Dr. Frank Demonico (Mark C. Fullhardt) was a couples therapist in Amityville who may have killed several of the couples that he was supposedly helping.

So yes, this is a sequel to Amityville Thanksgiving and even has an opening with so many talking heads — and yes, one TV report — where various crowdfunded people get to read lines of exposition.

Directed by Will Collazo Jr. and Julie Anne Prescott, who wrote the script with David Rodriguez, this moves into a director named Rocco (Michael Ruggiere) pitching his latest movie to studio boss Ivy (Erica Dyer). He wants to make a movie called The Amityville Cannibal Thanksgiving about Demonico and make it in Amityville.

Yet as the crew starts to film, they’re killed one by one by a foul — fowl, ugh — mouthed turkey who is working with a groundskeeper named Bram (Dino Castelli). Yes, this is not just a fake Amityville, but it’s also Thankskilling without the budget.

As for the killer turkey, he’s Frank Jr. (Steven Kiseleski) and he’s not above using a chainsaw to murder his victims. I liked him, even if he sounds mid-poop in every line of dialogue that he says.

This is the sixty-first Amityville movie that I’ve watched. That says some horrible things about me, when you think about it, because at an average of 90 minutes each, I have spent 3.91 days of my life on these movies, not even to mention the time that I wrote about them, appeared on podcasts and talked to others about them.

This one attempts to be both a meta behind the scenes of independent filmmaking while also, again, being Thankskilling. There also seems to be lights strobing in almost every bar scenes, as if the cops pulled the entire bar over. Speaking of excrement making, every time Rocco appears on screen, he’s making mid-loaf pinching faces. Even when doing coke, which he leaves on the bar. I’m not telling you how to be a drug addict, Rocco, but take your drugs with you.

I love that indie movies just have so many swear words in them. It makes them seem so realistic, especially when rubber turkeys come to life and chainsaw people to death.

At 42 minutes in, I decided to look at how much time was left, sure that this was nearly over. No, I am not even at the halfway point. I have entered the singularity, the point where matter is theoretically compressed to infinite density. Here, the laws of physics break down as I enter the final destination for everything that survives past the event horizon of a black hole. I feel like I am watching the Star Child from 2001 while at once being the Star Child, aware and not aware of what is happening. Is this movie still a swear-filled ode to making a bad movie or has it become one? Why are some rooms lit as if Mario Bava is coming over for a beer? Why is there a groundskeeper like The Shining? Why does the groundskeeper sound like a mob guy? Can my thoughts escape past the infinitely tiny point I have found myself within, as all known conceptions of time and space completely end?

“Can someone tell me what the fuck is going on around here?” Ivy yells at one point. This is before more of the cast and crew are killed, then Frank Jr. ties a woman up and attempts to have sex with her as she tells him that she can’t feel anything and his father must have never explained to him how to pleasure a woman properly.

The credits? They are over ten minutes long.

You can get this from SRS or watch it on Tubi.

Directed by Natalie Erika James from a screenplay she co-wrote with Christian White and Skylar James, Apartment 7A has the roughest of battles to fight. Do we need a prequel to what may be the most perfect horror movie ever, Rosemary’s Baby? We’ve had a TV movie sequel, Look What’s Happened to Rosemary’s Baby and a 2014 miniseries remake. What does this have to bring to the table?

In my eyes, a lot.

After their 2010 A Nightmare On Elm Street was a critical failure, Platinum Dunes stopped making remakes and reimaginings for some time, other than restarting the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles films. Since the success of their A Quiet Place and The Purge movies, they’ve embraced sequels and films set within the universe of their properties.

Terry Gionoffrio (Julia Garner) was just a short conversation and a death in the original, but here she’s a dancer who will seemingly do anything to be on Broadway, getting to be in Kiss Me, Kate before horribly breaking her ankle, an injury that she deals with via pills and determination. On another failed audition, she follows producer Alan Marchand (Jim Sturgess) home, becomes sick and is helped by Roman (Kevin McNally) and Minnie Castavet (Dianne Wiest). Over the next few days, she has a bad dream and wakes up on bed with Marchand, who tells her she got the part. Another nightmare leads to a neighbor named Lily giving her a salve that fixes her ankle, just days before Lily attacks her with scissors.

The Bramford is, as always, a strange place.

As you’d imagine, she’s soon pregnant and has the Castavets taking a special interest in her. Dr. Sapirstein seems too strange; a back alley abortion leads to the doctor having a seizure, you see where this is all going.

You’ve seen this part before. A party, where 1965 will be year one and God dies; Satan will be born. Except that — spoilers here — Terry dances to “Be My Baby” and sort of like The Pyx — exactly like? — she throws herself out the window, ending the child’s life before it can happen.

There’s a lot of fan service, but I think my wife may be the one person getting it all, like Minnie drinking a vodka blush or the Woodhouses walking through the police tape when the film ends. But after years of Blumhouse remakes angering her with how they play with the culture that she loves, she was wildly pleased with this film. Compared to the recent ‘Salem’s Lot, this feels practically worshipful. Wiest is great in her role.

Yes, we didn’t need a prequel to this film. But as I always say, when done well — or even just OK — films like this give us what we want most of all, more time in the worlds of the movies that we love the most.

Chris Stokes and Marques Houston are the kings of Tubi. Seriously, these guys have a movie a month and it feels like I’m the only one going crazy about their work, but who cares? You can be a weirdo like me and get super jazzed about these movies too and yell at your TV or whatever device you choose to watch Tubi on.

When we last saw Joanna (Cassidey Fralin), she had ruined the lives of her father, real estate millionaire Michael Lawrence (Blue Kimble) and her new stepmother Whitney (Annie Ilonzeh), a self-made cosmetics company owner. To remind you how horrible she is, this starts with flashbacks to her launching her grandmother down the steps, burning a woman’s face with tainted makeup, killing a family friend, throwing a woman off a balcony and so much more. They skipped how she threw Whitney’s mother’s ashes all over the place!

I’m already yelling at the screen and this just got started.

Michael is missing, Joanna is contained in critical condition in a hospital after being shot in the chest and the cops are on the case. Somehow, despite the police knowing where she is, they can’t contact her family. Look, I’m not here to make these movies make sense. I’m here to react like I’m watching old ECW matches.

Despite Joanna nearly being dead, she kills someone and runs off. Did you expect anything to be different? No. Look, we’re here to see people drink fancy drinks in fancy places and interfamily ballistics.

This guy Matt is trying to pick up Ms. Daniels at a bar when Christopher drops in and threatens him, says he’s her husband, then says, “Blessings, king” before calling the guy an asshole.

Two weeks later and Joanna is in Debra’s house, refusing to help cook or clean. She’s only there because they can’t find her father, who you know, we just saw. Joanna follows this up by kicking her Aunt Deb down the steps as her kids lose their minds. She’s good at launching people down the steps.

Now it’s one year later. Christopher is now married to Tessa (Erica Pinkett), who owns Stretch, a non-surgical spandex company. She has a son named Trevor (Keyon Bowman), who is quite the athlete. So Christopher has done pretty well in a short time, finding another gorgeous wife and a great family. They both helped him heal and he’s honored to be in their family.

Joanna shows up on schedule, arriving at a family party, the same as the last movie.

“How did your aunt die?” asks Christopher.

“She fell down the stairs,” replies Joanna.

“Again?” Christopher screams.

“Why is my family so clumsy?” answers Joanna, crying and begging for a place to stay.

While Tessa has some issues, Joanna moves in and starts tutoring her son. She knows what’s going on with her father, who thinks that he’s into another scam. And as for Whitney cuts her wrist on a bottle and screams at her children, saying that she failed and their friend died. She was married to a murderer!

On that same day, she goes to her first day of AA and sees Cedric (Mike Hill), the cop who is on the trail of Joanna and Michael. Whitney is worried because she shot both of them in the heart and they’re still alive. He wants to use her as bait and, you know, they used to date.

Michael has gotten Tessa pregnant, which screws up his plans with his daughter, as now they need to kill everyone to make sure they get the money. Just as he reveals that he knows she is going to be having a baby, Brandon shows up.

Who?

Brandon is Tessa’s ex and Chris takes it about as well as you’d think. He’s Travis’ biological father, not Hank, her husband who died. Chris says, “You need to explain this to me like i’m a child.” Trevor doesn’t even know that his dead is alive and she goes through the story of how she had a baby and yet married another man.

Best of all, Brandon doesn’t know that he has a son.

The world of The Stepdaughter is a pretty complicated one.

Meanwhile, the crazy guy from across the street, Henry — who Travis is afraid of — knows that Joanna is a criminal from watching the news. He keeps trying to get the word out to Tessa, who is all upset about Brandon, who has also upset Chris.

While this is all happening, the family from the last movie is trying to get the cops the help they need, just as Whitney reconnects with Cedric, a fact that doesn’t seem to make her sons happy.

As if enough hasn’t happened, Joanna has killed the old man across the street and tells Travis about his real father. It turns out. that Joanna was the one that informed everyone — Brandon and Travis — about them being father and son. Tessa reacts by trying to asphyxiate Joanna, while Chris tackles her and then Travis hits him. Tessa screams for everyone to get out.

The Stepdaughter 2 lives up to the legacy of Stokes and Houston, perhaps their best movie yet.

Trevor leaves to see his father just in time to see Chris punching him into oblivion. Everyone has run away and Tessa is calling the police, just as Chris grabs her and starts to shake her like a baby. This is soon followed by Joanna taking Travis and knocking Tessa out with a frying pan before telling her father that he made a mistake falling for one of his targets. She calls him his real name, Michael, as the cops start to figure it all out.

As for Joanna, she’s the only child that gets to be happy, as she wants to poison everyone to get revenge for Chris/Michael killing her mother. Now she wants to kill everyone and get everything, which has father and daughter firing guns at one another and stalking through a dark house.

The cops arrive just in time, but come on, you know this can’t end like that. Chris/Michael has escape prison and the police want Joanna/Maggie to help them find her, just as her father shows up at Whitney’s mansion.

The Stepdaughter 3? I can’t wait.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Directed by Gabby Revilla Lugo and written by Dana Brawer, this film starts with a book club who are all reading a series of books with the same name as the title of this movie, Secret Life of a Dominatrix. I wonder if they’re all reading the book by Summer Bradford, which I found on Walmart’s web site, that has purple prose like this to sell it: “My name is Sarah Fielder, normal looking University student. However, you may know me by my other persona, Miss Trix. Mistress Trix, Dominatrix.”

May (Mariel Molino) is pretty excited about reading this book, because her sex life with her husband Kurt (Andrew Biernat, who seems to have a fan club on IMDB giving this 10/10 reviews) has grown stale ever since she had a miscarriage and oh yeah, had an affair.

Her friends get all worked up as well, so they decide to go check out a local sex club, which actually ends up being people talking and not just having wall to wall sex, which is pretty realistic one imagines. May becomes friends with Olivia (Jenna Kanell) and Kelly (Marcia Harvey) and several other women, gradually realizing that she is not a submissive but instead dominant.

When she tries to bring that fun home to her husband and be honest — instead of cheating again — he keeps going hot and cold with her. It’s just not for him, so she decides to keep it all held within.

And that would be the movie, except this also wants to be a giallo — well, erotic thriller — and have a Red Light Killer who can’t be anyone other than Kurt. This murderer ends up offing one of the book club members, Dee (Imani Vaughn-Jones), and makes all the ladies decide to stay inside instead of exploring dungeons. Well, except May, who can’t stay away, and soon learns that her husband — again, surprise — also goes to the same club to be a rough — and none well liked — dom.

She springs this knowledge on him in bed, hoping to finally get a bunch of the rough trade she’d be hoping for and even lets loose her dom side, which surprisingly — and by that I mean not at all — does not play well with his. He loses his marbles, shoves her head into a wall and starts to threaten her life, even attacking one of her friends that comes in to save her. Luckily, her skills with a rope — she was a farm girl, so tying people up comes quickly — end up with him dead and her still breathing. I have no idea how anyone would explain this to any officer of the law or court.

None of that matters because this has a twist ending that — do I even need spoilers after that one before? — everyone is alive, the book club are all still friends and May has claimed her sexuality. She’s moved on past Kurt — and didn’t lynch him — and everybody is happy. Wink at the camera.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Yes, I have watched three Diddy documentaries on Tubi now, starting with The Downfall of Diddy, then The Downfall of Diddy The Indictment and now, here we are. The freak-offs.

Along with so many celebrities in this — is Ray J a celebrity other than having sex with Kim Kardashian? — Tanea Wallace, an aspiring singer-songwriter, is interviewed. She claims that she was invited to Diddy’s party by a Saudi Prince who flew her from L.A. to Miami. She also says that she saw “Harajuku Barbies” who she later realized were children and that the party went until 7 A.M.

Even better, TMZ reporter Charles Latibeaudiere claims to have seen videos of the freak-offs and claims that they are straight porn, directed by Diddy.

This is such a strange story because, as they remind us several times, filming porn and having orgies is not necessarily illegal.

This doesn’t have a great line like the first one, where Diddy’s lawyer Marc Agnifilo, when answering why Diddy would have a thousand bottles of lubricant and baby oil, answered, “I mean, he has a big house. He buys in bulk, you know.”

My wife looked at me during this and said, in the same angry voice she has when she walks in on a Black Emauelle movie, “Why are you watching this?”

The phrase “demonic energy” is also used and that Diddy can look at you and hypnotize you like an Illuminati. You can go really deep into the conspiracy theory stuff about Diddy, if you want. Perhaps when we get the fourth part, which I know I’ll watch, because I feel like I’ve done this much.

A disclaimer that TMZ posted about the most important guest in this: “Ms. Tanea Wallace has no credibility and her claims about freak-offs and minors are completely and categorically false. As we’ve said before, Mr. Combs cannot respond to every new publicity stunt, even in response to claims that are facially ridiculous. Mr. Combs has full confidence in the facts and the integrity of the judicial process. In court, the truth will prevail: that the accusations against Mr. Combs are pure fiction.”

You can watch this on Tubi.

Directed by Adam Werth, who co-wrote the story with Victor V. Gelsomino, Devil’s Knight takes place in Veroka, where an elite group of global monster hunters known as The Lost Blades — played by an all star cast of direct to streaming actors — are hired by King Samuel (Kevin Hager) to destroy the Bone Devil, whose reign of terror threatens all of humanity.

The fighters include Sigurd (John Welles) and Mathias (Robert Stanley), who handily dispatch a minotaur early in the movie. They’re soon joined by the king’s daughter Princess Sabine (Sarah Nicklin) — who wants to fight like a man — and Captain Baldur (Kevin Sorbo) among many others.

This is packed with actors, including Angie Everhart, Eric Roberts, Daniel Baldwin, Mistress Harley and around a hundred others, as well as just as many associate and executive producers who may also be actors in this. That’s how movies get made these days, you know?

I played a lot of D&D and that means that I watched plenty of sword and sorcery movies in the 80s. This follows a lot of those themes and has huge battles where nearly everyone dies, which is how a hard campaign often goes. It also has some ren faire costuming, but at least the castle sets are nice. I’m telling you this because I am the audience for this movie, the kind of movie that you could never watch with your wife because she’d make fun of you for hours for knowing what terms like hook horror, critical hit and magic missiles mean.

Shout out to producers Michael and Sonny Mahal for making a movie that reminds me of the kind of films that I overdosed on in the 80s, back when my hometown had a video store on almost every corner.

This also has a possessed woman eat a man’s heart and that’s the kind of thing I look for in my movies.

Ryan Van Hill-Song (Nathan Hill) has come back from space a hero. However, his wife Sadie (Ira Chakraborty) wonders if her husband has been changed by his time in orbit. After all, he’s jogging all the time and somehow, he has a bigger penis than when he rocketed into space.

Hill, who wrote the film, claims that this was inspired by The Astronaut’s Wife, which may be a movie that you don’t remember. Working with director Simon Oliver and writer Simon Salamon, this has an Australian astronaut who is like a rock star and works for NASA, maybe because there’s no space program down under.

Once Sadie finds out that she’s pregnant, she starts to wonder if the fetus inside her is an alien being. Well, once she finds out that her hubby looks like something out of Alien Nation, you can just imagine how that’d knock her out. She’s pretty unflappable, however. When he cheats on her with a bartender, she drives him home and takes a nap on the couch instead of trying to murder him.

Man, Sadie goes through a lot in this, losing her nan, having an alien husband, having an alien cheating husband, having a baby with her alien cheating husband and the baby sending her flashing messages of its space child face, dealing with the Men In Black…I’d like to know what happens as the end, as Ryan gets beamed up while she eats blue taffy in the kitchen and cries. Does that cause her to lose her child? Or is she going to be a single mother of a space baby?

Alien Love is kind of confounding and I mean that as a compliment.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Frank Sharp (John Ozuna) had to leave America when he was charged with murder after him bouncing a drunk customer ended up with the man dead. He stays in touch with his sister Angie (Jackie Falcon), as his mother (Paloma Morales) is dying in a hospital. Frank’s trying to pay for it by working as a bouncer in Romania. The trouble is, he can’t avoid helping people, like Silvia (Rosmary Yaneva), who is being abused by sexual trafficker Kane (Costas Mandylor). Of course, his boss Carl (Simon Phillips) tries to warn him, but Frank just can’t help himself.

Watching the bad guy slap around a woman and threaten her with a knife is too much, so Frank beats the man into the ground, as well as his bodyguard before taking Silvia and stealing Kane’s car. If this seems like the worst idea ever, well, there wouldn’t be a movie otherwise.

Directed by Massimiliano Cerchi (The Penthouse) and written by Adrian Milnes, this has a cameo from Gerald Okamura, who is probably the best henchman in the history of action movies.

When this has fights happening, this is pretty solid. It takes too much time in between them, but if you grew up renting the levels below Seagal and Van Damme, venturing into the action films of Lundgren, Dudikoff and Rotchrock, then you’ll find a lot to enjoy here. Ozuna has some good moves and there’s a great fight with a hitwoman played by Tayah Kansik that makes up for any time that the movie drags, even if Frank basically chokes her to death while traffic drives by. Maybe life is cheap in Romania.

There’s also a moment where Kane stops two henchmen by basically squeezing their balls into bloody sacks. You have to appreciate that kind of brutality in a hero, even if he’s too dumb to realize that none of his friends are on his side. Or he was, until — as you’d expect — the bad guys kill him.

If this had a box that you were looking at it in a video store, it would let you know that Ozuna was a 2008 Guinness™ World Record Holder for Fastest Martial Arts Punch at 43.3 mph and Most Martial Arts Punches in a Minute of 713. That means that he can throw ten punches a second. More than ten. I can’t even figure that out.

Also: I can’t figure out why the climactic fight starts with stock footage of the sun coming up, but maybe they didn’t have coverage. I also can’t explain why Frank turns his head when someone has a gun on him. Then again, most of Frank’s martial arts concentrate on scrotum decimation, so there’s that, as he wins another fight handily.

This is a decent microbudget brawler. If you like discovering these movies as much as me, you’ll have a fine time.

Nearly unknown in the United States, Suzzanna Martha Frederika van Osch — better known as Suzzanna — was crowned the queen of Indonesian horror.

The youngest of six Javanese-Minahasan-Sundanese-German-Dutch children born to singer Johanna Bojoh and actor Willem Van Osch, Suzanna started acting in 1958, winning a contest to appear in Usmar Ismail’s Asrama Dara. By the end of the 1960s, she was married to actor Dicky Suprapto — who this film gets into, as he left her and would not grant a divorce — and then, by 1972, she was the most popular actress in the country. Her film Bernafas dalam Lumpur had a frank depiction of sexuality that was incendiary in its home country, leading to it being banned.

Suzanna’s real fame came from her horror films. With long black hair and a terrifying stare — sort of like an Indonesian Barbara Steele — Suzzanna played frightening villains in a series of movies that thrilled and also frightened audiences. She also kept the appearances of magic up in the stories of her personal life, as some claimed that she prayed to a “lady of the sea” and that she drank jasmine flowers to remain young. Or that story that when she made Nyi Blorong that the wig of snakes that was placed on her head was calm whenever it was near her.

Her death — said to be from diabetes complications — in 2008 was just as mysterious as the life that she led, to the point that some claimed she was murdered.

What she leaves behind is a career filled with many movies playing women done wrong. That’s apparent in nearly every actress’ career. Where she differs is that once the act has been done to her, she returns and gets her comeuppance. Sure, her back may be leaking and leeches could be pouring out of them. But then she’d affix that stare at her enemies and found a dignity that many women done wrong in cinema never attain.

Directed by David Gregory, this documentary combines clips of her most famous films with interviews with family members, colleagues, filmmakers and historians. What emerges is exactly what should from a film like this: a burning desire to seek out all of Suzzanna’s films and devour them with the magical appetite she used to chow down on 200 satay sticks and an entire vat of soup in Sundelbolong.

Suzanna: The Queen of Black Magic is part of the new Severin box set, All the Haunts Be Ours Volume 2. It has extras including a conversation with director/co-producer David Gregory and co-producer Ekky Imanjaya, as well as a trailer.

You can order this set from Severin.