Each October, the Unsung Horrors podcast does a month of themed movies. This year, they will once again host a fundraiser for Best Friends, which works to save the lives of cats and dogs across America, giving pets second chances and providing them with happy homes.
Today’s theme: Hail Satan
About the Author: Parker Simpson is a writer and podcaster focusing on cult films and their social impacts. They currently cohost Where Is My Mind, a podcast focusing on underappreciated films from a variety of genres and countries. They have also held panels, chartered local organizations, and written articles to their blog. When not writing or studying, they like to spend time with their pets and go outside. Check out the podcast Linktree and blog.
The 2010s are recent enough to not have the nostalgia and reappraisal periods prior decades seem to be having (maybe in the 2030s?), which is a damn shame. It could be my own youth giving me some bias, but the nostalgia of the low budget horror always strikes a strangely warm chord with me, be it the classic ghost story of We Are Still Here, the backwoods horror of Jug Face, the scarily well-aged commentary of Would You Rather, or the inexplicable stoner logic of Motivational Growth. All four are movies I reasonably recommend to this audience, knowing we all learn towards pre-2000s films.
Teen comedies, however? You couldn’t make me care less about those in any decade. They’re out of touch and usually not very bright. Even classics like Grease make me want to bang my head into the wall – I find them annoying. Don’t get me started on when they add some element of “someone has to lose their virginity” to propel the plot.
Somehow Teen Lust bridges these two categories, following a teenager trying to lose his virginity before a satanic cult can sacrifice him. That’s it. That’s all the movie does for 82 minutes. We go to crushes’ houses, to house parties, to brothels, even to best friends, all while our main character Neil is hunted down by the local cult his parents are in.
Based on premise alone you’d think this film is full of sex and violence; neither movie satanists nor horny teenagers have the reputation for being conservative with those kinds of things. Yet it’s nearly devoid of both, only coming up when absolutely necessary. What do we get in exchange for goat sacrifices and breasts? If you guessed the comedy of a rated R Disney movie you’d be correct! It’s not try hard edgy or vulgar, they just say “fuck” a lot as Neil struggles to socialize with others his age. Weirdly enough, it’s kind of charming; the edgiest it gets is a failed “fucking your best friend” joke (they could have gone a very different route in that particular scene, just saying), just our guy trying to do magic tricks and get laid so the world doesn’t end. The little things in life, really.
The decided lack of vulgarity combined with a reliance on comedy means most of this thing hinges on its performances. Thankfully, most everyone here does a pretty good job, even if they aren’t on the same page. Jesse Carere is a good lead, tasked with being the awkward teen; he’s a bit too handsome looking to truly sell the part, but still enjoyable to watch. Daryl Sabara (of Spy Kids fame) is his best friend, trying to find ways for Carere’s Neil to lose his virginity. They’re an enjoyable pair to watch, with a few particularly memorable lines exchanged (“I wouldn’t want me dying to be a source of guilt for you or anything” is a good example of the one-liners we’re working with). Annie Clark’s character is thrown in as a possible love interest; despite being introduced reasonably early on she doesn’t feel important until the very end, but that doesn’t stop her from being one of the more interesting characters. All three of them stand up reasonably to the cult, whose characterizations range from average people to your stereotypical satanists (thank you, Cary Elwes, for being insane in a wig, fake teeth, hunchback, and Kiss Everlasting French press-ons).
What stands out the most to me is this movie feels like it wants to say something about modern Christianity. When not sacrificing animals and people, the cult seems to cover a range of behaviors seen in different denominations, from small talk in the parlor before services, to discussing personal matters with the pastor (see above segway regarding Elwes), to hunting down followers at various houses. I grew up with ⅔ of those behaviors, and even today they don’t strike me as abnormal, just part of religious life. Could be average behavior of a shared community, could be someone on the writing crew growing up fundamentalist and trying to work it out. The finale goes far enough into parody that there’s likely not a concrete take-home message, but it was interesting to see the “normal” parts of Christianity in a movie like this.
If you like indie horror and want more, Teen Lust is worth your time. It’s short and doesn’t overstay its welcome, nor does it stretch out its premise. There just isn’t a lot going on outside of it, save for some funny performance and strange music choices. I would personally recommend to any Elwes fans who are intimidated by the tramp stamp poster – it’s not as bad as it looks, I promise.
