Police Academy, Real Genius, Bachelor Party, Surf Ninjas, Moving Violations. These are just some of the films of Neal Israel, who directed Tunnel Vision with Bradley R. Swirnoff and wrote it with Michael Mislove.

As of 1985, Tunnel Vision is the biggest channel in the world, one that is completely free of censorship. The government, led by Senator McMannus (Howard Hesseman) is investigating them, bringing owner Christian A. Broder (Phil Proctor) in front of the Congressional Oversight Committee. They plan on watching an entire day of the channel, which is this movie.

Vincent Canby said of this, “When undergraduate humor fails, as it does in Tunnel Vision, it doesn’t die alone, it threatens to take you with it.”

I felt more for it than he did, but I have a weakness for unconnected comedy sketches turned into a movie. See  The Groove Tube, Kentucky Fried Movie, Amazon Women on the Moon, Mr. Mike’s Mondo Video…

So what’s in it? Or more to the point, who? Ron Silver — in his first movie — as Dr. Manuel Labor. If that joke is funny to you, you are the correct audience for this. As for me, I love seeing Ron Silver show up in things. Ghoulardi himself — and dad of Paul Thomas Anderson and the voice of ABC — Ernie Anderson is in this. So are Gerrit Graham, Betty Thomas, Joe Flaherty, Pat Proft, John Candy, Al Franken, Tom Davis, Laraine Newman, Dick Tufeld (the voice of Robby the Robot), Chevy Chase and tons of others. Sometimes, the sketches are as creative as being as filthy as possible. I mean it, I have no idea how this got an R rating. At others, it’s creative. As these movies often can be, it’s uneven.

There’s a trailer for The Pregnant Man, a game show called Remember When that asks very personal questions,  Young People After School Press Conference in which Henry Kissinger gets abused by children and puppets, a trailer for the just a head cop movie Get Head!, the Archbishop of the New Catholic Church (Dody Dorn) taking off her robes and getting nude — Dorn would go on to edit Memento — and Secret Camera, a hidden camera show made by the CIA.

The MVD release of Tunnel Vision has a brand new 4K HD transfer presented in 1080p in both 1.66:1 and 1.33:1 aspect ratios, commentary by cult film historian Marc Edward Heuck, a new interview with Israel conducted by Stuart Shapiro, a continuity script, a photo gallery, TV commercials and a trailer. Plus, you get a mini-poster and a limited edition slipcover. Get it from MVD.

Just read this IMDB synopsis and tell me you don’t want to watch this: “In the year 1900, China was being invaded by an eight-nation alliance (Japan, Russia, England, France, Germany, the United States, Italy and Austria-Hungary). Meanwhile, three martial artists join a xenophobic kung fu cult, with a large following, whose leader claims that he can teach his followers how to become bulletproof.”

Chi Kuan-chun, Alexander Fu Sheng and Leung Kar-yan play the three brothers who have been taken in by The Boxers and seek to battle the foreign forces that have taken over their country.

Directed by Chang Cheh, this has brave men believing that Taoist magic can protect them from bullets. It goes about as great as that sounds. It has two and a half hours of story, a cast of nearly thousands — and one Richard Harrison  — and if you know Chang Cheh, plenty of people get stabbed.

When this came out in the UK, 45 minutes were cut out — the anti-foreigner elements had to go and it became Spiritual Fists. This upset its director, who believed that it was the best artistic statement he’d made in his career. It’s a big movie but not one afraid to just stop and show you a martial arts demo. If you love Shaw Brothers, you’ll be ready for that.

All four films on the Horrible History box set from Eureka are presented on Blu-ray from HD masters supplied by Celestial Pictures. Extras include two new commentaries by East Asian film expert Frank Djeng (NY Asian Film Festival) and martial artist and filmmaker Michael Worth, two new commentaries by action cinema experts Mike Leeder and Arne Venema, interviews and essays on these films, an O-Card slipcase featuring new artwork by Grégory Sacré with a collector’s booklet featuring new writing on all four films in this set by writer and critic James Oliver. It’s all limited to 2,000 copies and you can get it from MVD.

I have no idea what’s in the water in Miranda, California, but wow.

Hitler himself — now Adolf Schwartz (Edward Schaaf) — lives in a Bavarian castle there, in a pentuple with The Headsperson (Candy Samples, using the name Mary Gavin; she’s also in Fantasm and Fantasm Comes Again, as well as Meyer’s Beneath the Valley of the Ultravixens, playing The Very Big Blonde, which sums her up), The Ethiopian Chef (Elaine Collins, Deep Jaws), Limehouse (Su Ling, Ilsa Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks) and Paul (Robert McLane, one of the first actors to appear in a movie that accurately depicted gay lovemaking, A Very Natural Thing). After a scene where every one of his lovers abuses him, he retires to a bubble bath where he is killed by a black-gloved killer who throws a piranha in the tub.

Is this a Giallo?

No, as much as it’s a Greek tragedy just because it has Kitten Natividad as the Greek Chrous. Born Francesca Isabel Natividad in Ciudad Juárez, Chihuahua State, Mexico, she went from not knowing English until she was ten to being her Texas high school class president. A maid and a cook to Stella Stevens, she enlarged her bust and started dancing, eventually gaining a 44G bra size. By the second movie she made with Meyer, Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens, she’d had another breast surgery and left her husband for the auteur. She kept on dancing, doing nude photograph and eventually hardcore porn, as well as being the stripper for Sean Penn’s bachelor party before he married Madonna.

But yeah, she’s the Greek Chorus. It’s incredible.

Margo Winchester (Raven De La Croix, who designed her own costumes and did her own stunts; it’s hard to say which of Meyer’s women is the most perfect, but you can make a case for her; supposedly she was once engaged to Greg “The Hammer” Valentine) hitchikes into town and is instantly in trouble, making Sheriff Homer Johnson (Monty Bane) hot and bothered and then being insulted by local rich kid Leonard Box (Larry Dean), who she kills in self-defense, which gets her into Johnson’s bed.

To keep her busy — and out of other beds — Homer gets her a job at Alice’s (Janet Wood, Pamela from Terror at Red Wolf Inn) diner, where Alice’s husband Paul — yes, the same one who porked Hitler’s keister — also works. Paul and Margo soon make love at the edge of a lake, while the Sheriff gets head from Chesty Young Thing (Marianne Marks) and is nearly caught in bed with Pocahontas (Foxe Lae).

At this point, Margo decides to strip in public and is attacked not only by a limberjack named Rafe (Bob Schott) but every man in the place. Homer saves her, but he and Rafe murder one another.

Then, Margo reveals that she’s a secret agent, out to learn who killed Hitler. It turns out it was Alice, Eva Braun Jr., who chases our heroine through the scenic landscape, both nude, before they make up and start, well, making out. Paul shows up and shoots her — she wanted revenge for him buggering the Fuhrer, he wanted revenge because he loved the guy — and Margo ends up arresting both of them.

Shot around the summer cabin of Wilfred Bud Kues, a war buddy of Meyer’s for decades, this found Russ and Roger Ebert working together again to make a movie that has men somehow recover from axe wounds, a masked killer, overwritten dialogue in the best way and one of Meyer’s last movies that finds him going out in a way that he could be proud of.

Scanned in 4K from the original negative by Severin Films with new and archival special features curated in association with The Russ Meyer Trust, the Severin release of Russ Meyer’s Up! comes with audio commentary by film historian Elizabeth Purchell, an interview with actress Raven De La Croix and a radio commercial. You can get it from Severin.

Fairy tales are alike in many countries. This film is based on “The Wolf and the Seven Young Kids” from Grimm’s Fairy Tales, which Russian kids known as “Волк и семеро козлят” (“The Wolf and the Seven Kids”) and Romanian young ones know as “Capra cu trei iezi” (“The Goat and Her Three Kids”). So yes, there are five kids in this, but that feels like splitting the difference.

Directed by Elisabeta Bostan, this was filmed in three languages — Romanian, Russian and English — and features performers from the Moscow Circus, the Moscow Circus on Ice and the Bolshoi Ballet.

It’s also way weird.

Rada (Lyudmila Gurchenko, who was awarded People’s Artist of the USSR in 1983) is gathering fruit in the woods, leaving her children home. She’s watched by Petrika the donkey (George Mihaita), Rassul the lynx (Valentin Manokhin), a young wolf (Savely Kramarov) and leader Titi Suru (Mikhail Boyarsky), who listen to her singing and begin plotting on taking her family from her.

Matei (Petya Degryarov), the oldest child, runs away from home to the fair while Titi Suru keeps trying to sing Rada’s song to the children, convincing them that he is their mother. They are too smart for him — keep in mind, this guy looks like a glam rock werewolf — but when their mother’s voice gets sore from calling for her lost son, they no longer recognize her. Everyone gets kidnapped by Titu Suru and his gang, except that Rada is too smart for him, ice skating with him until he falls into the cold water, only saving him when she has her children safe.

Now, re-read that and get this in your head: the big bad wolf is sexy, always smoking a pipe and looking kind of like Phil Lynott if he were, you know, a wolf. The goat mother — a single mom, mind you — Rada is also quite attractive and every time the two get together, sparks fly. They’re going to get it on. You know it. They know it. But the wolf is a wolf and he wants to steal her children, because for all he protests how much people treat wolves so badly and have preconceived notions of them, he’s also, well, a wolf.

Sure, all the songs sound pretty much the same — I can hear you now, “It’s a leitmotif, you moron!” — but who cares? It’s the 70s and everyone is wearing makeup and everyone has glitter all over them and this is what the children of the world of The Apple are put in front of to be babysat while their parents go do mad coke at Mr. Boogalow’s latest record release.

These songs will get stuck inside your head but you won’t feel bad about that.

There’s also a parrot that is a human with a gigantic rainbow pompadour. The whole world of Ma-Ma feels like no other place on Earth, even starting with all of the actors getting into their costumes together. This will both delight and terrify your child.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Alfred Sole was an architect who dreamed of making movies. His first film, 1972’s Deep Sleep, which starred Deep Throat‘s Harry Reems and The Devil In Ms. Jones‘ Georgina Spelvin, was made for only $25,000. However, it was ruled obscene and pulled from theaters. His second film — the one we’re about to cover — may not have done well at first thanks to spotty distribution, but thanks to Brooke Shields’ popularity and multiple re-releases under multiple titles, like Holy Terror, Communion and The Mask Murders.

Sole wrote the film with his neighbor Rosemary Ritvo, an English professor with whom he often discussed films. A Catholic herself, they would talk at length about the church in between discussing theater and horror films. Nicolas Roeg’s Don’t Look Now was a huge influence, as is evident by the yellow raincoat worn by the film’s villain.

The film is set in 1961 in Paterson, New Jersey, the director’s hometown; as such, much of it was based on his childhood. In fact, Mrs. Tredoni is directly based on a woman who lived next door to his grandmother, who would look after the priests.

While Sole claims he had never seen any Giallo before he made this, Alice, Sweet Alice is perhaps the most giallo of all American films before DePalma would make Dressed to Kill.

The film begins with Catherine Spages (Linda Miller, the daughter of Jackie Gleason and the mother of Jason Patric) visiting Father Tom with her two daughters, nine-year-old Karen (Shields) and twelve-year-old Alice (the astounding Paula Sheppard), who are students of St. Michael’s Parish Girls’ School. Father Tom gives Karen his mother’s crucifix as a gift for her first communion, making Alice jealous.

Alice is a wild child, her hair barely tied back, constantly in trouble for all manner of mischief. Is she a bad girl or just a misunderstood little girl dealing with the specter of her parent’s divorce in 1961, a time when this rarely happened and in a heavily Catholic neighborhood where this would indeed be judged? Her antics include wearing a clear mask and repeatedly frightening and threatening her sister.

This all ends on the day of Karen’s first communion, when someone in the same school raincoat and mask as Alice kidnaps the young girl, strangles her, rips the crucifix from her neck and then sets her body on fire inside a church pew. This is insanely brutal and lets the viewer know that this movie is unprepared to take it easy on you.

At the same time, Alice enters the room and attempts to receive communion while wearing her sister’s veil. It’s never really established where she found it or whether or not she knew it belonged to her sister. There are no easy answers here.

Catherine’s ex-husband Dominick (Niles McMaster, Bloodsucking Freaks) returns for the funeral and fulfills the Giallo role of a stranger pushed into becoming the detective. Furthering the giallo narrative, the ineffective Detective Spina takes over the case, pursuing the lead that Alice is the killer thanks to Catherine’s sister Annie’s suspicions. This lead seems even more apparent after the killer attacks Annie, and Alice is found at the scene, wearing the same clothes.

Alice is sent to a psychiatric institution where it’s revealed that she’s been in trouble numerous times in school, a fact that Father Tom has concealed as he believed he could solve her problems.

The killer tightens her noose around Alice’s neck by luring her father to an abandoned building,g where she gets the jump on him, beating him with a brick, binding his body and pushing him off a ledge. Before he dies, he’s able to swallow the crucifix that the killer had stolen from his daughter. That’s also when we learn who the killer is, way before the film is over: it’s Tredoni, who sees Dominick and Catherine — and by extension, their children — as sinners due to their premarital sex and divorce.

Alice may have been eliminated as a person of interest, but the danger remains. On a visit to Father Tom, Catherine learns that Tredoni lost a daughter on the day of her first communion, which taught her that children pay for the sins of their parents. In her grief, she gives herself over to the church. Her feelings about her calling are confirmed when Father Tom misunderstands her confession.

Finally, Alice’s scheme to leave cockroaches all over, frightening landlord Mr. Alphons,o neatly ties into Tredoni sneaking in to kill either her, Catherine or both of them. Alphonso is stabbed, and the mad older woman runs to the church. Father Todd assures the police he can handle her, but even his mercy and the church’s teachings fail in the face of mania.

The end of this movie shocked me out of my theater seat. It’s visceral in its intensity, and the ending—where Alice walks away—is even more harrowing.

It’s rare to find a movie that completely destroys an audience. Alice, Sweet Alice did that when it played here to a packed house as part of a Drive-In Asylum night of film.

In these modern times, Alice takes on a whole new light. Nearly every male in the movie treats her blossoming womanhood as an invitation, from the lie detector operator who says that when he bound her breasts with the machine, it looked like she wanted it to the guard at the children’s home who silently watches her as she meets with her parents. Perhaps even more disquieting is that Sheppard was 19 when this was made. Her only other film appearance is in the equally bizarre Liquid Sky, which is a shame, as she was incredible in both of these equally strange movies.

Alphonso DeNoble, who plays the grotesque Mr. Alphonso, also appeared in Bloodsucking Freaks. While his main career was as a bouncer at a gay bar, as his side hustle, Alphonso would dress up as a priest and hang around cemeteries, where widows would ask for a blessing, and he’d indulge them for a monetary donation.

This film truly lives up to the ninth Satanic Statement: Satan has been the best friend the church has ever had, as He has kept it in business all these years! And the Satanic Sin of Herd Mentality is obvious. From the actual church, “…only fools follow along with the herd, letting an impersonal entity dictate to you.”

Also, Alice posits that even the pre-Vatican II Catholic Church of 1961 was finding itself ill-equipped to understand the modern world and that people—from the old like Tredoni to the young like Alice—would suffer. It’s women who do most of that suffering, constantly propping up the male members yet never able to ascend to the power of the clergy unless they want to be second-best sisters.

Even 43 years after its debut, Alice Sweet Alice has the power to destroy. It’s a near-perfect film that demands introspection and multiple viewings.

BONUS CONTENT:

This article by Bill Van Ryn of Groovy Doom and the horror and exploitation fanzine Drive-In Asylum provides an even better look at this film.

I also had the opportunity to discuss this film with Alfred Sole’s cousin, Dante Tomaselli, the maker of the astounding Desecration.

The Arrow Video 4K UHD release of Alice, Sweet Alice has a brand new 4K restoration by Arrow Films from the original camera negative, as well as three cuts: Communion; Alice, Sweet Alice and Holy Terror. There’s new commentary by Richard Harland Smith and archival commentary by co-writer/director Alfred Sole and editor M. Edward Salier; interviews with composer Stephen Lawrence and actor Niles McMaster; First Communion: Alfred Sole Remembers Alice, Sweet Alice; Sweet Memories: Dante Tomaselli on Alice, Sweet Alice; a location tour with Michael Gingold; deleted scenes; a split-screen version comparison; a trailer and TV commercial; an image gallery, including the original screenplay; a reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Gilles Vranckx and an illustrated collectors booklet featuring new writing on the film by Michael Blyth. You can get it from MVD.

Thanks to the British Film Institute, there’s a list of films that played Scala. To celebrate the release of Severin’s new documentary, I’ll share a few of these movies every day. You can see the whole list on Letterboxd.

Sada Abe (Eiko Matsuda) is a former prostitute who now works as a maid in a hotel, where she falls for the owner, Kichizo Ishida (Tatsuya Fuji), an affair that starts simply with non-stop sex and continues to become an obsession, as she doesn’t want to share him even with his wife. Soon, their love games include strangling one another during sex and her holding a knife to his manhood, saying that she’s going to take it with her. Well, that’s exactly what happens, as she accidentally kills him while they make love and takes his member with her, walking with it inside her before she’s arrested.

Directed and written by Nagisa Ōshima, who also made Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence, this is a rare mainstream film that doesn’t shy from unsimulated sex, made in a culture that even hides the mere glance at female genitals. It was made in France, while in Japan, it was fogged and blurred so that it could appear in theaters.

Eiko Matsuda had worked in sexploitation films but was never treated as harshly by the public as she was when this film was made, finally moving to France and ending her acting career. Society remains unfair, as her male partner in the movie, Tatsuya Fuji, regained his career after two years.

This was based on a true story and Sada Abe did not fade from the world after serving five years of her six-year sentence even though she asked for the death penalty. The police record of her interrogation and confession became a best-selling book. Over the next few years, the public perception of her moved from a pervert to someone who murdered for love. She acted in a traveling show and worked in a bar in downtown Tokyo for twenty years before appearing in Teruo Ishii’s documentary History of Bizarre Crimes by Women in the Meiji, Taishō, and Shōwa Eras. When  Oshima tried to find her before making this movie, he learned that she was in a nunnery, yet most reports claim that she disappeared.

Produced by Taiwaan’s Tong Hsing Company Limited in 1976, this movie is based on the 1974 tokusatsu film Kamen Rider X, taking most of its footage from Five Riders vs. Kingdark and the earthquake from Godzilla vs. Megalon. It was re-released twenty years later in Taiwan, as well as many other countries, in this bootleg form.

Emperor Chi-Wu (King Dark), the leader of the Demon & God Organization, is the bad guy. And with a company name like that, he kind of has to be, right? It’s just moving around the Japanese name of the bad guys, GOD (Government of Darkness). His final form was taken from a stage show costume of another final boss, Great General of Darkness from Great Mazinger.

This is a Kamen Rider movie and I feel like me going too deep into its mythos will result in tokusatsu fans feeling like I do when I read uninformed giallo articles. But what I do know that is instead of Kamen Rider (Masked Rider, if you watched Fox in the 90s and 2000s), you get Super Rider X and four of his friends, including a never-before female Kamen. Or Super Rider. Or Masked Rider. This is a lot of Kamen Rider X and even has Riderman show up, who was dead. He got better.

This does, however, answer a thing I always wondered. What if Darth Vader — I know, this predates Star Wars — was super Satanic and also had fashion leanings toward both the samurai and a peplum movie? Also: What if he could turn into a gigantic demon and fought motocross dudes? And what if there was a monster called Franken Bat which is exactly what it sounds like, a Frankenstein’s Monster, painted silver, with bat wings, and he carries around beakers filled with the blood of young women that he drinks when he needs energy? Could all the mythological monsters show up, too? And what about the god Pan, who is now a monster by the name of Pannic, who has missile horns?

I have no idea what I watched but I loved it.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Fu Hung Hsue (Lung Ti) is one of the many heroes of writer Gu-long. In this film, directed by Chor Yuen, he learns of a weapon called the Peacock Dart. It’s so powerful that it could disrupt the entire martial world. Even though he has sworn off violence, our hero must come back to protect others from this armament, which is kind of like little bombs in the fan tail of a peacock. Yes, it is amazing.

There’s also the matter of another warrior, Yen Nan Fei (Lo Lieh), who has challenged Fu Hung Hsue to a duel. But as they’re both being targeted by a series of killers, they decide to work together until they get to the bottom of this mystery.

Master Yu has put a price on both of them so all manner of wild looking killers have come to collect. I mean, one of them is called Devil Granny and she hides in the shadows, laughing at you after she poisons you with incense. Oh yeah, she also eats people, has a giant chessboard and has turned a food cart into a weapon.

The other bad guys all have weird supernatural martial arts weapons, but come on. None of them are in their twilight years yet biting down on people and making the most elaborate death traps.

The creator of the McGuffin weapon also sends his daughter Yu-cheng (Ching Li) along with our heroes as they seek to destroy Master Yu. Will she fall in love with one of the heroes? Will Fu Hung Hsue do incredible things like move the acupuncture points of his body by one inch so that he can’t be paralyzed? Will the heroes finally have their duel?

Yes to all of this, as well as more blood and sleaze than you were expecting. That is to say, this is wonderful, a movie contained within the Shaw Brothers lot but feeling like it could go anywhere and do anything.

You can also read what Jenn Upton had to say about this movie here.

The Arrow Video Shaw Scope Volume Three box set has a brand new 2K restoration of The Magic Blade as well as extras such as commentary by critic Samm Deighan and a trailer.

You can get this set from MVD.