Sam the Bossman assigned me this movie for our October 2021 “Slasher Month.” He knows the Aussie accent irradiates me to tears (you frackin’ bastard). Initially, I clipped Marty DiBergi’s Spinal Tap documentary and typed: “Vegemite Shit Sandwich.” Then, I came to my critical sense and typed: “Poltergeist meets A Nightmare on Elm Street.” I added a theatrical one sheet and a trailer. Hit send. Done. Next review.
Then Sam sent me a “WTF” text and he gave me shite about “word count.” Okay, then. Here we go. You want words, you got ’em: “Remember how cool Eyes of Fire was? Well, Stone of Death is the shitty version of that movie. Aka this one as Stones of Bore.”
Still not enough words? Damn. Okay, here we go. . . .
The teenaged residents of a housing development on the suburban outskirts find themselves in trouble upon discovering their real estate tract was built on top of a sacred aboriginal graveyard* — where lurks the spirit of an aboriginal witch doctor, aka a Kadaicha Man, who placed a curse on said lands.
As with Mr. Krueger: the Kadaicha Man comes to them in their dreams, and leaves them in the possession of the ancient trinkets of the title. The crystal stone, of course (Kadaicha are aborigine stones, if you care; don’t worry, the trailer will educate with the correct pronunciation), marks them for death — demises that arrive in a series of explainable “accidents,” à la James Wong’s later and pretty fine, Final Destination.
So, yeah, a mash-up of A Nightmare on Elm Street** and Poltergeist . . . are you lovin’ or hatin’?
Well, the kills are low-budget minimal, which means lots of cutaways . . . then seeing what happened after said cutaway. The effects are cheap, the acting is questionable, the plot is troped and full of holes. However, the spiders let loose in the library for one of the from-beyond-kills is pretty decent. But one good scene does not a decent film make. So dump this supernatural slasher in the outback and let the crocodiles gnaw on it.
And don’t you dare pay a dime to stream Stones of Death. Watch it for free on You Tube.
So goes another “Slasher Month” for this October 2021 at B&S About Movies. Goo’ day, mate!
* There’s more folksy burial ground tomfoolery with Night of Horror (1981), which gives us Confederate Civil War ghosts, as does Armand Mastroianni’s borefest, The Supernaturals (1986), and Ghostriders (1987) with its western ghosts deep in the heart of Texas (a well made, but a boring, VHS eject). An honorable mention goes to William Grefe’s awful but fun drive-in nostalgia romp Death Curse of Tartu (1966) with its burial ground Indians.
** More ripoffs are afoot with our “Ten Movies That Totally Ripoff A Nightmare on Elm Street” featurette that never fails in receiving a lot of hits this time of the year. So thanks for that, ye surfers.