“Well, kiddies, I’m afraid our designer hanger offer has expired. Would somebody please get Mr. De La Renta out of here? Next up on the home chopping network, it’s time for the Crypt Keeper’s fashion boo-tique. Today, we’re featuring my full line of Apres Vie death care products. We’ve got everything from face scream to mas-scare-a. Try some. It’s the best thing you can do for…dem-ise. Or maybe I could interest you in tonight’s special. It’s a tasteless tidbit about a traveling cemetery plot salesmen who’s about to make a grave mistake. I call it “Death of Some Salesmen.””
Judd Campbell (Ed Begley Jr.) is a con artist selling cemetery plots that end up being scams. He starts with Mrs. Jones (Yvonne De Carlo) before moving on to the Pa Brackett (Tim Curry). Well, the whole Brackett family is played by Tim Curry and Campbell soon learns that they love to kill off traveling salesmen, starting with the head that he finds in the microwave. They want him to marry their daughter, but can Campbell outsell these maniacs?
The main reason to watch this? Tim Curry. He’s great, as always.
This story is based on “Death of Some Salesmen!” from Haunt of Fear #15. It was written by Al Feldstein and William Gaines and drawn by Jack Davis. The daughter is not in this story but instead, it’s about an older couple who test out products on the bodies of the men selling them.
Directed by Elliot Silverstein (Cat Ballou, The Car) and written by Stanley Ralph Ross, who developed Wonder Woman for TV, this story has Jack (Kevin McCarthy) find the secret to youth in the woods. He gives it to his friends Harry (J.A. Preston) and Lucille (Madge Sinclair), but they keep it a secret from his wife Cynthia (Margot Kidder).
“Geronimo! So glad you could drop in, kill-seekers! Don’t worry about me, it only hearse when I laugh! Boy, that was good! It’s even better than hang-gliding! Of course, some folks would rather keep their feet on terra firma, like the people in tonight’s putrid piece. They’re spending a nice, quiet weekend in the woods, going *hack* to nature! I call this fetid fable…”Curiosity Killed.””
Cynthia has abused Jack for their entire marriage, so no one wants her to deage along with them, thanks to the Icarunda bulbs that Jack has found and that Lucille is cooking into a voodoo serum. Harry saved Jack’s life in the war, so he wants to repay him with a new life. Cynthia thinks they are trying to murder her, so when she learns that they are planning to get young without her, she ruins their plans, kills them and takes it for herself. The only problem? She gets mauled to death by a dog, who soon becomes a puppy.
This episode is based on a story from Shock Illustrated #3. It was written by Al Feldstein and drawn by Reed Crandall. This story is actually a revision of “Curiosity Killed…” from Tales from the Crypt #36 which was written by William Gaines and Feldstein and drawn by George Evans.
Directed by Steve Perry and written by Rita Mae Brown (Slumber Party Massacre) and Scott Nimerfro, this feels like James Bond in a horror movie. That makes sense, because Timothy Dalton plays the hero. Or does he?
“This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. And this is your brain after watching Tales from the Crypt! Evening creeps. We interrupt your regularly scheduled terrorvision program to bring you a bit of culture. That’s right kiddies. Tonight instead of rotting your grave matter, I’m going to improve it with a tasteful tale about someone who just can’t fright the feeling. I call it “Werewolf Concerto.””
Lokai (Dalton) and Mr. Hertz (Walter Gotell) are matching wits as werewolf attacks happen at a hotel. Hotel owner Antoine (Dennis Farina) has hired a werewolf hunter to keep his guests safe and we’re to assume that Lokai is that man and that Hertz is the monster. Lokai also falls for a former actress, Janice Baird (Beverly D’Angelo) who — this is Tales from the Crypt so it’s not a spoiler — is more than she seems. Actually, everyone is hiding something in this.
This has a pretty good cast, as Reginald VelJohnson, Charles Fleischer, Lela Rochon and even Wolfgang Puck make appearances.
This is based on “Werewolf Concerto!” which was in Vault of Horror #16. It was written by William Gaines and Al Feldstein and drawn by Johnny Craig. It has Mademoiselle Micheline, a famous piano player, staying in a hotel that is haunted by a werewolf who ends up being the owner. She’s a vampire, so you can guess how this ends.
Back in the 1950s, Joseph Renfield (Donald O’Connor) and his puppets Koko the Clown and Cowboy Clyde were the biggest show on TV. Now, however, Joseph is an infirm shut-in who makes puppets all day and talks to Koko as a voice in his head. He’s also incredibly jealous about his wife Ellen (Patricia Charbonneau), refusing to let her leave the house. Then, Joseph gets the offer to appear on a tribute show.
“Oh, hello boars and ghouls. I hope you’ll excuse me if I don’t get up. I’m a little stiff today. Then again, I’m a little stiff every day! Actually, I twisted my neck playing croak-et. But it wasn’t hurting the way I thought it should, so I called my chiro-hack-ter. Of course, some people look elsewhere for their pain, like the old man in tonight’s terror tale. His idea of an anti-die-otic was to marry a younger woman.sure) Ahhhh. I call this plasma play: “Strung Along.””
The one day a week that Ellen can leave is for her acting class and that’s where she meets David (Zach Galligan). She suggests that he be her husband’s assistant for the show and as they grow close, he soon learns that his wife is cheating with someone named Rick and not even going to her lessons.
This being an E.C. Comics story, David is really Rick and they make a fake murder using Koko, setting up him “killing” Ellen. Joseph has a heart attack, but yes, this is Tales from the Crypt, so the real Koko appears and does away with the lovers.
Directed and written by effects artist Kevin Yagher, this is a pretty fun episode. You should never cheat on anyone around the Crypt Keeper. This was co-written with Yale Udoff, who is pitched the Batman TV series. He also wrote the TV movie Hitchhike! and the Nicholas Roeg film A Sensual Obsession.
This episode is based on the story “Strung Along!” from Vault of Horror #33. It was written by Al Feldstein and William Gaines and drawn by Graham Ingels. There isn’t cheating in that story, but there is a wife who tries to sell her husband’s puppets.
Directed by Joel Silver — normally a producer; this is the only script he has directed — and written by Fred Dekker, this story has a con man named Vic (Joe Pesci) dating twins April Dobbs and June Echeson Blair (Jacqueline Alexandra and Kristen Amber Citron) to get their inheritance. However, things don’t always work out on Tales from the Crypt.
“Oh, hello kiddies! Tonight’s coffin caper is so crammed with ghastly greed, sickening sex, and vomitous violence, that parental guidance is advised. So… guide your parents out of the room, so we can have some fun! (cackles) This tale concerns a gambling man with a bad case of double vision, who’s about to hit the hack-pot. I call this twin helping of horror “Split Personality.””
Vic starts out stealing ten grand from Don (Burt Young), then crashes his car because of two black cats. This leads him to the Blair mansion, where the twins hold him at gunpoint. He uses his smarmy charm to talk about their father’s architectural abilities as he starts to seduce both of them, all to get the $2 billion bucks they are worth. He takes it so far that he creates a twin for himself, Jack, who is him with sunglasses and a ponytail.
He switches identities every month and marries both twins, April as Vic, June as Jack. Things are so good that the girls even discuss just giving themselves at the same time to whatever husband is home. When they discover that there’s only Vic, it’s bad news for him, because just like how they couldn’t stand to share their father, they can’t share him. So they chainsaw him in half and each take a bloody piece back to their beds to fondle and sleep with.
This comes from Vault of Horror #30 and was written by Al Feldstein and William Gaines and drawn by Johnny Craig. In that story, the twins are more innocent, but the end of the story is almost the same, as they split the antagonist with an axe.
Directed by a big name — John Frankenheimer — and written by Mae Woods (her only script, she mainly worked as a producer and as Walter Hill’s assistant), this predates the true crime world of these days as a librarian named Margaret (Blythe Danner) becomes obsessed with a serial killer.
“City life got you down, kiddies? Looking for a home on derange? Well, look no further because I’ve got exactly what you want. It’s a charming tomb with a view. Think of it as your own little house on the scary. You’re not interested? What’s the matter? Afraid you can’t get a morgue-age? Oh well, that’s exactly how the woman in tonight’s tortured tale feels. She’s upset because there’s a killer loose in her neighborhood. In a putrid property I call Maniac at Large.””
This episode has quite the cast, include Clarence Williams III, Adam Ant, Salome Jens (The Foolkiller), Irwin Keyes and Harper Roisman (the mountain man who nurses Michael Myers back to health in Halloween 5). It gives Danner the chance to lose her mind as she starts to believe that she’s been locked in the library with the killer.
This episode was based on “Maniac at Large” in Shock SuspenStories #27. It was written by Al Feldstein and William Gaines and drawn by George Evans.
Outside of Sedona, Arizona is Bradshaw Ranch, a paranormal hotspot that has seen rumors of black helicopters flying overhead, underground military tunnels, military troops walking the streets, strange lights in the sky, Men In Black and aliens. It’s right down the road from Skinwalker Ranch and has just as many strange vortexes and interdimensional portals.
This documentary was created after six months of research by “paranormal investigators, psychics and open-minded scientists.” Their goal was to get evidence on film and on scientific instruments of the weirdness that exists in the area. The sales copy claims that what they found “uncovered transcended the boundaries of our understanding, revealing a profound revelation: we are not alone in the universe.”
The area was settled by Bob Bradshaw, who bought 140 acres of land and started building a town he called Bitter Creek. If you’ve seen it before, it’s where the Elvis movie Stay Away Joe was made. Almost as soon as he and his wife Linda moved there, however, they started to see balls of blue light in the night skies and strange creatures that they couldn’t explain. Yes, Bigfoot shows up.
If you also have an open mind — and love paranormal shows, you’ll enjoy this exploration into a place perhaps not as covered as other hot spots.
VCI and MVD have released both the original TV movie — which Donald Guarisco says is “…one of the best made-for-television horror films ever made!”– on 4K UHD and blu ray as a set. Extras include a Dark Night of the Scarecrow commentary by Heath Holland of Cereal at Midnight, Robert Kelly and Amanda Reyes; another commentary track for the original film by J.D. Feigelson and Frank DeFelitta; a commentary on the sequel by Feigelson; a featurette on the original film; a cast reunion; two CBS commercials and a behind-the-scenes gallery. You can get it on blu ray or 4K UHD from MVD.
Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1981): Originally airing on October 24, 1981, Dark Night of the Scarecrow was directed by Frank De Felitta, who wrote Audrey Rose and TheEntity. It was originally intended to be an independent film, but was bought by CBS.
Somewhere in the Deep South, a mentally challenged giant named Charles Eliot “Bubba” Ritter (Larry Drake) becomes friends with a young girl named Marylee Williams. This being a small town, people start to talk, with postman Otis Hazelrigg (Charles Durning) being the loudest of them.
When Bubba saves Marylee from a dog attack, Otis believes that the simple man really caused the damage. He gathers a posse to hunt him down, but Bubba’s mom has hidden him in the field as a scarecrow. But that doesn’t stop bloodhounds from finding him and the four men form a firing squad, killing the man with no trial.
Of course, Marylee is alive and Bubba should be the hero, but the four men lie in court, claiming he tried to kill them with a pitchfork. Marylee refuses to believe her friend is gone and slowly, the rest of town discovers that she might be right, as the scarecrow keeps showing up to frighten the guilty men.
Otis knows he’s guilty and believes that Bubba’s mom is behind all of this, so he tries to intimidate her. She is so shocked by him that she has a heart attack and he sets her home on fire. He starts wiping out everyone who could connect him of the crime before finally coming after Marylee.
I love how this film ends, with Otis running from a plowing machine and the very tool that he used to blame Bubba being part of his demise. Does Bubba return? I also really love that the film kind of leaves that decision up to you.
Bonus: You can listen to us discuss this on our podcast.
Dark Night of the Scarecrow 2 (2022): J.D. Feigelson wrote the screenplay for the TV movie Dark Night of the Scarecrow more than forty years ago and now, it’s finally time for a sequel. This time, he both directed and wrote the film, whereas the original was directed by Frank De Felitta (the writer of Z.P.G., Audrey Rose, The Entity, Scissors and more, as well as the director of Killer in the Mirror, Trapped and The Two Worlds of Jennie Logan).
Can it measure up to a film that many see as a true classic?
Chris Rhymer (Amber Wedding) and her young son Jeremy (Aiden Shurr) have recently moved to a small town in Stubblefield County. Their very arrival is a mystery to the close-knit town; after all why would someone move from the big city to their little town and be content to work in a country store?
While Chris tries to build a new life, Jeremy grows closer to the older woman who watches him after school every day named Aunt Hildie (Carol Dines) and also begins speaking to an imaginary friend that he refers to as Bubba. Chris is losing track of everything in her life and finds herself confiding in the worn scarecrow in the field, telling it all the secrets of her life while placing a flower in its lapel, a flower that’s returned to her as she sleeps.
Meanwhile, it turns out that Hildie is using Jeremy to reach the spirit hidden within the scarecrow, just as Chris’ past comes back with tragic results, as it turns out that Chris was in witness protection and she’s been found.
Unfortunately, while the movie attempts to remind us of the first film, it in no way can match it or even add to it. Whereas the original only hinted that perhaps something supernatural was happening, the sequel fully invests in the idea that Bubba is inside the scarecrow. I don’t expect that past cast to come back — most of them died in that film and are also sadly no longer with us — but I have such a strong feeling and adoration for the original that this feels like an unwanted hanger-on.
I wanted to love this movie. Sadly, it fell quite far from the mark. It may have had a lower budget than the 1981 TV movie. I tried not to judge it against that film, but as I said, it’s a classic, a TV film that makes the most of its budget with effective filmmaking and assured direction.
“Oh! Hello, plague-goers. I was just re-hearse-ing with my little theater group. I just love the slime-light. For tonight’s dreary drama, I thought we’d try an ex-scare-imental piece about a retired drag racer who’s afraid of getting to the finished line a little sooner than he wants. I call this nasty nugget: King of the Road.””
Billy Drake (Brad Pitt) is in town to do some drag racing and to challenge Sheriff Joe Garrett (Raymond J. Barry, Dewey Cox’s dad), who he believes was once a drag racer named Iceman. He starts dating Joe’s teenage daughter Carey (Michelle Bronson). Beyond sleeping with the lawman’s daughter under his roof, he also leaves a tarantula in his mailbox and blackmails him with evidence of his past where a race killed someone. He’s kept that secret for 27 years and it takes Billy threatening to shoot Carey in the head to get him behind the wheel one more time.
At the end, it’s a race to the grave between Billy’s 1969 Chevrolet Chevelle 2-Door Hardtop and Joe’s 1957 Chevrolet Bel Air 2-Door Sedan.
This wasn’t based on any EC Comics. With so many great stories to adapt, that upsets me, no matter how good this episode is.
This episode was taken from Two-Fisted Tales, which was a pilot that HBO hoped would reproduced the success of this series. “Showdown” was written by Frank Darabont and directed by Richard Donner and is the story of a gunfighter’s last stand.
“Howdy, illgrim. Wah-huh. It’s die noon, and you know what that means, don’t you? It means it’s time for a gunfright at the O.K. Ghoulral. ‘Cause this tomb ain’t big enough for the both of us. Which brings me to tonight’s tale. It’s about a gunslinger who’s about to ride into his last roundup. I call this prairie poison “Showdown.””
After killing Texas Ranger Tom McMurdo (David Morse), outlaw Billy Quintaine (Neil Giuntoli) makes his way to a ghost town that is filled with the vengeful ghosts of the many people that he has killed.
It’s interesting that the show tried to save money by recycling “Yellow” for Two-Fisted Tales and used this story and “King of the Road” for episodes of Tales from the Crypt. I wonder how much crossover there would have been if both series aired.
This episode is inspired by a story in Two-Fisted Tales #37 but it’s an original story. The comic story “Showdown” was written by William Gaines and Al Feldstein and drawn by John Severin.
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