I was searching for kaiju films on Tubi and ended up finding this film, featuring Zeckencommando, ‘Lower Saxony’s most hardcore punk band,’ as they stumble into occult rituals involving Cthulu.
Kalle (director and writer Lars Henriks), Xena (Lea Ostrovskiy), Flash (Niklas Bähnk) and Titus (Phillip Spreen) mostly sit around, take drugs and occasionally play their instruments. Henriks claimed on Letterboxd that this film, “has the silliness of a Scooby-Gang-type gang of misfits stumbling into a huge adventure.”
The band learns that their landlady is selling their rehearsal space to an investor with no interest in preserving musical culture. That investor does have a lot to do with the occult roots of the Third Reich and getting Cthulu back to life. Hopefully, the band can stay together and address all their interpersonal dynamics.
Don’t expect anything other than a hangout movie, and you’ll be fine.
Sept 1-7 John Waters Best of the Year Week: To be fair, these movies aren’t ALL funny, but JOHN WATERS is funny. He’s become more of a writer and public commentator these days. Still, he helps keep the arthouse from taking itself too seriously with his annual top-ten lists, while celebrating the comically serious.
Max Rockatansky is now Tom Hardy, and the character has transcended those who played the role played before. Now he’s a legend, a man who can walk into the dust and fog of the desert to disappear until he’s needed again.
Imperator Furiosa (Charlize Theron) may be the same level of hero as him, more legend than reality, someone who can lose her arm and remain just as deadly.
Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne) is one of the warlords keeping this world together, supplying water while using the women of it to continually repopulate his army.
Soon, Max and Furiosa have a truck filled with five of Immortan Joe’s wives — The Splendid Angharad (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley), Toast the Knowing (Zoë Kravitz), Capable (Riley Keough), The Dag (Abbey Lee) and Cheedo the Fragile (Courtney Eaton) — away from Gas Land and toward a promised secret place where seeds still grow. Women aren’t used as baby factories.
Made as a continuous chase and originally storyboarded with 3,500 frames, this is another example of George Miller taking the expected and making something significantly better. A near-Western on wheels with a gigantic War Rig, Bux (Nicholas Hought) and the War Boys who are willing to die in battle to find Valhalla, women discovering their power and an expansion of the world of Mad Max while still having time for vehicles that have blind heavy metal guitar players on them rocking out in the middle of combat, this feels like a gigantic cartoon, one that explodes all over the screen, a movie I’ve watched so many times and never get tired of.
Isn’t it amazing that the fourth movie in a series, one made after hundreds of rip-offs came in its wake, may be the best one?
Aug 25-31 Natasha Lyonne Week: There’s a new season of her weirdo mystery of the week coming out (I can’t remember the name rn, you can look it up), and she’s been steadily delivering chuckles for decades now.
Harry Cox (Balthazar Getty) and his mistress Lisa (Lydia Hearst) are having sex just before he gets a call from his wife Alex (Chloë Sevigny). He hangs up, gets his throat slashed and she’s killed.
That’s how #Horror starts.
Twelve-year-old Sam (Sadie Seelert) may not fit in with the rich girls, but she’s been invited to a sleepover at Harry’s house. Hs daughter, Sofia (Bridget McGarry), Francesca (Mina Sundwall), Ava (Blue Lindberg) and Georgie (Emma Adler) have gathered and for some reason have invited their bully Cat (Haley Murphy).
The film has to make the decision that all post-mobile phone slashers do: how to get rid of those phones. Cat’s cyberbullying gets to be too much, so the girls lock their phones in the safe while Sofia throws the keys to get them out inside the swimming pool. When the young women aren’t abusing one another, a masked killer is wiping them — and parents — out and posting each of the murders.
Director and writer Tera Subkoff was inspired to make this after asking a friend’s daughter what horror was. Learning how she was cyberbullied, Subkoff realized that bullying now follows young women everywhere and is a major chunk of their lives.
Aug 4-10 Stoner Comedy Week: I don’t gas reefer anymore, but I love it when people in movies do!
Writer, co-director, co-cinematographer, co-editor, songwriter, stuntman and star Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh, who made his debut in this film. Ram Rahim has also released several music albums and other films, which “typically revolve around himself and his teachings. Many of these are based on social issues and the promotion of God’s worship.” At the age of 23, he was selected as the leader of the Dera Sacha Sauda sect by Shah Satnam Sing, which was a surprise.
His life is, well, complicated. Sure, he’s organized drives for blood pressure, diabetes, cholesterol screenings and tree planting that have been recognized by Guinness World Records, as well as the world record for most people sanitizing their hands simultaneously. He’s worked to eradicate forced prostitution.
But as of 2017, the Indian Film & Television Directors’ Association (IFTDA) and the Cine and TV Artists Association (CINTAA) banned Ram Rahim from future work in Indian film and television for “criminality and moral turpitude.” That’s because he was convicted of a 2002 rape in 2017, which led to 200,000 of his followers going wild in the streets. In 2019, he was convicted of the murder of journalist Ram Chander Chhatrapati, who was trying to find answers on that same 2002 sexual assault. This comes after years of conflict with Sikh and Hindu groups, including him dressing as their deities and tearing pages from their holy books. And oh yeah, the forced castration of 400 members of his religious group so that they could be closer to God.
This may be the most separate the art from the artist review ever, as a result of reading all this after I watched the movie.
Guruji (Ram Singh) is a spiritual leader who has taken on the job of eradicating drug use and gender issues from society. It also has 1.3 million extras — good luck updating the IMDB — including a musical number that has 125,000 performers lighting thousands of candles.
Reviews were not kind: “It is not possible to be prepared for the sensory assault that is MSG: The Messenger,” “Watch it only if your survival depended on it,” “…excruciatingly awful only for non-believer,s” and “Three hours of torture so painful that you start laughing at yourself.”
Gurunji may be a superhero. Or a super villain. He never drives the same car twice. He has Superman’s flight and strength, but also mind powers, like telepathy, telekinesis and mind electricity, which is a thing. Are those enough powers? He’s like when a kid first rolls up a character in a game like Champions and keeps adding things. He also has a special elixir that can cure any disease. And a talking lion. I’m shocked he didn’t add “I have triples of the Barracuda and the Road Runner.”
He can also rap.
Perhaps his kryptonite is his lack of fashion sense, but his main enemy is a terrifying killing machine named Mike.
Yes, you read that.
Despite my disgust with the auteur’s real life, I also have to say that this guy has millions of followers — that’s how this came out in theaters in Canada — and made several more movies, and despite the fact that this is three hours, you know I’m going to watch the rest of them.
Imagine Neil Breen, if Neil Breen had the power to make men cut their dicks off.
Whether you believe that this is a series in its fiftieth season or a mockumentary show created by Fred Armisen, Bill Hader, Seth Meyers, and Rhys Thomas, you just have to watch it. Through four seasons, all hosted by Helen Mirren, you will meet the sisters who live in “Sandy Passage,” which is totally Grey Gardens; experience the VICE-sorta “DRONEZ: The Hunt for El Chingon,” the Errol Morris parody “The Eye Doesn’t Lie,” “Gentle & Soft: The Story of the Blue Jean Committee, Parts 1 & 2,” which reminds me of how Hader is obsessed with how Eagles play soft music yet swear and tried to kill one another at times; “Final Transmission,” which somehow gets in a Talking Heads, The Band and Tom Waits parody all at the same time; a Robert Evans parody; a pisstake on Marina Abramović; a multi-Herzog doc; dodgeball with rocks and so much more.
In the book that comes with the box set, Armisen said, “I remember hoping that someone somewhere would find this show way in the future, without context, and then take it seriously.”
That’s why it works so well.
Plus, you get contributions by John Mulaney, Tim Robinson, Mike O’Brien, Cameron Crowe, Chuck Klosterman, Peter Bogdanovich, Faye Dunaway, Mia Farrow, Peter Fonda, Anne Hathaway, Owen Wilson, Michael Keaton, Cate Blanchett, Mr. Brainwash, Alexander Skarsgard, Tom Jones and so, so many more people. It’s really something how rich this show was and how high the quality stayed for all four seasons. It’s something like SCTV and Mr. Show that I will keep coming back to.
That’s why I’m so excited that this box set has come out. There are so many jokes and moments that you need to just keep watching these shows and they demand more than just one viewing. This is as perfect as comedy gets these days.
The Mill Creek box set of Documentary Now! has 2 hours of bonus features, including an IFC Emmy panel discussion, behind the scenes footage, deleted scenes, trailers and promos. It also comes with a 28 page book and 8 mini posters. You can get it from Deep Discount.
Madame (Sean Young) has left Darling (Lauren Ashley Carter) alone in a vast New York City building where she’ll be the caretaker. As you expect with possession movies, she’s told to never enter one closed room. She also finds an upside-down cross, and the last girl in her position threw herself off the balcony as if she were Holly flinging herself into the void at a birthday party.
Soon, Darling is seeing visions and crawls out onto the balcony herself, where she finds the words “Abyssus abyssum invocat,” which means “the deep calls to the deep.” A man Darling saw earlier, who recognized her as he picked up her new necklace, follows her home and explains how a ritual in the house once conjured a demon. She stabs him, claiming that Henry Sullivan must be punished.
By the end, Darling has confessed to Madame, “I think I’ll become one of your ghost stories now.” She also jumps off the balcony and the cycle repeats.
Shot in monochromatic grays, this feels like Polanski — Rosemary’s Baby, The Tenant, Repulsion — yet never feels like a slave to those inspirations. That said, I’ve been reading lots of reviews that hated this. It hit right for me, all black mascara and freakouts, a perfect thing to watch in the middle of a gray and rainy Pittsburgh day.
Janie (Sarah Hagan, Millie from Freaks and Geeks) isn’t sure of her past. Did she have a traumatic incident? Were her parents something out of a fairy tale? Why have they left her in the care of the brutal Irma (Barbara Crampton), who keeps her on a strict diet and treats her as if she were a prisoner? Why does Irma use a tuning fork on her? And just what is wrong with Janie, who has regular seizures and violent outbursts?
Perhaps Irma was right to treat Janie this way after we see how she stalks Savannah (Sara Malakul Lane) and her boyfriend Connor (Riley Litman). That may be true when Janie snarls that she’s just the housekeeper. But Irma promised Janie’s mother in death that she would take care of her, and Janie’s father is gone. So she remains in this stark home, making her nutrition shakes, doing yoga with he,r and even putting her into a shock collar to keep her from leaving the house.
Except that Janie learns to love the pain and overcomes it.
Soon, she’s using the same abusive treatment on Savannah — spoiler warning: after bashing her lover’s brains in a mid-sex act — and forcing her to wear the shock collar. Directed and written by Ben Cresciman, this seems like an art film, yet it has the exploitation that makes it seem like a film that would play at a less reputable movie theater. Barbara Crampton is always the best part of this, but Hagan is also immensely talented.
I can see why some people reviewed this and hated it; it’s slow-moving, it’s confrontational in its gore, and it has a lesbian lead who is going mental for the entire running time and her obsession with a woman is presented as another part of her mental illness. But hey, I got this from Gregory Joseph’s Movies Jean Rollin and Jess Franco Might Like, If They Were Still Alive Letterboxd list, which fits right into their movies.
Directed and written by Alex Ross Perry (Her Smell), this film explores the lifelong relationship between Catherine Hewitt (Elisabeth Moss) and Virginia Lowell (Katherine Waterston). Last year, Virginia was going through a bad time, and Catherine tried to help her; this year, Catherine is dealing with the suicide of her father, a man to who she gave everything, and her boyfriend James (Kentucker Audley) leaving her.
Last year, James took away from their relationship and this year, the man who gets in the way is Virginia’s neighbor Rich (Patrick Fugit). We quickly discover that Catherine’s issues are way worse than anyone believed; Virginia says she has nothing and is no one, as the only two men she put her life into have left her.
This happens when two people who say they know each other so well soon learn that they have no clue at all about each other. This leads to dialogue like “What’s it like, having all the answers all the time to everything?” and a feeling that a hagsploitation breakdown is about to happen at any moment, but what is sadder is that instead of being served a dead bird or shoved down the steps, these women inflict greater misery upon one another by the breaking of whatever supposed connection they once had.
At one point, Catherine takes all of her rage and explodes at Rich, saying, “You fucking animal. You unrepentant piece of shit. You click your tongue, and you revel in the affairs of others. You are worthless. You don’t know anything about me. You show up to fuck my best friend, and you pry into the lives of others to conceal how worthless and boring your own life is. I don’t deserve this. I just want to be left alone. I want to be left alone with the few people who are left in this world who are decent. You are weak and greedy and selfish, and you are the root of every problem. You are why people betray one another. You are why there is nowhere safe or happy anymore. You are why depression exists. You are why there is no escape from indecency and gossip and lies. You, Rich, you are why my father had to die. Because he couldn’t live in a world like this.”
Yeah, it’s not a fun vacation.
This has tones of Rosemary’s Baby (that party nightmare), Repulsion, Persona, Images, The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant, Sisters and Interiors while having some Let’s Scare Jessica To Death without getting into the supernatural. It feels even more frightening like you’re trapped in the house with these people, waiting for their reality to implode.
Also: Elisabeth Moss being unhinged in this has only increased my crush. I can admit that.
1963: During the Cold War, CIA agent Napoleon Solo (Henry Cavill) teams with KGB officer Illya Kuryakin (Armie Hammer) to thwart a criminal organization. They must find Gaby Teller (Alicia Vikander), daughter of nuclear scientist Dr. Udo Teller (Christian Berkel) and defeat Nazis who want to bring about the Fourth Reich.
Based on the TV series, this is an OK action movie, but it makes a mistake similar to so many remakes: Do we want the origin story? Or do we want to see Solo and Kuryakin already working together as part of the United Network Command for Law and Enforcement? It’s cool when Hugh Grant shows up as Alexander Waverly, but for those who love the original show, will they love this? And for those who don’t know it, is this a spy film that is different enough?
I didn’t dislike what I watched, but the original show was a phenomenon. Yet, for a movie that took over a decade to happen, does it mean anything to anyone other than its small fanbase that’s still left, who may not enjoy the changes? Maybe I should stop worrying and enjoy watching Richie’s work, as this all looks nice.
The Arrow Video release of The Man from U.N.C.L.E. has plenty of extras, including new audio commentary by critics Bryan Reesman and Max Evry; new interviews with co-writer/producer Lionel Wigram and Luca Calvani; Legacy of U.N.C.L.E., a new featurette celebrating the original 1960s TV series and its influence on the 2015 movie, featuring Helen McCarthy, David Flint and Vic Pratt; a featurette on Guy Ritchie’s films; archival features on the making of the movie; a trailer; an image gallery; a double-sided fold-out poster featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Dare Creative; an illustrated collector’s booklet featuring new writing by Barry Forshaw and a reprinted article from CODEX Magazine on the film’s cinematography and a reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Dare Creative. You can order it from MVD in 4K UHD or Blu-ray.
Directed and written by Dan Berk and Robert Olsen, this finds Holly (Helen Rogers), Cali (Alexandra Turshen) and Mel (Lauren Molina) — girls home from college for the holidays but also representations of Freud’s id, ego and superego — going to party at Cali’s uncle’s house.
It’s only after they’re there for some time that the girls realize that she lied and that she has no idea who owns the house. That’s when Arthur (Larry Fessenden), the groundskeeper, arrives and tries to kick them out. He falls down the stairs and appears to die, so the girls decide to tell the cops that he showed up and attacked Holly, but fell down the stairs. They make up evidence by Cali ripping out some of Holly’s hair and Holly scratching herself with the man’s fingernails. That’s when they find out that he’s not dead but paralyzed.
The girls also learn that Cali is probably mental, as she smothers Arthur with a pillow and tries to kill Holly, thereby eliminating the person that Arthur attacked and allowing her to get away with the crime. I won’t ruin the end of this, but this is certainly one brutal holiday film.
Berk and Olsen have since made another movie about a burglary gone wrong, Villains, and Significant Other.
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