Cemetery Sisters (1987)

Leslie and Joan Stanton are sisters played by real life sisters Leslie and Joan Simon and they like to post video personal ads, marry financially stable men and murder them, all with the someday dream of owning their own mortuary business just like their father once had.

Then Aunt Ingrid shows up and screws everything up.

She’s played by director and writer Nick Millard’s wife Irmgard and she’s something else. She’s got a bag packed with lingerie and wants to be part of the singles scenes — and swap lovers maybe — with these two ladies. Except, you know, there are a lot of bodies.

This being a Nick Millard movie, you can be sure that it’s about an hour, that it’s padded with whole scenes from Criminally Insane and Satan’s Black Wedding, that it’s deranged and that it seems like hairbrushing scenes go on forever and then happen again. You can also be certain that this was made in his house and that it feels weird, the kind of weird that isn’t easily explainable and isn’t “fever dream” or “slow burn” but just plain strange and not to show off. The weird that feels earned.

Where are the Nick Millards of today, the people filming their wives as insane horny aunts and finding people to sit around their house being murderers who clean up crime scenes with so many rolls of paper towels?

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