9. FULL MOON FEVER: Since the “heavenly body” is out tonight, a lycanthrope story seems just right.

Richard Daninsky (Jay Richardson) is the latest in the line of the Daninsky family, a bloodline that also includes noted werewolf Waldemar (Paul Naschy). He’s just inherited a castle filled with hidden treasure, so he brings a reality show into the home and you guessed it, Elizabeth Bathory (Michele Bauer!) shows up to pull the silver dagger out of Waldemar’s body just in time for him to be unleashed on a bevy of sex scene having individuals — and couples — like Evan Stone, Monique Alexander, Beverly Lynn, Jacy Andrews, Stephanie Bentley and Danielle Petty.

Directed and written by Fred Olen Ray, this was made at the same time as Countess Dracula’s Orgy of Blood, also shot in America and starring Naschy.

Re-released as The Unliving, this was shot by Gary Graver. And come on, if you have to make a softcore horror movie and could get Naschy in it, wouldn’t you? But still, it’s a Cinemax-style sex movie with long scenes with no genitals and people dry humping while Paul Naschy is in full makeup, just waiting to go on and do his werewolf thing. His wife was in the hospital sick in America while they made this, he barely spoke the language and he had to be confronted by all this U.S.A. softcore and how disconcerting is that? And it’s his last werewolf movie? I mean, that’s either jubilant that he went out in a movie with so much balling or sad and it’s late on a Saturday and I’ve taken too many edibles so I think it makes me wistful.

I am all for Michelle Bauer being Bathory and doing a Black Sabbath opening. More of that.