CANNON MONTH 2: Red Riding Hood (1989)

As Linet (Amelia Shankley) explores the forest, she is being followed by a wolf. Not just any wolf — the big bad one or as this movie calls him, Dagger (Rocco Sisto). Luckily, she’s under the protection of Peter the Woodsman, who thinks she’s fearless. She’s actually just the kind of brave that has to be in the face of stupidity, because if you knew there was a killer wolf —  the kind that don’t scratch on no doors if we may use the poetry of one Glenn Danzig — in the woods you wouldn’t go there looking for fairies.

Linet has bigger problems. Her mother Lady Jeanne (Isabella Rossellini) is hiding in the woods because her husband Lord Percival has been replaced by his evil twin brother Lord Godfrey and oh man, they’re both Craig T. Nelson. It’s been seven years since Percival went to war and he’s legally dead, so Godfrey wants to get to know one of the stars of Tough Guys Don’t Dance biblically. He also wants to teach her daughter the meaning of fear by unleashing Dagger on her, who even eats her by the end of the film and they cut his stomach open and she’s alive inside and wow, this is a movie for children.

There’s also a song where the Wolf tells Linet that it’s good to talk to strangers.

Somehow, the guy — Adam Brooks — who wrote Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason and Practical Magic — directed this. It was written by Carole Lucia Satrina, whose credits include Cannon Movie Tales: Puss in Boots and three episodes of Tales from the Darkside, including “The Odds.”

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