July 7-13 Teen Movie Hell Week: From the book description on the Bazillion Points website: All-seeing author Mike “McBeardo” McPadden (Heavy Metal Movies) passes righteous judgment over the entire (teen movie) genre, one boobs-and-boner opus at a time. In more than 350 reviews and sidebars, Teen Movie Hell lays the crucible of coming-of-age comedies bare, from party-hearty farces such as The Pom-Pom Girls, Up the Creek, and Fraternity Vacation to the extreme insanity exploding all over King Frat, Screwballs, The Party Animal, and Surf II: The End of the Trilogy.

Michael (Adam Silbar), Barry (Michael Zorek), Scotty (Johnny Timko) and Joey (Jeff Fishman, who is now in the band Survivor and did the score for Gregory Dark’s Carnal Crimes) are four guys at the beach just looking to lose their virginity. Yes, it’s another Lemon Popsicle, doing that thing way before Porky’s and American Pie.

Michael already has a girlfriend, Julie Ann (Jill Schoelen!) who won’t put out, so he’s scheming with his friends and wondering if he should cheat. Now, Barry does hook up with Monique Gabrielle, so perhaps he has a point. But I kind of think Schoelen is worth waiting for. Debi Richter from Cybor is also in this, as is Virgil Frye as “the porno man,” the store owner who sells the guys condoms. A biker in Easy Rider, a survivor in Xtro 3, the father of Sean Frye and Soleil Moon Frye.

This was directed by Jim Sotos, who also made Sweet Sixteen, Little Scams on Golf, The Last Victim (AKA Forced Entry) and The Super Weapon. His real name? Dimitri Sotirakis.

It was written by Larry Anderson and Pete Foldy, who is still working in Hollywood, producing the TV movie Get Rich or Die Trying and directing Love Unleashed.

A breakdance scene, Venice Beach travelogue footage, nude ladies running in slow motion to Vangelis’ “Chariots of Fire” and the songs “Hot Moves” and “Ladykiller” by the British New Wave of Heavy Metal band Raven, who called their sound athletic rock and like Oasis, had two Gallagher brothers. Their drummer, Rob “Wacko” Hunter, would wear hockey gear and face paint; he’d throw himself into his drums. Today, he’s an audio engineer on jazz albums for artists such as Harry Connick, Jr. and Branford Marsalis. Most of all, this is a movie about dudes trying to have an awkward ten seconds of sex and then apologizing after.

You can watch this on YouTube.