There’s no way I would have ever seen this movie if it wasn’t for the Chattanooga Film Festival.
“My father says if people don’t come and see this movie, we’ll starve,” says Tate Sullivan, introducing his father’s The Beer Drinker’s Guide to Fitness and Filmmaking.
Fred G. Sullivan only made one other movie and that’s a shame. He made Cold River in 1982, which was a historical movie. This is more like a home movie, but you may not know when it’s real and when it’s f for fake. Fred directed, wrote, produced, edited and stars in this, along with his four kids, his wife Polly, his business partners, his neighbors and nearly everyone who ever knew him.
Fred wants to be a filmmaker and a star. He wants it so bad that he’ll let you watch his proctology exam. As for Polly, she grew up rich and fell for him and now they’re off in the country where he muses about movies and daydreams all day. And yet, you can understand how she felt that way.
Not all of us have our home movies released on VHS. Imagine how amazing it would be if that were true and then your VHS was rediscovered by some movie nerds, logged on Letterboxd and discussed on Discord. It would be weird and yet if Fred were still alive — he died playing basketball — I think he’d be elated.
You can watch this and so many of the films at CFF by buying a pass on their website. I’ll be posting reviews and articles over the next few days, as well as updating my Letterboxd list of watches.
You can watch this on Vimeo. It was posted by one of Fred’s sons.
Adapted from Edgar Allan Poe’s short story The Fall of the House of Usher, this film marked the beginning of a series of eight Poe adaptations by Roger Corman, often in collaboration with writer Richard Matheson. Shot in a mere fifteen days, it was a bold departure for American-International Pictures, known for its black-and-white double features. This venture into color cinema with a substantial budget was a significant risk by AIP’s standards, adding a unique twist to the film’s production history.
Central to the narrative is the tragic fate of the Usher family, cursed to descend into madness. This ominous prophecy has not only engulfed their home but also the very ground it stands on, leading to its gradual decay and destruction.
Philip Winthrop (Mark Damon, Black Sabbath) traveled to the House of Usher to take his fiancee Madeline, who is opposed by her brother Roderick (Vincent Price), who is determined to see his family’s bloodline end with this generation. This leads to an argument so brutal that Madeline’s catalepsy is triggered, making her appear dead, and when she’s buried alive, she fully gives in to the madness within the Usher family, bringing the entire home down in flames all around everyone but our hero, who leaves with nothing.
Although Corman and Lou Rusoff are usually given credit for the AIP Poe cycle of films, Damon spoke up on a Black Sabbath commentary track, claiming he gave Corman the idea and was even allowed to direct The Pit and the Pendulum. This story hasn’t been confirmed, as there are several images of Corman directing that movie.
The success of House of Usher not only paved the way for more collaborations between Corman and Price but also set a precedent for reusing the same sets and special effects. The iconic Usher house set, which was actually a scheduled demolition, was set ablaze, and the footage used in multiple films, a testament to the enduring influence of this production.
You can watch this and so many of the films at CFF by buying a pass on their website. I’ll be posting reviews and articles over the next few days, as well as updating my Letterboxd list of watches.
Before he became known for Game of Thrones, George R. R. Martin wrote a 23,000-word novella titled “Nightflyers,” which was published by Analog Science Fiction and Fact. A few years later, encouraged by his editor James Frenkel, Martin turned it into a longer story which was published in a split book with Vernor Vinge’s True Names as part of their Dell’s Binary Star series.
You don’t need to know this, but this is in the same “Thousand Worlds” universe as other Martin stories such as Sandkings, A Song for Lya, The Way of the Cross and Dragon, With Morning Comes Mistfall, the short stories in Tuf Voyaging and Dying of the Light.
Director Robert Collector (Red Heat, the Linda Blair and Sylvia Kristel one) left shooting before the movie was finished and used the name T. C. Blake. Writer and producer Robert Jaffe (he wrote Demon Seed, Motel Hell and the deranged Scarab) took the short version as his inspiration.
First off, kind of like Fulci with Conquestand his fog, this entire movie is supposed to look this misty. It was a deliberate choice by the producers, director and cinematographer who wanted the movie to look like a dream. Seeing as how it’s never been released in any high definition media, the VHS look of this makes it appear even more phantasmagorical.
The Volkryn are ancient space gods kind of like Kirby’s the Celestials, as they go blindly through the galaxy creating stars in their wake. An unseen pilot named Royd Eris (Michael Praed, Prince Michael of Moldavia on Dynasty) has brought together a crew of scientists with Miranda Dorlac (Catherine Mary Stewart, who seriously rivals Jessica Harper for being in multiple cult movies that lunatics like me obsess over; as for her, she’s in movies I go wild over like The Last Starfighter, Night of the Comet and The Apple) as our heroine. There’s also Michael D’Brannin (John Standing), Audrey Zale (Lisa Blount, forever from Prince of Darkness), Keelor (Glenn Withrow), Eliza (Annabel Brooks, who replaced Bianca Jagger), Glenn Withrow (Michael Des Barres, yes, the guy from the band Detective who was on the remade WKRP In Cincinnati) and Darryl (James Avery, the voice of the Shredder and Uncle Phil).
Royd and Miranda are into one another, which has some issues, as he’s a clone of his mother Adara, who is also the computer that runs the ship and decides that this woman — in a power suit with mirrored shades — is going to take her son away from her, so she goes all HAL and kills everyone. This would fit in well with a lot of Alien clones, even if it’s not all the way on Alien. Maybe a late Galaxy of Terror? An early Event Horizon? It’s flawed, sure, but so is Lifeforce and both of these movies would go together well.
I mean, take a look at Stewart in that outfit. Murder computer mom is so correct.
This was also a SyFy series in 2018. It lasted for ten episodes.
You can watch this and so many of the films at CFF by buying a pass on their website. I’ll be posting reviews and articles over the next few days, as well as updating my Letterboxd list of watches.
Are you looking to achieve higher states of consciousness using nothing but the raw ass power of cinema? Would your friends or family describe you as “the weird one?” We want you to know that we’re here for you. We’ve carefully constructed our WTF (Watch These Films?) and BRIDE OF WTF short film blocks with weirdos JUST LIKE YOU in mind. Our yearly salute to the stranger side of short cinema is in fine form this year, with a slate of shorts positively guaranteed to make mush of your mind, which feels REAL cool. WE KNOW. We’ve seen them. Also, we aren’t telling you to go out and hot box your car before you watch these films, but we also aren’t telling you to NOT hot box your car before you watch these films!
Krampuss (2023): Known as Þið kannist við… (You Know…) in its native Iceland, this Guðni Líndal Benediktsson directed (with a script co-written with Ævar Þór Benediktsson) has a holiday tradition I’ve never heard of before. The Yule Cat, which eats people who don’t get clothes as Christmas gifts.
I’m amazed because this is a real thing. Jólakötturinn is “a huge and vicious cat from Icelandic Christmas folklore that is said to lurk in the snowy countryside during the Christmas season and eat people who do not receive new clothing before Christmas Eve.”
The Yule Cat was often used by landowners as a threat to their field workers to finish collecting wool before autumn was over. Those who didn’t work hard enough were made to fear this holiday beast.
This short looks gorgeous and has a really great effect for the cat. When else will you see a horrifying Christmas kitten?
A.A. (2024): Directed by Auden Bui, this has a very simple idea: There’s more to A.A. than alcoholics anonymous. Bui has some great talent in this — Anna Akana, Malcolm Barrett, Ryan Decker, Sage Porter, Brandon Potter, Bobby Reed and Uttera Singh — who lean way hard into their roles. Can you imagine going out for an open casting call and getting the role of “Member of Asseaters Anonymous” much less have to say dialogue like, “There I am with four dingleberries in my face?” Acting is a rough business. That said, this is a short worth being proud of, a basic story told well and even a little twist at the end.
Disciple (2024): Made as a student film while director and writer Boston Enderle was at Western Kentucky University, this is a bold and well-made film about Isaac (Coltyn Parks), an abused preacher’s (Greg Brandenburg) son. When he doesn’t pay enough attention to his father’s teachings, he’s forced to pray while slicing stigmata — the wounds of Christ — into his hands. Then, he has a meeting with the Verdant God (Trinity Graves), an ancient being, and finds that he can finally escape the brutality that he and his family have lived with for their entire lives. A truly interesting idea that is treated with the care that it deserves, I’d love to see a longer and deeper take on this.
A Visual Poem (2024): Directed by Benjamin Walant with original music by William Walant, this short is described as “surreal environments take center stage in this visual odyssey.” Benjamin works as a digital matte painter and concept artist in the VFX industry. He says, “As a professional digital matte painter (DMP artist), I wanted to harness my extensive VFX experience to push what can be done with this age-old technique; transforming what is usually the backdrop to center stage.”
I would compare this to Koyaanisqatsi, which is meant as a big compliment. I really felt the energy in this and was soothed, challenged and inspired by it.
All Is Lost (2024): Todo está perdido is the tale of the Pérez family. They may seem normal, but so much of this short is about them fertilizing an egg that the laid of the house has just laid. Directed by Carla Pereira Docampo and Juan Fran Jacinto, who wrote the script with Paco Alcázar, this looks like nothing else, a puppet-style presentation with artwork that as much retro as it is unfamiliar. The colors are so gorgeous and vivid as well. I can’t even imagine how long this took to make, because it feels so meticulous. Yet it is open and airy, filled with a light comedy touch. This is something else.
Catacombs (2024): I love the slasher Prison. More horror movies should be set in correctional facilities and Catacombs is a strong entry in this unexplored genre. As a thunderstorm is just outside the walls, a guard has to go deep into the sections of the old jailhouse, confronting the horrors that wait within. Director and writer Chad Cunningham really needs to expand this into a feature, as I’d love to see what he can do with a bigger budget and more time. Mike (Kenneth Trujillo) is faced with more than he ever expected and — again — I’d love to see how this buried part of this correctional facility affects the rest of the prison.
Burn Out (2024): Director and writer Russell Goldman says of this short, “Burn Out is a gonzo, high-octane horror story inspired by my post-concussive syndrome and all-consuming bosses. This short is about how we push ourselves in breakneck work environments and make disastrous compromises with our bodies and minds. Nothing is scarier (or more absurd) than what we can do to ourselves.”
Again, as in all the best shorts, it’s a simple tale told well. Virgil (Everett Osborne), an assistant, will do anything to get his presentation in front of Gower (Tommie Earl Jenkins), the big boss. In fact, he’ll even set himself on fire.
Produced by Jamie Lee Curtis and Film Independent, this has incredible effects and captures the way that I felt in my years of working in advertising when I was allowed to approach a boss and genuflect before their brilliance as they would take a moment to give me their great secrets. I learned nothing. But this movie brought that all back.
Adding another layer to the corporate madness in this, it was shot in the abandoned Quibi offices.
Don’t You Dare Film Me Now (2023): Director and writer Cade Featherstone is a British filmmaker and award-winning designer who worked as a graphic artist for films such as The Favourite and Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Now getting an MFA in narrative filmmaking at NYU, he’s made this short, which is advanced beyond his years.
A drone finds an elderly woman who is, at the start, angry that the machine is invading her privacy. By the end, they have strangely bonded, both close to the end of their charge, as it were. This made me sit back and take notice.
Fck’n Nuts (2023): Sandy (Maddie Nichols) may be 19, but she’s still a child. She still lives at home with her parents (William E. Harris and Michele Rossi) and every man she introduces them to leaves her. She’s in love with Dan Deakins (Vincent Stalba), who is kind and sweet and hey, he knows wine. He’s in love with her too, but that means that he has to meet the family. Things go as absolutely bad as they can, beyond embarrassment and into pus-oozing anaphylactic shock.
This movie has a look that lives up to its name. Director and writer Sam Fox has created something truly special here, a piece of art that takes what in lesser hands would be sophomoric and here aspires to masterpiece. Here I was worried meeting my far right wing in-laws for the first time. I had nothing to worry about. I mean, I’m still alive.
A must watch!
Hunky Dory (2024): The 4,320 drawings in the film were drawn by hand on index cards, colored with Copic markers and Prismacolor pencils. The entire short was made in two years of full time work and each drawing is unique with no computer animation.
The story “juxtaposes scenes of animal life with images of human existence, observing the quirky and unexpected ways in which we are similar.” The banjo music comes from Béla Fleck and his bandmates in My Bluegrass Heart. This has such a beautiful look and totally chilled me out. I’m going to save it to watch again for when things get edgy.
Ouchie (2024): Mona (La Daniella) has had a bad experience with a new lover named Grace (Sara Lynn). She can’t even feel better with the self help recordings that she uses to give herself confidence. As a side note, I use these as well and my wife always comes in to make fun of me while I’m just trying to get the ability to make it through the day.
Mona soon begins to see strange rashes on everyone, including herself. Are they real? Or is the problem inside her? Director Kyle Kuchta and writer Jeanette Wall are asking the roughest questions here, where we must try and realize that the scars that we carry aren’t as visible as the ones on display here with great FX. Instead, we all have them and must all come to understand ourselves. Such a great short!
Shadow (2024): Ahtna (Katy Wright-Mead) and her daughter Elise (Valentina Gordon as the younger child, Christy St. John as the grown up) are playing when things grow rough. The mother gives chase and her daughter slams her fingers inside a doorframe. Then, her shadow begins to chase Elise through the home, changing in shape, size and even appearance, looking like her mother sometimes and something frightening when you get closer.
There’s no dialogue to speak of, but there is a mother repeatedly banging her head into the kitchen floor, an everyday piece of fright mixed with the black and white starkness throughout. Director and writer Kamell Allaway is someone to watch.
The Crossing Over Express (2024): Hank (Luke Barnett, who directed and wrote this with Tanner Thomason) wants to speak with his mother one more time. This brings him to a white truck. In the back is Dr. Gale Gustberg (Dot-Marie Jones), who can help him get the closure he seeks.
If you were given this opportunity, what would you do? There are so many people I wish I could just have one more moment with, so I would probably find myself paying that money and wondering if I was being screwed over, just like this film’s hero. I know I say this quite often about shorts, but I’d love to see even more of this story and these characters.
Quiet! Mom’s Working! (2024): “What happens in mom’s basement, stays in mom’s basement.” Yes, why is Del (Shane Brady) strapped to a table? Why is mom (Ana Krista Johnson) threatening him with a phallic drill? Will the daughter (Jillian Shea Spaeder) stop fighting with her brother? And what will dad (Jim O’Heir) say when he gets home?
Patrick Hogan is known for his sound work (Fire Country, Cobra Kai) but this is a short that he directed and wrote. And it’s an absolute burst of fun, one filled with tough talk, angry mom faces and dildo nunchucks. You may see the ending coming, but when it’s done this well, does that matter?
You can watch so many of the films at CFF by buying a pass on their website. I’ll be be posting reviews and articles over the next few days, as well as updating my Letterboxd list of watches.
In Paperbacks from Hell (page 143 to be exact), Grady Hendrix explains what PIN is all about:
“Leon and Ursula have lived together ever since their parents died in a car accident. The kids grew up thinking dad’s anatomical model, PIN, was alive, and now Leon throws his voices unconsciously, keeping PIN talking. PIN eats with them, listens to Leon’s weird recitals, and when Leon and Ursula have incest sex, PIN likes to help. If you’re a completely insane lunatic shut-in with ice waters in your veins and screaming bats inside your skull, this would be paradise. And for Leon, it is.”
PIN was written by Andrew Neiderman, who has written forty-seven novels under his own name, but is perhaps better known for the sixty-eight — and counting — that’s ghostwritten from V.C. Andrews and her Flowers in the Attic series.
1988’s Canadian movie adaption skips most of the incest, but trust me, it’s no less strange.
Directed by Sandor Stern (the writer of the original The Amityville Horror and writer/director of the Patty Duke starring Amityville: The Evil Escapes), PIN starts with Dr. Frank Linden (Terry O’Quinn, forever The Stepfather in our hearts), who keeps a human size, anatomically correct Slim Goodbody-esque medical model in his office that he’s named Pin. He uses Pin — throwing his voice to make him speak — to explain how the body works without it being awkward. The doctor is a cold and distant man; only his interactions through the doll seem warm.
Leon has problems. He probably has some mental illness, which isn’t helped by his domineering mother, who doesn’t allow him to play outside or bring friends home. Pin is his only friend in the entire world. Imagine his shock when he goes to visit Pin one day and a nurse is having sex with the doll. Isn’t it delightful when a movie can just make your jaw hit the floor? Well, keep watching Pin.
The doctor and his wife constantly feel like they could kill one another at any moment. And Leon may not ever want to think about sex, but his sister can’t stop thinking about it. Jump cut ahead in time and she’s literally having sex with most of the football team while her brother is scrubbing graffiti about her off a locker. After Leon angrily fights several boys who are lining up to have their way with her (remember what I said about the surprising strangeness of this one), she agrees to stop having sex. That said, she needs an abortion, an operation that her father coldly does in front of Leon, telling him that he needs to watch this procedure for when he does it himself. They’ll just tell mother she had some cramps.
One night, Dr. Linden and his wife are leaving for a speech. He forgets his notes and runs back to his office, where he finds Leon talking to Pin. Realizing his son has lost his mind, he takes Pin away. However, a car accident caused by his speeding (or is it Pin?) kills the parents off. As Leon investigates the crash, he takes Pin with him.
Leon and Ursula enjoy their freedom from their mother’s strict cleaning habits and menus, but as other people try and enter their lives, like Aunt Dorthy or Stan, Ursula’s love interest, Leon and Pin take them out. At this point, Pin is now dressing in Dr. Linden’s clothes and has latex skin and a wig so he can appear human.
Oh! In the middle of all of this, Leon has a date with a redhead who is all over him. He panics and runs to Pin for help, then uses the frightening doll to chase the girl away from the house.
Leon believes that Stan is only interested in Ursula’s money and to put him away. To be fair, they did discuss how crazy he’s been acting and what they should do. I’ve never had to meet the doll friend of a girlfriend’s brother, somewhat amazingly. Pin tells Leon how to dispose of Stan, but he’s interrupted by Ursula, who is on her way home from her library job.
Upon finding blood on the carpet, Ursula starts to run. Leon blames Pin, who flips out on him, telling him that he has never lied for him or to him. His sister returns with an axe as the screen goes white.
Fast forward: Stan is OK and still with Ursula. She comes home to see Pin, who asks whether or not she’s seen Leon. She answers, “No.” It’s then revealed that Ursula destroyed the doll, but now Pin has become Leon’s full personality. He is now the doll.
Pin is unsettling. It’s relatively bloodless, but that doesn’t stop its power to shock, whether you’re reading it in book form or watching the movie.
Here’s the episode of my podcast about Pin.
You can watch this and so many of the films at CFF by buying a pass on their website. I’ll be posting reviews and articles over the next few days, as well as updating my Letterboxd list of watches.
When his daughter is threatened by kidnappers, a deadbeat detective (Joseph Graham) sets out to investigate a cryptic note left behind, one that finds him investigating a case that involves time, space and a kitchen sink. Directed by Justin Perry (Nothing Really Happens), who co-wrote it with Amy Anderson — who also plays Jane — this movie is quite simply a ton of fun. Setting itself as a time, teleporting or magic kind of thing, this creates a Schrödinger’s cat situation out of that strange note and messages delivered to people saying things like “Don’t buy a sword.”
It’s strange in all the best of ways and moves at a rapid clip that never gets tired or plain. In fact, I kind of want to watch it again right now.
This was originally called Dickhead and I can imagine that the new title is helping it get seen more.
You can watch this and so many of the films at CFF by buying a pass on their website. I’ll be posting reviews and articles over the next few days, as well as updating my Letterboxd list of watches.
The quantum suicide thought experiment is a lot like Schrödinger’s cat. In that, a cat, A cat, a Geiger counter, and a bit of radioactive poison are placed in a sealed box. Quantum mechanics believes that after some time, we can consider the cat to be both alive and dead. If you were to look into the box, you would find out the truth, but for now, you must assume that the cat is in both states.
A quantum suicide is an experiment where the box kills an occupant in a given time frame with a probability of one-half due to quantum uncertainty.
The difference?
The person inside the box is recording their observations of what is happening.
The significance?
This person is in a life and death situation and realizes it, unlike the cat.
There are also three rules, as written by Max Tegmark in Our Mathematical Universe:
The random number generator must be quantum, not deterministic, so that the experimenter enters a state of superposition of being dead and alive.
The experimenter must be rendered dead (or at least unconscious) on a time scale shorter than that on which they can become aware of the outcome of the quantum measurement.
The experiment must be virtually certain to kill the experimenter, and not merely injure them.
Man, I hate math.
Directed and written by Gerrit Van Woudenberg, Quantum Suicide is about a physicist on a quest for the Grand Unifying Theory of Physics.
You know, the Theory of Everything.
He builds a particle accelerator in his garage and begins his research into the nature of reality. In the process of his experiments, he suffers radiation poisoning, loses his vision and causes his partner to leave him. Yet in his obsession, which has seemingly destroyed his life, he finds some level of understanding and clarity. Only one test remains to finish his work.
This isn’t the kind of movie filled with action. It requires plenty of thought and attention. I really liked the messages within it, but trust me, it’s not for everyone. But for viewers ready to experience this film, it has plenty to reward you with.
You can learn more about this movie on the official site.
You can watch this and so many of the films at CFF by buying a pass on their website. I’ll be posting reviews and articles over the next few days, as well as updating my Letterboxd list of watches.
Directed by Adam and Skye Mann, A Guide to Becoming an Elm Treestarts when Padraig (James Healy-Meaney) seeks out how to build a coffin for his recently deceased — but already buried — wife and works with a mysterious carpenter. The carpenter demands that this not be a simple project and requires not just the skills of hammer, saw and file but also the study of the trees and how they will lend themselves to making the perfect container for his lost wife. However, Padraig finds a book in the carpenter’s house that allows him to get done faster, which as you can guess, just goes wrong.
Shot in stark black and white and filled with Irish accents that may seem imperceptible to American ears — the closed captioning is a must — this is a film that is filled with longing, loss and magic that still finds itself in the world. It’s definitely worth a watch.
You can watch this and so many of the films at CFF by buying a pass on their website. I’ll be posting reviews and articles over the next few days, as well as updating my Letterboxd list of watches.
Are you looking to achieve higher states of consciousness using nothing but the raw ass power of cinema? Would your friends or family describe you as “the weird one?” We want you to know that we’re here for you. We’ve carefully constructed our WTF (Watch These Films?) and BRIDE OF WTF short film blocks with weirdos JUST LIKE YOU in mind. Our yearly salute to the stranger side of short cinema is in fine form this year, with a slate of shorts positively guaranteed to make mush of your mind, which feels REAL cool. WE KNOW. We’ve seen them. Also, we aren’t telling you to go out and hot box your car before you watch these films, but we also aren’t telling you to NOT hot box your car before you watch these films!
The Shadow Wrangler (2024): Nan (director and writer Grace Rex) is trying to narrate Western romance novels from the tiny closet of her New York City apartment. There really are paranormal erotic Western paperbacks called The Shadow Wranglers! And then, as she gets to the best part — you know, the throbbing manhood — construction starts happening in her building and her ex also shows up to try to talk.
This is an interesting take on a woman trying to deal with the end of her relationship, a miscarriage and how life seems to not always be figured out. The ending may not seem to completely come together for me, but I really enjoyed what I watched and the touches of humor amongst the darkness.
Two Women Make a Lunch Plan (2023): Two women (Eilise Patton and Jade Kaiser) who have neither seen nor heard from one another in quite some time run into each other and make a plan to get lunch sometime in the future. Directed by Elizabeth Archer and written by William Longsden, this is a quick burst of, well, what it feels like when you just want to escape a conversation or make plans and can’t figure out either.
MAKE ME A PIZZA (2023): A woman (Sophie Neff) is starving, so she orders a Meat Lover’s Pizza that she can’t pay for. Yet, in that old adult film cliche, perhaps there’s some other way she can pay the delivery man (Woody Coyote). Yet he explains that sex can’t be equated to currency and wonders what is the true value of pizza? How does her offer of a carnal evening of pure pleasure possibly pay for all of the many hands that have gone into the creation of these slices?
Then, they decide to become a pizza yet somehow create a pizza god that asks them to leave their flesh behind to become part of the pizza. Will this make them free? Probably.
Directed by Talia Shea Levin who wrote the script with Woody Coyote and Katie Peabody, this is one of the strangest shorts I’ve seen in some time and that’s a complete compliment. It gets the 80s VCA porn aesthetic — was there one? — while making me so hungry for a hot slice of pie. You know. Pizza.
Like Me (2024): Directed and written by Ashley Lauren Thomas, this is about a woman named catlady 5406 (also Thomas) trying to get noticed on social media. And also, cutting her bangs. After drinking. Even as a dumb guy, I know that this is the worst of ideas. I mean, I don’t think it usually goes as bad as it does in this short, but bangs should only be touched by a professional. This has a happy ending, though, as our heroine does finally get the social media interaction that she craved so much.
One Happy Customer (2023): Set in the red-light district of a world that’s created with foam latex practical effects, miniatures and animation layered together, this is the story of a veteran sex worker who tickles the feet of her customers, takes their money and launches them into space. It’s not exciting any more for her, but then she meets a customer who makes her look young and he wants something special. And he’s ready to blow her mind.
Directed, written and produced by WATTS, this has an absurd level of production design. It looks like every single inch of this short has been obsessed over and it’s worth it. This is a world that doesn’t exist anywhere but in this movie and for this small amount of time.
The Rainbow Bridge (2023): Tina (Tru Tran) takes her elderly dog MeeMoo (Fat Tony) to a clinic claiming to enable human-pet communication in the last moments before death. Then things get strange, because the two mad scientists — Dr. Bailey Picadilo (Heather Lawless) and Herb (James Urbaniak) — running the place learn that Tina and MeeMoo share an unusually strong bond that transcends time and space. They might just be the key to something great. But is the cost too much to pay?
Directed and written by Dimitri Simakis, this gets into how Tina and MeeMoo can create a world between our world and the one of our dead pets. This is what the scientists have been working on for thirty years. I loved that MeeMoo explained that he is just a chapter in Tina’s life, not that it makes losing a pet any easier.
The phone number for the Rainbow Bridge — 323-685-2626 — didn’t work. Ah, my plans to speak to my chihuahua Cubby will have to wait. I plan on him being alive forever.
Body (2023): Jake (Aaron G. Hale) and his girlfriend Dawn (Leila Annastasia Scott) have no idea where that dancing Frankenstein’s Monster decoration has come from. But Jake definitely saw it move and stare at him.
If you learn anything from this short, directed and written by Ronald Short, it’s if you find what seems like a cursed object in your house, you get rid of it right away. Have we learned nothing from every Amityville movie? Those dancing decorations have always upset me and this movie has proved to me that I have always been right to be afraid.
Cart Return (2023): “Your chances of being killed by a cart are extremely low. But never zero…” With those prophetic words, Cart Return, directed and written by Matt Webb, begins.
You can tell a lot about people by watching if they return a cart or not. Melanie (Whitney Adkins) is one of those people who just refuses to bring her’s back. This brings out of reality and right into a horror movie.
She’s also one of those people who talks on her phone the entire time she’s shopping, bringing everyone into her self-absorbed conversation. There are quite a few grocery parking lots where I’d love to see this short happen for real.
The Curse of the Velvet Vampire (2023): Two Chinese horror aficionados meet in a cult video store to watch the mysterious vampire film called The Curse of the Velvet Vampire. which stars the band 802 and a lot of beautiful vampire girls. They even worked with Warpigs Brewing to create a beer called Velvet Vampire.
Directed by Christoffer Sandau Schuricht, who wrote the script with Poul Erik Madsen (he and Schuricht made The Beast Will Kill Us All together) and Andreas Asingh (the lead singer of 802), this gets the Demons mask in immediately and I wish there was a video store like this close to me even if it rents tapes that seemed cursed.
I love the look of this and wish we’d gotten the full movie that 802 was in, because whatever it is, it’s awesome.
Gum (2023): An obsessive gum chewer (Sean Moskal) is working to hit a deadline that seems impossible. He keeps chewing gum, as he always does, in an attempt to stay awake. Yet the more he bites into, the less teeth he has. Directed and written by Sam Elder. this is one short to miss if you have teeth loss or bloody mouths as your triggers. I guess it must be hard to blow bubbles with a mouthful of nothing.
Type A (2023): A man (Joe Briggs) is one of those Saw situations where must complete a task in exchange for his life. Directed and written by Jake Barcus, we discover that task is impossible, because it’s plugging an HDMI cord in, which is the hardest thing ever. Also, maybe you shouldn’t discuss rimming with a masked killer with a gun and a voice changer.
STAIRWELL (2022): Directed by Anthony Ceceri and David Britton, who wrote the script, this animated short has a young girl start to notice the patterns of the stairwell in her building. Each time she is on the stairs, there’s another dead animal, from fly to roach, rat to cat. Always something larger. Always something dead. Short, sweet and sinister, this is well made.
We Joined a Cult (2023): Directed and written by Chris McInroy, this is the tale of Wes (Kirk C. Johnson) and Luke (Carlos Larotta), two guys who wanted to play kickball and ended up in the cult of “He Who Blows In the Wind.” Things get as out of hand as you imagine quite quickly with possession, brain licking, blood sprays and Lenny (Brant Bumpers). McIntroy also made GUTS, which is one of the few films made lately that made me physically sick, so I’m super excited to report that this has tons of the red stuff and no small shortage of moments that will make you feel queasy. A success!
The 44th Chamber of Shaolin (2022): This starts with a disclaimer just like Jackass which means that I’m already a fan. The 44th Chamber of Shaolin is about the fake training that a kung fu master creates for a student who may love Shaw Brothers movies too much.
Directed and written by Jon Truei, this discusses chi powers and how if you train hard enough, you can defeat guns. You know, all that Dim Mak stuff. If you pay enough money, most karate schools will tell you that you can do just about anything.
Sifu Carlos (Santino Marin) believes that the kid (Marshieh Johnson) has the potential to be a Shaolin warrior, to enter the 44th Chamber, started by a killer monk that he passed on to ninjas. To become invulnerable to pain, you must taze yourself in the nuts as many times as you can. This gives you the defense that you require to fight anyone.
I loved this. Between the flashback scene and multiple stuns to the sack, this is cinema.
You can watch so many of the films at CFF by buying a pass on their website. I’ll be be posting reviews and articles over the next few days, as well as updating my Letterboxd list of watches.
Named in honor of the wild collections of short genre fiction curated by the luminary author Harlan Ellison, CFF’s Dangerous Visions block has long been the dark heart of their short film program each year, and this year, there were too many fantastic horror and sci-fi shorts for a single block to contain them so they’ve expanded things to include our virtual SO LONG AND THANKS FOR ALL THE DANGEROUS VISIONS block. No summer spent at Camp CFF is complete without the heaping helping of HOLY SHIT that are these two blocks!
Nian (2022): This ran on Hulu’s Bite-Sized Halloween and is directed and written by Michelle Krusiec. It’s about Gertie (Lauren Mei), an Asian-American student who is bullied. To defend herself, she turns to one of the mythological creatures from Chinese New Year, the Nian. It’s a mythological creature said to eat rotten children. I loved her grandmother (Dawn Akemi Saito) who is in no way shy or non-profane about how angry she is that someone would tell her daughter to go back where she came from.
I didn’t know anything about the nian before watching this. When the Chinese New Year begins — usually at the end of January — the nian arrives to feed on anything a village has, even their children. Demon masks — like the one in this film — protect kids from this creature.
This looks absolutely gorgeous and better than most modern films. It’s quick and to the point, but gives Krusiec time to prove a great level of talent. You can learn more at the official site.
Consumer (2023): The PR line for this is “What if John Carpenter directed an episode of Goosebumps?” Well, that sets me up for something interesting.
Matt Fisher (Nate Ridgeway) is the kind of sensitive soul that sits in the mall and draws sketches. Well, that enrages the local bullies, who are Corvette t-shirt-wearing Johnny Porterhouse (Jack Anderson), Jeff Sally (Jeffrey Nichols) and a punked out girl named Harvey Keller (Bethany Carroll) who draws all over his work and is so mean that I’d furtively make mixtapes for her and wonder why the only attention I could get from her was scorn. Yes, perhaps I was a young Matt in the late 80s. I absolutely love that Jeffy carries a morningstar with him like teens my age used to walk Beaver Valley Mall with nunchucks.
Matt then meets Dave (played by Matt Fisher, who directed this short) and is given a video game called Consumer that offers him the choice between forgiveness or consuming. His choice drives the rest of this movie.
Directed by Matthew FIsher and written by Maximum Byrd, this is the kind of movie where someone is handed a floppy disk and told, “Those bullies are going to get what’s coming to them.” As a longtime fan of movies like Evilspeak and Trick or Treat, I am always down with geeks rising up and getting their rightful revenge. Also: the company who made the Consumer program is Theophilus, which means “loved by God.” Hmm…
The idea of learning to forgive instead of being consumed is deep within this. Even better, this parable is told with gorgeous colors and angles, as well as a feel for the mall that is often missing in modern media that attempts to recreate the 80s. I had a blast with this. You can learn more at the official site.
The Noise (2023): Ella secretly struggles with an eating disorder to the point that during her birthday dinner, all she can hear is the calorie counts of the meal her family has made for her. This is called The Noise, a force that becomes a monstrous form that takes over Ella’s life. As someone who has struggled with their weight their entire life and continually tracks calories on an app, I have felt all of the voices in her head but never to this extent.
Directed by Jillian Shea Spaeder (who also wrote, produced and stars in this short) and Bryce Gheisar, this is a terrifying film that can also explain in a very visceral way what it’s like to constantly be worried about what we put into our bodies to a level that destroys your life. I really loved — as much as I can — the sound design of The Noise.
Ella is obviously not out of shape and is a normal girl. I felt for her and what she’s going through in this. And the film, from an artistic perspective, mixes so many difficult shots — a long running tracking shot outside, angle shots in darker lighting with The Noise being revealed, darker lit shots that are never lost — that this is a confident entry that could lead to some teachable moments for those who don’t understand eating issues.
You can watch it here:
Apotemnofilia (2023): Clara (Lucía Azcoitía) is having difficulty transitioning from her pregnancy back to acting. Now, confronted with a packed house on opening night, she can’t stop the buzzing that is going on in her head, even when she — spoilers on — begins burning her leg with cigarettes and repeatedly stabbing herself to remove whatever is inside her.
Directed and written by Jano Pita, this doesn’t shy away from huge displays of splatter and literal geysers of blood as the world is falling apart outside Clara’s dressing room door. I learned from my friend Joseph Perry that apotemnofilia means the “desire of amputation for a healthy limb” and wow, this lives up to that medical term.
Extra points for a poster that echoes Tenebrae and has such a striking black and red color balance. Wow. This one is something else.
Giallo (2023): When a movie says that it’s dedicated to the masters of Italian horror and the Ramsay Brothers (Mahakaal), you know that I’m already going to be predisposed to liking it.
Director and writer Yogesh Chandekar has put together what feels like an honest tribute to giallo, as the music by Achint Thakkar is absolutely perfect, the lighting is gorgeous — our heroine’s (Saiyami Kher) mother doesn’t live in Bava Heights on accident — and I love the look of the masked, black gloved killer. I want to give away the big reveal but it’s just so good that I want more people to see this and be as surprised as I was. If anything, it makes too much sense to be a giallo and I say that as a big fan of the filone.
Here’s hoping that more people get a chance to watch this, because for all the recent giallo tributes, this feels absolutely spot on in look and feel. It even has the soft darkness that only Italian film looks like. It’s astounding how much the streets of India can look like the dark alleys of Rome.
Night Feeding (2023): It’s 4 a.m. when a baby monitor goes off and alerts a new mother (Leah Shesky) that her child needs fed. The crying leads her through the darkness, but the lack of sleep and strange early and late — the small hours — time disorients her as she picks up her baby. As the infant drinks from her breast, she leans back and feels comfort in the fact that the crying has stopped. Yet as the music gets darker and the camera pushes in on her, something has to be wrong. And that’s when we hear the baby still crying even though there’s something attached to her nipple.
Directed and written by Sarah K. Reimers, this has to be triggering for mothers to watch, who will probably cheer when the heroine launches the demonic child. And the father (Andrew Coates)? He slept through all of it.
Come Back Haunted (2023): A reclusive woman (Toby Poser, who is part of the family that made Hellbender) must go against her normal behavior and connect with someone when a blood covered girl (Catherine Bennis) appears, screaming that she has to escape her mother (Virginia Newcomb). The woman tries to become a surrogate to the child, but there’s darkness out here.
Directed and written by Logan J. Freeman, this should remind you that there are horrible people out there as well as those that need help. Yet you should never invite anyone into your home, because just like little me who measured the distance between everyone’s fingers and checked for pentagrams on the pa;m to determine if they were monsters in my kindergarten class, you just never know.
This looks absolutely terrific and has some intense performances by each actor. I’d love to see this expanded into something longer but perhaps it’s perfect just the way it is. Yet another reason to never be near cornfields. Or maybe the monster is inside all of us?
The Little Curse (2024): Abby (Ciera Eis) and Trent (Adrian Honner) have inherited an old house of Abby’s eccentric aunt and are giving a tour to their Rod Stewart vintage t-shirt clad friend Ratboy (Charlie Lind). As they look through the basement, they find a trunk with a little girl’s dead body inside, holding a corn husk doll.
The first thing you should do in this situation is leave the house and never come back. The last thing is keeping the doll, which is what Abby has done. Well, that night, the little girl (Audrina Miranda) comes back for it. Has no one seen Ghosthouse? Leave toys in the coffins of children!
Directors Nicholas Berger and Dana Berry — who also wrote this — know horror pretty well, as well as how couples like to make fun of one another. A lot of it feels natural, but man, Ratboy reminds me of my friend Dillon and he deserves justice.
Strange Creatures (2023): Starting with a Jane Austen quote — “What strange creatures brothers are! You would not write to each other but upon the most urgent necessity in the world.” — and the sound of a phone call, we meet our protagonist as she parks her car. She remembers a phone call from her brother — before or after he died? –= and goes to where he died to seek out exactly what happened.
Directed and written by Nicholas Payne Santos, this breaks up the supernatural feel of this world with our ordinary sounds, like that iPhone ring that we hear every day. What is less expected is the still working payphone in the middle of nowhere. As her brother keeps calling and asking for help — she’s already seen something — our lead is reduced to panic and tears.
I’d like to see more of this and learn what happens next. It’s well made and I wonder where else Santos can take it.
Spooky Crew (2023): The Spooky Crew — Nancy (Olivia Peck), Tim (Jeff Pearson) and Emery (Jerik Thibodeaux) — are ready to go up against the local urban legend of Mary Jane (Wicken Taylor). Some of the team thinks that all of these paranormal things are fake. Some of them are skeptics. They all want you to pay into their Patreon so they can keep doing their podcast.
Mary Jane died on the night of her prom under mysterious circumstances and the Spooky Crew is on the case, live streaming their journey to discover the truth. Also: Tim is rocking a Vinegar Syndrome shirt, so of course I’d ask him to guest on our videocast.
Directed by Erin Bennett, who co-wrote it with Donny Broussard, this gets across the silliness of the whole livestream ghost hunts while remaining authentic to how they actually speak. Also: always pack face masks for when you go into places where there is mold. I mean, it’s as important as having that summoning spell.
Oddly, my town had the same legend but it was Mary Black. It’s the same as the Bloody Mary urban legend that they made an Urban Legendsequel about when people were all into folklore as slasher fodder in the 2000s.
My only criticism is that this ended way too soon. An entire movie of this would be a lot of fun.
Outer Reaches (2023): Directed and written by Karl Redgen, this is the story of two explorers trying to find a new home for the human race. Hargrave (Cam Beatty) and Nestor (Michael M. Foster) crash land on an isolated planet, they learn that the only thing there other than them are a swarm of sentient microorganisms. The air is breathable, but when Nestor gets them into his body, they must weigh the decision to leave. Is their own survival or the chance of spreading this virus going to happen?
The creature begins to speak through Nestor, telling Hargrave that if he wants his friend to live, he has to bring them into the universe so that they can have freedom after a thousand years. It’s an insidious virus that can even take on the voices inside Hargrave’s mind.
There are a lot of great ideas in this for such a short film. The effects are really good and the audio that finishes the film suggest that this isn’t over yet.
That’s Our Time (2023): Wow. Just wow. This movie floored me and I don’t want to give away the ending because it’s that great. It starts with Danny (Marque Richardson) finding that he’s unable to make a true connection with the people in his life. His therapist Dr. Miller (Debra Wilson, who is great in this and I didn’t even recognize her from Mad TV) attempts to show him that you must focus on the time you have left than the time you’ve already spent. But is it too late?
Directed by Alex Backes, who co-wrote it with Josh Callahan, this is a true surprise and perhaps the best short I’ve seen in a long time. I can’t wait to see what Backes does next.
The Cost of Flesh (2023): Alice is a totally paralyzed teenager and the only way that she can communicate with her brother and sister are through her eyes. That’s all we see in most of this film, just her eyes filling the screen and reflections of people within them. There’s an evil force causing this to happen, one that demands blood. Is her family willing to try and free her?
Directed by Tomas Palombi, who wrote the script with Flore Desbiens, this has such a cool look to it, shot in black and white and just remaining fixated on an uncomfortably close shot of an eyeball. We can hear the brother and sister, if barely see them, and otherwise can only hear the strained breathing of the teenager and the sound of thunder.
What a wild film and I can’t even imagine how terrifying the ending was to see on a big screen.
When Shadows Lay Darkest (2023): “It’s only a movie… it’s only a movie… it’s only a movie…” This film used that beloved language in its log line, as this is about a 1970s movie slasher terrorizing a real final girl from beyond her TV screen. It has to be difficult to go from yelling at dumb people in a slasher to suddenly being in their shoes.
There are some immeasurably inventive moments in this, as the TV itself is used to show what reality as become as The Shape-like character from the movie comes into our world. The real colors are replaced with the blues and reds of the horror universe, the synth music replaces any outside sound and then the TV goes black.
I saw and loved director and writer Jacob Leighton Burns’ film Shifter a few years ago, so it’s good to know that he’s still making movies. This is a triumph and one of the best put-together shorts I’ve seen in a long, long time.
Roger Is a Serial Killer (2023): A podcaster named Anne (Sara Paxton, The Innkeepers) believes that her stepfather Roger (Mark Reeb) is a serial killer. Or, well, maybe it’s better for her show Step-Killer if it’s Roger and not his business partner James (Chris Doubek), who planned all of their trips. Now Anne and Roger are worried that they’re about to be killed while her mom Carol (Barbara Crampton) excitedly says, “Tell her about your podcast!”
Director and writer Don Swaynos (who edited Chop and Steele) has put together a really intriguing film here, as Anne goes full Serial to tell the story of the Business Class Killer. It even has a Stamps.com ad.
As always, I love seeing Barbara Crampton in a movie and she’s great at the comedy in this. This is a total blast! Rest in peace to Reeb, who was also so good in this.
You can watch so many of the films at CFF by buying a pass on their website. I’ll be be posting reviews and articles over the next few days, as well as updating my Letterboxd list of watches.
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