hunter for several years.

I also love that this movie was sent the wrong costumes by 20th Century Fox. Instead of wolf suits, they were sent the monkey suits from Planet of the Apes. Lee tried to help fix this by ad-libbing, “The process of evolution is reversed.”

Want to know more about The Howling movies? Check out this article.