FANTASTIC FEST 2024: The Draft! (2023)

Directed by Yusron Fuadi, this Indonesian horror-comedy is very Cabin In the Woods as it begins. Five archetypes — the jock, the nerd, the rich person, the pretty one and the popular kid — all head off to a cabin where they’re warned away but stay anyways. We’ve seen it all before — from 1978-1981 we saw it hundreds of times — but then we learn that these characters are the mercy of a screenwriter who is trying to figure it all out. The greatest horror that they face isn’t a slasher killer, but the fact that they’re unreality and the whims of an omniscient creator will only get them killed in the worst of ways.

Ani (Anggi Waluyo), Budi (Ibrahim Alhami), Iwan (Adhin Abdul Hakim), Amir (Winner Wijaya) and Wati (Anastasia Herzigova) have all gathered at an old family vacation cabin that has fallen into disrepair, as you’d expect from the genre, and there’s a murder the first night. From there, Amir has to guide them — Scream style — through the rules of horror. Yet when they change from idea to idea, that gets difficult.

As characters die and come back to life, cars appear and re-appear, and even the style of film changes, the only way for the protagonists to make it is if they realize they are a narrative and embrace their unreality. That’s about the least spoiler-free way I can describe what I just watched.

The filmmaker knows you’ve seen it all before, but you have never seen it like this. And don’t worry. If you’re a slasher fan and don’t really want to consider all this meta-textural mumbo jumbo, there are just enough bloody murders to keep you sated.

CANNON MONTH 3: The Bad Bunch (1973)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

Directed, written and starring Graydon Clark as Vietnam veteran Jim, this has his character run into a black gang in Watts led by Tom or Makimba (Tom Johnigarn) and saved by racist cops Sgt. Berry (Jock Mahoney) and Lt. Stans (Aldo Ray), who have the power of the badge and use it to knock everyone around.

There are also ladies showing up amidst the racial tensions, like Jacqueline Cole as Jim’s lover Nancy (she’s also Clark’s real-life wife) and Bambi Allen as Bobbi. In the short 34 years of her life, Allen was in pretty much the entire Something Weird catalog, including Space ThingDay of the NightmareSisters In LeatherThe Fabulous Bastard from ChicagoThe Ice HouseThe Erotic Adventures of Robin HoodMiss Nymphet’s Zap-InTerror At Orgy CastleHollywood BabylonLoce Boccaccio Style and Street of a Thousand Pleasures. Sadly, she’d die a year after this movie — according to Sam Sherman — due to health complications brought about by silicone breast injections.

While Jim tries to pick Nancy or Bobbi, Makimba is blaming him for all of his problems. The fuse has been list and things are about to explode, as they say.

Some people are going to tell you that the topless pool party is gratuitous. I’m going to tell you that it was shot at Severn Darden’s house.

This was released by Dimension Pictures and also used the names TomThe Brothers and ****** Lover. 21st Century re-released this after buying the Dimension film catalog.

You can watch this on Tubi.

FANTASTIC FEST 2024: Chainsaws Were Singing (2024)

You don’t have to go to Texas for a singing and dancing chainsaw massacre.

According to the official siteChainsaws Are Singing was shot guerilla style in 2013, then spent a decade in post-production. Estonian filmmakers Sander Maran and Karl-Joosep Ilve describe their film as “Monty Python meets The Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets… Les Misérables?”

Somehow, it lives up to that description and so much more.

And it’s from Estonia.

Tom (Karl-Joosep Ilve) thought that this was the worst day ever. His girlfriend has left him, leading him to considering suicide. That’s when he falls instantly in love with Maria (Laura Niils) and gets a new best friend in Jaan (Jaano Puusepp). This all gets ruined — and the day will get much worse — when they run into Killer (Martin Ruus) and his deranged family.

Now, that could be any horror movie made since Tobe Hooper put a cast through hell in the middle of a hot Texas summer and then lost the movie to organized crime. This is a deeply personal musical that’s nearly two hours of jokes every few seconds and stuffed full of singalongs and a chainsaw solo.

Imagine if early Peter Jackson, Sam Raimi outside a cabin, Trey Parker and Matt Stone all formed a band, then went and saw Gwar and thought, “Can we add even more blood and body fluids to what we’ve created? And what if a bukkake cult in the woods worshipped a fridge?”

This reminds me of when parodies were of the Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker style instead of the horrible post Scary Movie dreck that passes for jibes at fim today. If one joke fails, stick around. There will be five more in the next second or two. It’s all too much and I mean that in the best of ways, as even its director said that it’s “too violent…too naughty…definitely too musical.”

Does every car really have to explode? Yes. Could the entire backwoods cult subplot be lost? Of course. But you know, these guys made the movie they wanted, one that even has a Pieces flashback and a mother (Rita Rätsepp) who has made his life into one of killing and a little brother who paints himself painting the same painting over and over again. It’s that rare film that allows you to not question things, to accept them, to feel like maybe you need something to block all the blood that has to be spraying out of the screen before too long. It’s not to be missed, as it was made with joy and delivers even more of that.

Too much is never enough.

FANTASTIC FEST 2024: Body Odyssey (2023)

Mona (real-life bodybuilder Jacqueline “Jay” Fuchs, once listed as one of the “ten best female bodybuilders in the world”and who was Rosi in Mad Heidi) is fortysomething bodybuilder whose entire life is spent sculpting her body, which means not living or eating like other human beings as she creates a body that holds up to an unreachable ideal. Everyone she meets or knows is someone who does the same, as she’s pushed to try new drugs or avoid certain meals by her manager Kurt (Julian Sands). Her only companion is her cat.

As she gets into the last three months before a competition, she meets a man named Nic (Adam Misík) in the showers. Their quick encounter burrows its way into her subconscious and creates a break in her normally disciplined life.

So much of Body Odyssey feels like its trapped between a world that is trying to place human manifest destiny upon the fragile body and rigors of aging while the environments feel either alien naturescape or future bleak. There are many voices inside Mona, all battling for control, all as she struggles to fight back against time, against a body riddled by decades of steroid abuse, against denial of the very simple pleasure of eating a carb.

This film looks and feels like it’s own world is so much stronger for that. Director Grazia Tricarico has created a place that is at once our existence and then not, a world where someone can hear the voices in the water and then begins to doubt everything; where the only way to reclaim what you want is at times to destroy.

I’ve thought about this movie several times since I’ve seen it and keep reflecting back on the ways it shows liquid and sinew. We may not all want a body like Mona, but we have to consider that she has created something that belongs to her, even in a world where men feel no issue with telling her how they’d like to photograph her or how her image could be co-opted for marketing. They only know her for a fleeting moment; she has had to construct this form for many, many years.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: The Hooked Generation (1968) and The Psychedelic Priest (1971)

BONUS WILDCARD WEEK (September 22 – 28) Go order something from the SWV website and watch it!

The Hooked Generation (1968): The films that William Grefé made in Florida feel sweaty and messy and filled with menace, just like the Sunshine State itself, the kind of place that could give you both the Happiest Place on Earth and bands like Deicide and, well, Creed.

This time around, Grefé is telling us the story of a group of three drug pushers who are no longer content to kidnap people and assault women. No, they’re in for the big score, killing their Cuban drug suppliers, an act that puts them on a one-way ticket to the kind of horrible end that can only be found in a regional drive-in movie.

Daisy (Jeremy Slate, The Born LosersTrue Grit), Acid (John Davis Chandle, who is also in Grefé’s Mako: The Jaws of Death and Whiskey Mountain, as well as playing the lead bad guy in Adventures In Babysitting) and Dum Dum (Willie Pastrano, who Grefé hired for The Wild Rebels and The Naked Zoo) are absolute scumbags that spend the majority of this movie doing horrible things and talking as much as they can to pad things out.

Look for William Kerwin — who you may know from Herschell Gordon Lewis movies — shows up as an FBI agent.

The Psychedelic Priest (1971): Also known as Electric Shades of Grey and Jesus Freak, The Psychedelic Priest wasn’t really directed by Stewart “Terry” Merrill, but instead William Gréfe, who was paid for this movie in trading stamps, which he described in Brian Albright’s Regional Horror Films, 1958-1990: A State-by-State Guide with Interviews as “Instead of cash, if you owned a TV store and I owned a garage, and you needed your transmission fixed, you’d give me trading stamps. When I needed a TV, I could go get a TV from you.”

Gréfe got paid $100,000 in trading stamps to make this movie that was never released until thirty years later because everyone felt it would be a bomb. As for Gréfe, he was now the president of Ivan Tors Films, making family movies, so he realized that “I didn’t want some wild hippie drug movie with my name as writer and director.”

The cast and the crew were non-actors, mostly real hippies, and the story is rambling at best, as Father John realizes that he can no longer preach to the young people, so he goes on some sort of quest to learn how to fit into a world that doesn’t need religion any longer. He almost leaves the cloth for a woman named Sunny, but by the end of the movie, he’s come back to his commitment to the church.

This was shot on the fly, with scenes mainly being improvised, as well as a soundtrack that is really solid. It’s a great experiment and whether or not it works for you is, well, up to you. I dug what it was trying to do, even if it’s not always successful.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Musical Mutiny (1970)

BONUS WILDCARD WEEK (September 22 – 28) Go order something from the SWV website and watch it!

Barry Mahon is magic. And madness, too.

After volunteering for the Canadian Royal Air Force before America entered World War II, then getting shot down, imprisoned and escaping Stalag Luft III before getting captured again, then being saved by Patton’s 3rd Army and then becoming Errol Flynn’s personal pilot and manager, Mahon’s life was already crazy. Then he started making movies like Rocket Attack U.S.A.Cuban Rebel Girls and Fanny Hill Meets Dr. Erotico

That’s all before Barry set up shop at Florida’s Pirates World theme park — on the north side of Sheridan Street in Dania east of US-1 south of Ft. Lauderdale — and started throwing concerts when he wasn’t making some of the most ludicrous movies — and I mean that as a compliment — ever made, like The Wonderful Land of Oz and perhaps his finest movie, Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

I’ve been hunting for this film, where a pirate’s ghost convinces the staff of the park to put on a free concert, for literally years and years. I found it. And it pleases me to no end. In fact, it is my happening and it freaks me out.

Local bands Grit, New Society and the Fantasy are happy to play for free, but Iron Butterfly is mad that this is a free show and because they aren’t getting paid, they storm off. Luckily, a rich hippy pays them to play “In-a-Gadda-Da-Vida.” I have no idea what we’re supposed to learn from this.

Facts: There are more dune buggies in this than a Filipino post-apocalyptic film. There’s a garbage truck that says, “You are what you eat.” “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” is sixteen minutes long and was probably better with a fistful of narcotics. The pirate also disappears when this show is over.

I can only dream that I could have gone to Pirates World because everyone —  Bowie, Sabbath, Alice Cooper, The Doors, Led Zep and Frank Zappa to name a few — played there. I hate theme parks but I love this place. Other than dying at Action Park in a blaze of blood, guts and thunder, it’s the only place of its ilk that I will ever be able to stomach.

Amongst its many rides was The Crows Nest, an observation tower that in another lifetime has been the Belgian Aerial Tower at the 1964/65 New York World’s Fair. The steeplechase ride was another second-hand purchase, supposedly coming from Coney Island. But how cool is it that in the middle of this piracy park that David Bowie played as Ziggy Stardust?

You can watch this on YouTube.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Day Dream (1964)

BONUS WILDCARD WEEK (September 22 – 28) Go order something from the SWV website and watch it!

Hakujitsumu is based on a 1926 short story by Junichiro Tanizaki that plays with the nature of reality.

An artist and a young woman are in a dentist’s waiting room and the man is too shy to even connect with her. In the same examining room, they’re both giving anesthetic as he imagines that she is being abused and tortured and even chased by a vampire. The uncut Dutch version even has a sexually explicit scene during which the woman is digitally attacked by the dentist.

A big budget example of a pinky violence movie, this film even dared to show female pubic hair, a major cultural crime in Japan. Most instances — even in the most hardcore of films — are digitally fogged or have a mosaic over them.

Director and writer Tetsuji Takechi was nearly 70 when this was made. He’d already filmed Day Dream once before in 1964, after starting his career in kabuki theater and having his own TV show, The Tetsuji Takechi Hour, during which he reinterpreted Japanese stage classics. His next film, 1965’s Black Snow, saw him arrested on indecency charges and fighting a public battle over censorship between the intellectuals of Japan and the country’s government. Takechi won the lawsuit, which opened the way for the pinky films of the 60s and 70s.

Black Snow may be more controversial for its themes than its sex: its protagonist is a young Japanese man whose mother serves the U.S. military at Yokota Air Base as a prostitute. He’s impotent unless making love with a loaded gun in his hand and before long, he’s killed a black soldier before being cut down by several Americans. The film is also fiercely nationalist with Americans — most pointedly the black man who is killed — shown to be nothing but sex-wild animals.

In the journal Eiga Geinjutsu, Takechi said, “The censors are getting tough about Black Snow. I admit there are many nude scenes in the film, but they are psychological nude scenes symbolizing the defencelessness of the Japanese people in the face of the American invasion. Prompted by the CIA and the U.S. Army they say my film is immoral. This is of course an old story that has been going on for centuries. When they suppressed Kabuki plays during the Edo period, forbidding women to act, because of prostitution, and young actors, because of homosexuality, they said it was to preserve public morals. In fact it was a matter of rank political suppression.”

The remake of Day Dream comes a full decade after newspapers would not advertise his movies and the director was only writing. That film is literally Japan’s first hardcore pornographic movie and it was a big budget movie played on big screens.

Yet while Westerners see his influence, in Japan, Takechi was an outsider in the mainstream and pinky world, so he’s forgotten. His right wing politics clash with the protest ethos within other pinky films, so all in all, he’s lost in many ways.

Female star Kyoko Aizome — who plays Chieko– would gain notoriety from this film and become a star in the worlds of feature dancing (being arrested for indecency for her on-stage behavior) and hard and soft AV (adult video) movies. According to an article on The Bloody Pit of Horror, she had her hymen surgically repaired so she could lose her virginity again on camera and also had her own King Kong vs. Godzilla moment when she starred in Traci Takes Tokyo opposite an underage Traci Lords.

As for the vampires, the dentist’s assistants (Saeda Kawaguchi and Yuri Yaio) have fangs and the dentist himself is Kwaidan actor Kei Sato, a mainstream talent appearing in a movie that is anything but. Even after Chieko runs over the dentist and decapitates him, he comes back as a traditional film vampire.

After the original movie was made, South Korean director Yu Hyun-mok remade it as Chunmong (Empty Dream) and was arrested because there was a rumored nude scene. There were also rumors that actress Park Su-jeong had been humiliated by appearing nude on the set. The truth was that she wore a body stocking. Supposedly, the Korean film, which was kept off screens until 2004, is a superior piece of surrealist art.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Getting Into Heaven (1970)

BONUS WILDCARD WEEK (September 22 – 28) Go order something from the SWV website and watch it!

Edward L. Montoro, the man who was the heart and soul of the main era of Film Ventures International, only directed one other movie — Platinum Pussycat — and wrote two others — again, Platinum Pussycat and Day of the Animals — other than this movie.

Heaven (Marie Marceau, which is hilarious, because who else would mistake Uschi Digard with that body and accent?), Sin (Jennie Lynn, who played four roles on My Three Sons before this) and Karen (Phyllis Stengel, who was in tons of early adult, like Ed Wood’s Take It Out In Trade) are out to become movie stars, even leaving behind Heaven’s cop man Bernie (Scott Cameron).

This leads him to Mr. Salacity (Miles White), a Hollywood producer who gets them on the casting couch. It’s pretty much what you expect, except for the fact that the men never show anything while the women show it all. There’s also a scene where Uschi gets a cold and to heal herself, she has one of her friends cover her breasts with Vicks VapoRub. I love Vicks so much, so this scene meant a lot to me, particularly when you realize that it takes two gigantic tubs of the stuff to even get close to covering the pride of Saltsjö-Duvnäs, Sweden’s 48 F bosom.

I mean, you kind of have to see that, you know?

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Kiss Me Quick! (1964)

BONUS WILDCARD WEEK (September 22 – 28) Go order something from the SWV website and watch it!

Both of the titles of this movie reference others: Kiss Me Quick! is a takeoff of Kiss Me, Stupid and the original title, Dr. Breedlove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love, is obviously taken from Kubrick.

Sterilox is an alien who has come from the Buttless galaxy. He’s played by Frank A. Coe, using the name Fattie Beltbuckle. He ends up in the lab of Dr. Breedlove (Max Gardens), seeking a perfect woman to become the housewife for their planet. Yes, not for breeding. Who are we to not respect the command of the Grand Glom? Yet, one wonders, why is the alien Stan Laurel? And why. is Dr. Breedlover more Bela Lugosi than Peter Sellers?

“Dance! Dance, my little sex bombs!” yells the mad scientist as women gyrate all around the alien and then Frankenstein’s Monster, Dracula and a mummy show up. This is like Famous Monsters if it had a few pages from Leg Show in it, what with all of the stockings being slowly removed.

Director Peter Perry Jr. has the kind of resume that I get obsessed over (and so did Something Weird). Revenge of the VirginsHoneymoon of TerrorMr. Peter’s PetsKnockers UpMy Tale Is HotThe Wondrful World of Girls, The Notorious Daughter of Fanny HillMondo ModThe Secret Sex Lives of Romeo and JulietThe Notorious CleopatraThe Joys of JezebelCycle VixensA Woman’s Dream and many years later, an uncredited job on Taboo VII, long after the fun days of porno chic had become dead and buried.

This was the first movie produced by Harry Novak. He was hands on, as he and Perry did a talent search at strip clubs, looking for women who could act and who would also take their clothes off. This was the start of him getting a roster of actresses looking for work who had been bumping and grinding under wigs and assumed names. Novak’s Boxoffice International Pictures would go on to make more than fifty movies after this.

This is also the first movie in the U.S. for cinematographer László Kovács, who had been in the U.S. for two years and not been hired. He couldn’t speak English and wasn’t in the union. Novak met him and hired him for several of his films — this is the best looking nudie cutie that you will ever see — before he became an in-demand cinematographer in Hollywood.

Coe also played the Frankenstein Monster and did sound, while Max Gardens was the other producer. Also known as Manny Goodtimes, he played Lucifer in My Tale Is Hot and was a men’s club owner.

The ladies in this include Boobra (Natasha, also in The Kill and One Million AC/DC), Kissme (Jackie De Witt, No Tears for the Damned), Barebra (Bibi), Hotty Totty (Claudia Banks), Gertie Tassle (Althea Currier, Sinderella and the Golden Bra), Gigi String (Donna, The Forbidden), Lotta Cash (Lucky) and Gina Cathchafanni (Pat Hall).

What a strange little movie. Pure joy!

You can download this from the Internet Archive.

September Drive-In Super Monster-Rama 2024 Primer: Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957)

September Drive-In Super Monster-Rama is back at The Riverside Drive-In Theatre in Vandergrift, PA on September 27 and 28, 2024. Admission is still only $15 per person each night (children 12 and under free with adult) and overnight camping is available (breakfast included) for an additional $15 per person. You can buy tickets at the show but get there early and learn more here.

The features for Friday, September 27 are The RavenThe TerrorThe Little Shop of Horrors and Attack of the Crab Monsters. Saturday, September 28 has The BeyondOperaCemetery Man and A Blade In the Dark.

Directed by Roger Corman, this played double features with his film Not of This Earth.

A group of scientists and sailors land on a remote Pacific Ocean island as a search party for a previous expedition that disappeared without a trace. Just like the New X-Men and Krakoa, huh? While they’re there, the scientists plan on studying the impact of nuclear tests from the Bikini Atoll on the island’s ecosystem.

Charles B. Griffith, who wrote this, said he was kind of conned into it: “Roger came to me and said, “I want to make a picture called Attack of the Giant Crabs” and I asked, “Does it have to be atomic radiation?” He responded, “Yes.” He said it was an experiment. “I want suspense or action in every scene. No kind of scene without suspense or action.” His trick was saying it was an experiment, which it wasn’t. He just didn’t want to bother cutting out the other scenes, which he would do.”

Corman, ever the one to make it seem nice, said “I talked to Chuck Griffith about this. Chuck and I worked out a general storyline before he went to work on the script. I told him, “I don’t want any scene in this picture that doesn’t either end with a shock or the suspicion that a shocking event is about to take place.” And that’s how the finished script read.”

Will Dr. Karl Weigand (Leslie Bradley), geologist James Carson,(Richard H. Cutting) and biologists Jules Deveroux (Mel Welles), Martha Hunter (Pamela Duncan) and Dale Drewer (Richard Garland) survive? I know who doesn’t. A sailor named Tate, played by Griffith, who also directed some of the action moments.

Not only does this have giant crabs, they’re also telepathic giant crabs. Guy N. Smith must have seen this movie before he wrote Night of the Crabs, Killer Crabs, The Origin of the Crabs, Crabs on the Rampage, Crabs’ Moon, Crabs: The Human Sacrifice, Crabs’ Fury, Crabs’ Armada, Crabs: Unleashed, Killer Crabs: The Return, Crabs Omnibus and The Charnel Caves: A Crabs Novel.