CANNON MONTH 3: Return of the Tiger (1978)

This is the sequel to Exit the Dragon, Enter the Tiger, stars Bruce Li and is one of the best Brucesploitation films I’ve seen.

I guess it’s a spiritual sequel as Li plays a totally different character, Chang Hung. He and his partner (Angela Mao, Lady Whirlwind) are busting up a crime empire run by Paul (Paul Smith!), taking out most of his army early and even suggesting that he just kill himself. Of course, being a gigantic evil man, Paul decides to go on the offensive and battle back. There’s also a Chinese gang that Paul is fighting for control of the heroin business, which means that our heroes are going to go all Yojimbo or A Fistful of Dollars and play them all off one another.

This movie would be incredible if all it did was steal Wild Cherry’s “Play That Funky Music” and most of the score from Live and Let Die, but it goes all the way to have an incredible ending fight with Smith remembering when he was playing a Bud Spencer ripoff along with Michael Coby as his Terence Hill in movies like Convoy Buddies. He’s a monster compared to the kung fu guys throwing flying kicks at him and it’s amazing to watch him throw them around. The way he’s finally defeated is even more amazing.

You can watch this on YouTube.

CANNON MONTH 3: Covert Action (1978)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

Directed by Romolo Guerrieri (The Sweet Body of DeborahTen Thousand Dollars for a MassacreDetective Belli, The Final Executioner), who wrote this with Nico Ducci, Mino Roli and Vittorio Schiraldi, Covert Action was known in Italy as Sono Stato un Agente C.I.A. It’s based on former C.I.A. agent Philip Agee’s book Inside the Company: CIA Diary. He eventually became disillusioned with the U.S. government’s support for authoritarian governments across Latin America and that they worked for multinational corporations and not for the good of the world. He did work with the producers, but by the end of the movie sued them over his fees and expenses.

Lester Horton (David Janssen) is really Agee, a man who has left the C.I.A. and wants to write about his time with them again, after a first book that put him on their hit list. There’s also a tape that has dirt on the commander of the Athens C.I.A. station (Arthur Kennedy), which is being kept by John Florio (Maurizio Merli), who is married to Horton’s ex-girlfriend Anna (Corinne Cléry).

The C.I.A. commits Horton to a mental ward to get rid of him, giving him shock therapy — this scene is pretty intense — while a Greek inspector (Phillip Leroy) works to discover the truth of what is happening. The spies also want to take out Florio, as his heroin addiction has led to him becoming a liability. To take him out, they send their killer, known as The Silent (Ivan Rassimov) who cooly takes the man out.

This has a great Stelvio Cipriani score, a super dark feel throughout and was Janssen’s last film, released four months after he died by 21st Century. Catherine Bach was the original lead, but was replaced with Cléry.

SHAWGUST: Crippled Avengers (1978)

Released in the U.S. as Mortal Combat and The Return of the 5 Deadly Venoms, this is the story of how Chu Twin and his son Chu Cho Chang have started a reign of terror. It all begins when Chu Twin returns home to find his wife murdered and his son critically injured, with his arms amputated from the elbows down. Making him iron arms and training him in kung fu, the two find that revenge is not enough and now they have become the villains, crippling four men who get in their way.

The town’s blacksmith is forced to drink a burning liquid that takes his voice whole a ear clap from Chu Twin makes him deaf as well. A travelling salesman is blinded by Chu Cho Chang and another has his legs torn off just for bumping into Chu Cho Chang. When kung fu Yuan Yi, he attempts to make the evil doers pay for this damage, but instead finds his head crushed inside a vice, reducing his intelligence to that of an idiot.

As they escape to the temple of Yuan Yi’s master, they each find ways to use their injuries to their advantage, with the blacksmith increasing his vision, the salesman being able to hear a leaf hit the ground and the legless man gains iron legs and feet. As for Yuan Yi, he now sees fighting as a child’s game, happily laughing even in the face of death.

The four men return on Chu Twin’s 45th birthday and exact their revenge, battling a series of kung fu experts before challenging the evil master and his iron fisted son.

Four of the Venoms — Kuo Chui, Lu Feng, Sun Chien and Lo Meng — show up in this film and it’s quite literally a living and breathing cartoon. Movies like this are why you seek out the films of Shaw Brothers and director Chang Cheh.

SHAWGUST: The 36th Chamber of Shaolin (1978)

If American audiences know director Lau Kar-leung and star Gordon Liu for anything, it would be this movie. A lot of credit for that goes to the Wu-Tang Clan, who referenced it in an album title and have as many alternate names for one another as audiences do for this movie (The Master KillerShaolin Master Killer and Shao Lin San Shi Liu Fang).

Liu Yude (Liu) has been radicalized into the rebellion against the Manchu government, which ends when General Tien Ta destroys his school and then kills not just the students, but their friends and family as well. On the run, he goes to the Shaolin temple in the hopes of learning the fighting skills he’ll need for revenge.

As an outsider, he is turned away until the chief abbott has mercy on him. Yet a year later, Yude is now San Te and begins working his way through the 35 training chambers that each monk must complete. The top chamber is too much for our hero, where he must recite Buddhist philosophy from memory, so he begins on the bottom, amazing everyone at becoming the master of 35 of the chambers in just six years.

After numerous battles, he finally defeats one of the elders and announces that his goal is to create the new 36th chamber, one in which ordinary people will be given the skills to defend themselves. The temple officially banishes him but only does so to allow him to go back into the ordinary world and continue the revolution and stopping Tien Ta.

“The wall may be low, but the Buddha is high.” With dialogue like this, The 36th Chamber of Shaolin shows that the journey to master oneself through fighting skill is not even about the actual fighting. It is mastering emotion and going inward to better oneself. The war is often with ourselves.

MVD BLU RAY RELEASE: Hardware Wars and Other Film Farces (1978)

There was a time — let’s call it 1978 — when HBO first entered my life. Unlike predictably scheduled network television, many of the movies ended at odd times. In between, there were all kinds of unplanned content, like Video JukeboxArcade AttackBambi vs. GodzillaThe Mild Ones and Hardware Wars. As a kid who couldn’t get enough Jedi content in 1978, the fact that this aired every few days on our TV made me overjoyed. Every time it came on, whoever had on HBO would yell for everyone to run into the TV room and watch.

It’s a treasured memory.

I’d like to tell six year old me that I now own a copy of it and can watch it any time that I want. This is a magical feeling, the kind of power that young me never guessed would ever be my reality.

Hardware Wars — and another HBO favorite Porklips Now — came from animator Ernie Fosselius. After making twenty shorts for Sesame Street, he wrote several screenplays that never got filmed, including a Zippy the Pinhead movie. In his career, he’s done everything from foley work on Ed WoodSerial Mom and The Unbearable Lightness of Being to making props for RoboCop 2, being a founding member of The Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo and providing the voices for the pilots in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Poggle the Lesser in Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones, the Rancor Keeper in Return of the Jedi, writing the song that “Lapti Nek” that the Max Rebo Band performs, contributing one of the voices of the arcade game Gauntlet, doing the “Ack! Ack!” Martian voices in Mars Attacks! and performing the voice of Trantor the Troll in Ernest Scared Stupid.

Shot in four days for $8,000, this is George Lucas’ favorite parody of his film. When it was re-released in 1997, Fosselius didn’t take part, as he didn’t see the need to add in digital effects. He was also unhappy with the 2002 re-release that saw animators take out the strings on the puppets, which was intentional.

This movie was obviously made by a fan of the source material, as even Paul Frees — who voiced the Star Wars trailer — is used, making this feel real. His voice warmly reads “Hardware Wars! A spectacle light years ahead of its time! Starring: Fluke Starbucker, intergalactic boy wonder. Augie “Ben” Doggie, venerable member of the Redeye Knights. Princess Anne-Droid, interstellar damsel in distress. Ham Salad, ace mercenary pilot and intergalactic wise guy. Darph Nader, villain.”

Yes, Fluke Starbucker (Scott Mathews) must learn to master The Farce with help from Augue “Ben” Doggie (Jeff Hale, an animator on Sesame Street and Heavy Metal), Artie Deco, 4-Q-2 (Frank Robertson), Princess Anne-Droid (Cindy Furgatch), Ham Salad (Bob Knickerbocker) and Chewchilla the Wookie Monster.

If this line doesn’t make you laugh, this isn’t for you.

Fluke Starbucker: Jeepers! What is it, Augie Ben Doggie? Did you feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced?

Auggie Ben Doggie: No, just a little headache.

Being a grown up is not the fun that I hoped that it would be when I was six. At least having this helps.

The MVD release of Hardware Wars has a brand new 2K HD transfer from the only known surviving element, a 16mm Reversal Release print. There’s commentary by Ernie Fosselius, a director’s cut, a prequel featurette, a foreign version, an interview and three other movies: Hardware Wars Saves ChristmasPorklips Now and Plan 9.1 From Outer Space. It has a limited edition slipcover and a collectible mini-poster. You can get it from MVD.

SHAWGUST: The Brave Archer 2 (1978)

Other than replacing Tien Niu with Niu Niu in the role of Huang Rong, Keung Hon taking over the role of Liang Ziweng and Norman Chu becoming Yao, the sequel to The Brave Archer keeps much of the same cast and feel as it continues to adapt Louis Cha’s The Legend of the Condor Heroes.

Huang Rong has been taken hostage by Ouyang Feng (Wang Lung-wei) who ransoms her for the Nine Yin Manual that is protected by heroic Guo Jing (Alexander Fu Sheng), who works with Hong Qigong (Ku Feng) to give the villain an incomplete version of the book. When he practices the forms in it, it drives him insane as they aren’t correct. He challenges the two, but is hurt and Guo Jing and Hong Qigong escape. However, Hong Qigong is injured and gives Huang Rong his weapon, the Dog Beating Staff, handing over his leadership of the Beggars’ Sect as well. But when she loses the staff to Yang Kang (Li Yi-Min), it causes a battle between several of the different sects trying to gain power, including the Tsuen Jen Taoists, the Iron Palm Clan and the Beggars’ Clan.

This is a movie that demands attention, as there are about twenty or so lead characters — or so it seems — and everyone has a conflict and story of their own. Director Chang Cheh believed that his versions of these stories weren’t as good as the novels that they came from. For Western audiences, it may be difficult to jump in and follow so much of what is going on. However, I have been enjoying their scope and trying to keep up as well as I can, despite language and culture barriers. It helps that when there is action, it’s thrilling and that the heroes are so likeable.

SHAWGUST: The Chinese Boxer (1978)

Written, starring and directed by Jimmy Wang Yu, The Chinese Boxer moved martial arts films away from fantasy and weapons into a world where one man and his fists could do plenty of damage. He was a martial arts superstar in Hong Kong before even Bruce Lee and this movie proves exactly why. I’ve honestly never seen a bloodier hand to hand combat film, as nearly every punch sends mouthfuls of blood everywhere when they’re not blasting people through walls.

Diao (Hsiung Chao, Five Fingers of Death) was thrown out of the kung fu temple and spent years learning judo, defeating each of the students of the school upon his return until the master defeats him. Not being a man of honor, he sends for Japanese karate mercenaries, who are also defeated, until he sends samurai who not only destroy the school and murder all of the kung fu students and the master but also have the gall to take over the town and make it a city of sin.

Lei Ming (Jimmy Wang Yu) has survived, however, and he’s willing to do anything and everything to take his town back. You may think you’ve seen this before — and you have — but that’s because every other movie like this came after. A training sequence, much less one where the hero punches his hands into burning sand to toughen them? Yep. A room full of men with weapons and one unarmed hero? Here. A man fighting for the honor of his dead master? This is where it all began at least in film form.

There’s also the bad guy KItashima (Lo Lieh, nearly a Shaw Brothers supervillain) who can chop tables in two and provides a more than perfect secondary villain for our hero to fight. And it all looks astounding, because it shares a cinematographer — Hua Shan — with one of the most kinetic and strange movies that Shaw Brothers put out, The Super Infra-Man. Just one look at the fight in the snow and you’ll know that this is a movie to be studied just as much as it was stolen from.

This was released in the U.S. as The Hammer of God.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Disco Lady (1978)

Rene Bond week (August 11 – 17) Rene Bond could brighten up even the most dreary productions, and she was in plenty of them. In the early adult scene she was one of the better actors, particularly when it came to comedy, though she could squeeze into some leather and throw the whips around when the role called for it. Bond appeared in somewhere near 100 films, thanks to her affable professionalism she worked with many filmmakers multiple times and regularly performed with her boyfriend Ric Lutze. Her career received an enhancement when she became one of the first stars to get a boobjob. She retired from film in the late-70s just as the porno chic era was dying down, but before the video era. You can find her in a ton of SWV titles, so take yer pick!

Directed by Bob Chinn (who directed John Holmes in several of the Johnny Wadd movies and Rick Fuente and Lee Stone in the Nick Grande films) and written by Jeffrey Eastman and Darrel Cash, this is not about a person but a place, a club called the Disco Lady. It’s New Year’s Eve and Scorpio Sound (Ken Scudder) is playing the records while everyone gets together to dance. Little of it sounds like the disco of 1978 and instead sounds very AM radio of 1978.

We have an hour to get into what happens.

It’s all rather unconnected, as a hitchhiker named Carla (Rhonda Jo Petty in her first film; she looks a lot like Farrah Fawcett and as you can imagine, this was very important in 1978) meets a drug dealer named the Candyman (Alan Colberg) and gets pimped out. Then, there’s a couple — Rick (Ric Lutze) and Rick’s wife (Robin Savage) and yes, the movie gives her no name, so that should tell you how much it is concerned with relationships — celebrating an anniversary before he dirty talks her in a way that seems like he’s a bit too into it. And ah, there’s Sherry (Ming Jade) and Angie (Angel Ducharme) arriving just as Johnny (Rob Rose) and Tony (Mike Ranger) walk in.

New year’s is a time for people to remember why they love one another, plan for the next trip around the sun and kiss at midnight. But here, in a movie shot in the back of a bowling alley that doubled on the weekend as a club, this take on Saturday Night Fever — well, outside of the fact that all disco to some people was that movie — has couples falling to pieces. Rick gets to the club and in seconds is making out with a waitress (Tiffany Ladd) and comically — and perhaps unintentionally — getting his medallion all over her body. What do you expect when you’re having sex in a squalid back room, on a pallet covered by a sleeping bag in a room full of Coca-Cola?

Rick didn’t even want to be here! Just listen to — or read — this dialogue.

Rick’s Wife: Will you take me dancing tonight?

Rick: What? Not tonight, homey! The Sugar Bowl’s on TV tonight!

Rick’s Wife: Come on honey, it’s New Year’s Eve and we haven’t been out in a long time…

Rick: Oh I know that, but honey I gotta see Alabama.

Rick’s Wife: Come on Rick, it’ll be fun.

Rick: Oh I don’t want to honey. It’s Bear Bryant’s last season and everything else. Aww, then tomorrow the games…

The end of this movie broke my brain, however. Another angry husband, upset that his wife is intending to cheat just like he did, is coming to the club and he’s angry. We see all of the many couples and people we’ve met throughout, including a guy who everyone calls Peter Frampton who triumphantly gets into the Disco Lady. And then, that husband bursts in and the screen slows to slow motion and then even slower, grinding, as we hear him fire his gun. People scream, the folks we’d just witnessed copulating are either killed or maimed or scarred for life by a night that was just supposed to be spent gyrating under the reflective ball or, at best, doing blow in the bathroom and having furtive sex in a storage closet. And now, they’re gone. The screaming keeps overloading the soundtrack, the grainy freeze frame starting to bend and twist and turn and the yelling and terror is still here, as the slow motion keeps ticking by, slower than it ever has before. There’s blood on the dance floor, even if the budget didn’t allow for it.

This absolute void of an ending redeems everything we’ve seen before except for the too short appearance of Rene Bond dancing the night away in potentially her last filmed appearance. She doesn’t have sex, she doesn’t get naked, she’s hotter than everything around her, the law of the invisible proving itself as it always does.

As Marlena Shaw sang, “Well, I can say goodbye in the cold morning light. But I can’t watch love die in the warmth of the night.” Man, I love when adult films fully forget that they’re created to get people aroused and instead seek to utterly destroy them.

SHAWGUST: The Avenging Eagle (1978)

Eagle Chief Yoh Xi-Hung (Ku Feng) leads Iron Boat Clan, a gang made up of orphans that he has raised to be his personal army — Eagles — of killers. His toughest “son” is Chik Ming-sing (Ti Lung), who loves combat. After being injured by Golden Spear Tao De-biu, he nearly dies and is nursed back to health by the family of lawman Wang An. Now, Chik Ming-sing sees that the life he has known since he was a child is a lie. He deserves love and to have a family.

Of course, the Iron Boat Clan then kills Wang An and Chik Ming-sing is targeted by them. As he wanders, he meets wrist knife fighting master Cheuk Yi-fan (Alexander Fu), who wants to destroy the Iron Boat Clan for killing his wife and children. He suspects Chik Ming-sing, but they make a good team as they both starts to fight back against the gang. Things take a turn when Chik Ming-sing reveals that he killed a man’s wife years ago — guess who? — and wants to be killed by that man to atone for his crime.

Of course our heroes get their revenge, even if Yoh Xi-Hung attempts to turn them against one another. The end, however, is still surprising and poignant, as our heroes are honor bound and have a path that they must follow. The last fight is astounding and both lead characters are so worthy of a movie on their own. Together, this is perfect.

Directed by Chung Sun, this movie knocked me out. Everyone’s weapons, from Yoh Xi-Hung’s claws and Chik Ming-sing’s staff to Cheuk Yi-fan’s wrist blades are so unique to each character and perfectly used. I can’t wait to watch this again.

This was remade in 1993 as The 13 Cold-Blooded Eagles.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Let Me Die a Woman (1977)

Doris Wishman week (July 21 – 27) Doris made the loopiest of movies. A self-proclaimed prude who made nudist camp movies, her filmography is filled with contradictions. When she tried to be mean spirited with something like Bad Girls Go To Hell there was always an undercurrent of silliness and fun, but when she tried to be silly and fun in things like Keyholes Are For Peeping there was an underlying seediness and grime that couldn’t be wiped off. It’s hard not to love her!  

I’ll go anywhere Doris Wishman wants to take me.

Doris is able to be so many directors in her approach and yet remain herself. Here, she’s in the worlds of Ed Wood and Kroger Babb, making a movie that says that it wants to educate you, but really wants to show you graphic surgery of a man’s penis being sliced into a vagina in full detail. In fact, this same footage was used for the South Park episode “Mr. Garrison’s Fancy New Vagina.”

It features Dr. Leo Wollman, founder of the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association, now the World Professional Association for Transgender Health, which wrote its first Standards of Care for transgender health care. He was also the science and medicine advisor for this movie. You also get interviews and moments with other transgender individuals, include Deborah Hartin, who transitioned in 1970 and became one of the first divorces due to transitioning. She also sued the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene for refusing to update her sex designation on her birth certificate.

Wishman started filming this in 1971 and debated titles like Adam or Eve and Strange/Her. Then she found Leslie, an attractive trans person who would provide the main interview in this film, yet seems to hate nearly every other trans person she’s ever met, even comparing herself at one point to Anita Bryant. This movie has a total Yin/Yang-ness to it; for every positive thing, there’s something truly deranged or negative. You get Dr. Wollman leading a support group in the same movie where there’s a re-enactment where a trans woman can’t wait for her new vagina to heal, so she sleeps with a cab driver and sprays blood between her thighs in graphic detail. And oh yeah, the cab driver? That’s Harry Reems sleeping with Arlana Blue, who was also one of the caged victims in Bloodsucking Freaks, the second murder victim in Massage Parlor Murders! and an adult actress who was in Invasion of the Love DronesThe Vixens of Kung Fu and Joe Sarno’s Confessions of a Young American Housewife.

There’s also a moment where a man uses a sharp blade and a hammer to attempt to remove his member, while you watch. And yes, that is Vanessa Del Rio and if you picked that up without IMDB, I’d shake your hand, but neither of us wants to know where our hands have been for so many years. And that john who gets picked up in the park? That’s Richard Towers, who used the name Greg Reynolds in Deadly Weapons, Tony Armada in Keyholes Are for Peeping, Joe Powers in Fleshpot on 42nd Street and Gaylord St. James when he played Dr. John Collingwood in Last House On the Left.

This ends with a long chroma key sex scene at the end that feels like the kind of images that Black Sabbath would perform in front of on a European variety show and then we’d watch it ten years later on Headbanger’s Ball.

I have no idea how to rate this movie. As a documentary, it’s not good. As trash, it’s amazing. I also understand that this is — at best — an embarrassing film for the trans community to watch. Yet without movies like this and Glen or Glenda, some audiences would have no experience with this community. Part of me would like to think this film’s heart is in the right place, but then again, this is also a movie padded out with softcore inserts. It really is almost a singular film, in the same way — oxymoron, anyone? — that Goodbye Uncle Tom is also trash yet is a fascinating document of how far you can push it.

I mean — when the weirdest part of your movie isn’t a penis gun that shoots fluid and that’s said to be an actual medical device — you know that this is the kind of thing you have to experience.

You can download this from the Internet Archive.