Yes, I have watched three Diddy documentaries on Tubi now, starting with The Downfall of Diddy, then The Downfall of Diddy The Indictment and now, here we are. The freak-offs.

Along with so many celebrities in this — is Ray J a celebrity other than having sex with Kim Kardashian? — Tanea Wallace, an aspiring singer-songwriter, is interviewed. She claims that she was invited to Diddy’s party by a Saudi Prince who flew her from L.A. to Miami. She also says that she saw “Harajuku Barbies” who she later realized were children and that the party went until 7 A.M.

Even better, TMZ reporter Charles Latibeaudiere claims to have seen videos of the freak-offs and claims that they are straight porn, directed by Diddy.

This is such a strange story because, as they remind us several times, filming porn and having orgies is not necessarily illegal.

This doesn’t have a great line like the first one, where Diddy’s lawyer Marc Agnifilo, when answering why Diddy would have a thousand bottles of lubricant and baby oil, answered, “I mean, he has a big house. He buys in bulk, you know.”

My wife looked at me during this and said, in the same angry voice she has when she walks in on a Black Emauelle movie, “Why are you watching this?”

The phrase “demonic energy” is also used and that Diddy can look at you and hypnotize you like an Illuminati. You can go really deep into the conspiracy theory stuff about Diddy, if you want. Perhaps when we get the fourth part, which I know I’ll watch, because I feel like I’ve done this much.

A disclaimer that TMZ posted about the most important guest in this: “Ms. Tanea Wallace has no credibility and her claims about freak-offs and minors are completely and categorically false. As we’ve said before, Mr. Combs cannot respond to every new publicity stunt, even in response to claims that are facially ridiculous. Mr. Combs has full confidence in the facts and the integrity of the judicial process. In court, the truth will prevail: that the accusations against Mr. Combs are pure fiction.”

You can watch this on Tubi.

Directed by Adam Werth, who co-wrote the story with Victor V. Gelsomino, Devil’s Knight takes place in Veroka, where an elite group of global monster hunters known as The Lost Blades — played by an all star cast of direct to streaming actors — are hired by King Samuel (Kevin Hager) to destroy the Bone Devil, whose reign of terror threatens all of humanity.

The fighters include Sigurd (John Welles) and Mathias (Robert Stanley), who handily dispatch a minotaur early in the movie. They’re soon joined by the king’s daughter Princess Sabine (Sarah Nicklin) — who wants to fight like a man — and Captain Baldur (Kevin Sorbo) among many others.

This is packed with actors, including Angie Everhart, Eric Roberts, Daniel Baldwin, Mistress Harley and around a hundred others, as well as just as many associate and executive producers who may also be actors in this. That’s how movies get made these days, you know?

I played a lot of D&D and that means that I watched plenty of sword and sorcery movies in the 80s. This follows a lot of those themes and has huge battles where nearly everyone dies, which is how a hard campaign often goes. It also has some ren faire costuming, but at least the castle sets are nice. I’m telling you this because I am the audience for this movie, the kind of movie that you could never watch with your wife because she’d make fun of you for hours for knowing what terms like hook horror, critical hit and magic missiles mean.

Shout out to producers Michael and Sonny Mahal for making a movie that reminds me of the kind of films that I overdosed on in the 80s, back when my hometown had a video store on almost every corner.

This also has a possessed woman eat a man’s heart and that’s the kind of thing I look for in my movies.

Ryan Van Hill-Song (Nathan Hill) has come back from space a hero. However, his wife Sadie (Ira Chakraborty) wonders if her husband has been changed by his time in orbit. After all, he’s jogging all the time and somehow, he has a bigger penis than when he rocketed into space.

Hill, who wrote the film, claims that this was inspired by The Astronaut’s Wife, which may be a movie that you don’t remember. Working with director Simon Oliver and writer Simon Salamon, this has an Australian astronaut who is like a rock star and works for NASA, maybe because there’s no space program down under.

Once Sadie finds out that she’s pregnant, she starts to wonder if the fetus inside her is an alien being. Well, once she finds out that her hubby looks like something out of Alien Nation, you can just imagine how that’d knock her out. She’s pretty unflappable, however. When he cheats on her with a bartender, she drives him home and takes a nap on the couch instead of trying to murder him.

Man, Sadie goes through a lot in this, losing her nan, having an alien husband, having an alien cheating husband, having a baby with her alien cheating husband and the baby sending her flashing messages of its space child face, dealing with the Men In Black…I’d like to know what happens as the end, as Ryan gets beamed up while she eats blue taffy in the kitchen and cries. Does that cause her to lose her child? Or is she going to be a single mother of a space baby?

Alien Love is kind of confounding and I mean that as a compliment.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Frank Sharp (John Ozuna) had to leave America when he was charged with murder after him bouncing a drunk customer ended up with the man dead. He stays in touch with his sister Angie (Jackie Falcon), as his mother (Paloma Morales) is dying in a hospital. Frank’s trying to pay for it by working as a bouncer in Romania. The trouble is, he can’t avoid helping people, like Silvia (Rosmary Yaneva), who is being abused by sexual trafficker Kane (Costas Mandylor). Of course, his boss Carl (Simon Phillips) tries to warn him, but Frank just can’t help himself.

Watching the bad guy slap around a woman and threaten her with a knife is too much, so Frank beats the man into the ground, as well as his bodyguard before taking Silvia and stealing Kane’s car. If this seems like the worst idea ever, well, there wouldn’t be a movie otherwise.

Directed by Massimiliano Cerchi (The Penthouse) and written by Adrian Milnes, this has a cameo from Gerald Okamura, who is probably the best henchman in the history of action movies.

When this has fights happening, this is pretty solid. It takes too much time in between them, but if you grew up renting the levels below Seagal and Van Damme, venturing into the action films of Lundgren, Dudikoff and Rotchrock, then you’ll find a lot to enjoy here. Ozuna has some good moves and there’s a great fight with a hitwoman played by Tayah Kansik that makes up for any time that the movie drags, even if Frank basically chokes her to death while traffic drives by. Maybe life is cheap in Romania.

There’s also a moment where Kane stops two henchmen by basically squeezing their balls into bloody sacks. You have to appreciate that kind of brutality in a hero, even if he’s too dumb to realize that none of his friends are on his side. Or he was, until — as you’d expect — the bad guys kill him.

If this had a box that you were looking at it in a video store, it would let you know that Ozuna was a 2008 Guinness™ World Record Holder for Fastest Martial Arts Punch at 43.3 mph and Most Martial Arts Punches in a Minute of 713. That means that he can throw ten punches a second. More than ten. I can’t even figure that out.

Also: I can’t figure out why the climactic fight starts with stock footage of the sun coming up, but maybe they didn’t have coverage. I also can’t explain why Frank turns his head when someone has a gun on him. Then again, most of Frank’s martial arts concentrate on scrotum decimation, so there’s that, as he wins another fight handily.

This is a decent microbudget brawler. If you like discovering these movies as much as me, you’ll have a fine time.

Nearly unknown in the United States, Suzzanna Martha Frederika van Osch — better known as Suzzanna — was crowned the queen of Indonesian horror.

The youngest of six Javanese-Minahasan-Sundanese-German-Dutch children born to singer Johanna Bojoh and actor Willem Van Osch, Suzanna started acting in 1958, winning a contest to appear in Usmar Ismail’s Asrama Dara. By the end of the 1960s, she was married to actor Dicky Suprapto — who this film gets into, as he left her and would not grant a divorce — and then, by 1972, she was the most popular actress in the country. Her film Bernafas dalam Lumpur had a frank depiction of sexuality that was incendiary in its home country, leading to it being banned.

Suzanna’s real fame came from her horror films. With long black hair and a terrifying stare — sort of like an Indonesian Barbara Steele — Suzzanna played frightening villains in a series of movies that thrilled and also frightened audiences. She also kept the appearances of magic up in the stories of her personal life, as some claimed that she prayed to a “lady of the sea” and that she drank jasmine flowers to remain young. Or that story that when she made Nyi Blorong that the wig of snakes that was placed on her head was calm whenever it was near her.

Her death — said to be from diabetes complications — in 2008 was just as mysterious as the life that she led, to the point that some claimed she was murdered.

What she leaves behind is a career filled with many movies playing women done wrong. That’s apparent in nearly every actress’ career. Where she differs is that once the act has been done to her, she returns and gets her comeuppance. Sure, her back may be leaking and leeches could be pouring out of them. But then she’d affix that stare at her enemies and found a dignity that many women done wrong in cinema never attain.

Directed by David Gregory, this documentary combines clips of her most famous films with interviews with family members, colleagues, filmmakers and historians. What emerges is exactly what should from a film like this: a burning desire to seek out all of Suzzanna’s films and devour them with the magical appetite she used to chow down on 200 satay sticks and an entire vat of soup in Sundelbolong.

Suzanna: The Queen of Black Magic is part of the new Severin box set, All the Haunts Be Ours Volume 2. It has extras including a conversation with director/co-producer David Gregory and co-producer Ekky Imanjaya, as well as a trailer.

You can order this set from Severin.

In Surprise, David Gamble (Will Coleman) thought that his wife Jenna (Nunu Thurman) was having an affair with his business partner and best friend Greg (Lemastor Spratling), so he took things so far that he ended up paying for his best friend to be killed and then seemingly having a heart attack.

In Surprise 2, David woke up in the hospital, still alive, with Greg clinging to life as the killer that our protagonist hired is waiting to murder him. The killer went to jail and ended up being killed by his cell mate.

Surprise 3 starts with David digging a grave.

Directed by the same team of Rockey Black and Jhayla Mosley, Greg is finally clear to get out and back to his old ways, asking out the nurse taking care of him, Kelly (Marietta Elliott). David is losing his mind and Jeanna still has no clue what’s going on as she’s on vacation. David is still dealing with Lisa’s (Amerrah Garrison) murder as his wife asks him to watch her home.

Meanwhile, Detectives Rogers (Grover McCants) and Johnson (DeJuan Ford) are on their way to the hospital as they build their case just in time for Greg losing his phone and the evidence of what has happened to him. The cops want him to wear a wire while Jeanna comes home wondering where Lisa is. In fact, everyone wants to know where Lisa is.

By dealing with Lisa’s murder, I mean that David soon starts waking up to her angry ghost crying in his bedroom and telling him that he will pay. If it can get worse, it can, because the evidence disappeared thanks to the hitman hookup from the first movie, who is angry that the blood of one of his best men is in — not on — David’s hands. David threatens him, which is not a good idea.

David and Jeanna are staying at Lisa’s house when Greg visits. He gets there before David and tells his wife to not trust him. Just after, Jeanna is visited by Lisa’s mother, who wants to know where her daughter is. We get a flashback of Lisa telling her mother that she thinks that David is her boss but also someone she doesn’t trust.

Greg screws everything up by knocking out David, just in time for Lisa’s mother to go to the police and get a search warrant, sending them looking through the house. After a night at the bar, someone shoots at David and a mysterious envelope is left for him at his house that says “I know what you did.” David’s company is being audited and they find where Lisa’s body is buried. Things are not looking good for him, but I’ve been through two of these movies so far.

Spoilers below…

Except that this time, David doesn’t get out of things. He’s finally gets caught and goes to jail, sent there when the police find the dead body of Lisa. In prison, he gets killed by the same person who killed the other killer, under the employ of the man David hired, paid for by Greg, who is now making love to Jeanna.

Great ending, right? Well…

It was all a dream.

That’s right, three movies, all a dream.

There’s even a graphic that says: SURPRISE. IT WAS ALL A DREAM.

Readers were angry about the end of the last two movies. I can’t wait until I start getting letters and comments complaining about this one.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Just a few months after the TMZ special The Downfall of Diddy, there’s a follow-up that has the TMZ crew get into the indictment against the former Bad Boy.

Sean “Puffy” Combs has been with racketeering conspiracy, sex trafficking and transportation to engage in prostitution. The charges claim that he abused, threatened and coerced women and others, and led a racketeering conspiracy that engaged in sex trafficking, forced labor, kidnapping, arson, bribery and obstruction of justice.

These are not small crimes.

According to the legal records, his “sexual abuse of women included causing them to engage in frequent, days-long sexual activity with male commercial sex workers, some of whom were transported over state lines.  These events, which Combs referred to as “Freak Offs,” were elaborate sex performances that Combs arranged, directed and often electronically recorded. To ensure participation in Freak Offs, Combs used violence and intimidation, and leveraged his power over victims — power he obtained through obtaining and distributing narcotics to them, exploiting his financial support to them and threatening to cut off the same and controlling their careers. Combs also threatened his victims, including by threatening to expose the embarrassing and sensitive recordings he made of Freak Offs if the women did not comply with his demands.”

According to Texas attorney Tony Buzbee, he is representing more than 120 men and women whose allegations against Combs include violent sexual assault or rape, facilitated sex with a controlled substance, dissemination of video recordings and sexual abuse of minors. There are nearly more cases by the day.

Just this past week, Combs’ lawyers have asked for a gag order on all New York media, as they claim that the government has an illicit partnership with the press that will ruin Combs’ ability to get a fair trial. This is in regards to the video of him abusing partner Casandra “Cassie” Ventura that he claims was leaked to CNN.

This doc even has an interview with Combs’ legal team, claiming that this is all about an attack on a successful black man. I’ve never felt right about Combs since the early incident where he oversold a concert leading to deaths, but I must remember that you are innocent until proven guilty. I wonder if Combs will ever get to trial.

You can watch this on Tubi.

EDITOR’S NOTE: The I Hope You Suffer podcast said that “Since everybody is doing these movie challenges now, we made the only one worth doing.” Bring the pain.

Luther Boots (Mike Hartsfield) goes to a yard sale, finds a backpack — that has killed a child with a stock video explosion and that means I had to send a message to Erica from Unsung Horrors and pass the curse of this on to her — and it starts to kill everyone that is close to him.

Evan Jacobs also made Amityville Death Toilet, so I guess I have to watch this.

Every SRS-released Amityville movie has characters that just talk about everything. They narrate every moment of their lives. No one I have ever met talks like this, but yet this happens in all of their movies. I realize that we need to explain what is happening, but when the talking takes up most of the movie and people are given to saying things like, “Backpack, I think you’re going to help me a lot.” I lose my mind by the time a film like this one is over.

What didn’t help is that I usually watch Amityville movies all alone, but for some reason my wife came in and started watching this one and realized that she had made a mistake marrying me. She had so many questions about why I would spend so much time watching this and I was afraid to show her my Letterboxd list because I’m too old to start over again.

Anyways, what it does have going for it is shots inside the backpack, as well as the fact that the backpack looks just like the house on 112 Ocean Avenue. It also has the threat of a cat death — spoiler warning, it survives — and a lot of people killed by, yes, a backpack. Who knew that my old JanSport could have been so evil?

There were moments of this that were so uncolor balanced and the sun was bleeding into the image that I was shocked that it wasn’t filmed by someone who had never seen a camera or a movie before. Then there would be a great shot or a cool slow motion push in to someone. I wonder, can you tell when one of these movies is a parody any more?

Now, to the tune of Stroke 9’s “Little Black Backpack:”

Don’t want to watch this,

You say why not?

Don’t want to think about

Movies about this haunted town

There’s totally no good reason

For my wife to care about

This little Amityville Backpack

You can watch this on Tubi or order it from Ronin Flix.