I worry at times, will the Italian exploitation industry of the 1980s ever run out of wonders to make me delirious with? Is there a bottom to this well of movie drugs? Well, sure there is, but every time I think I can’t get that high ever again, I put on something like Patrick Still Lives and walk away dazed. Seriously, well done, Mario Landi, you absolute maniac.

Full warning: This is the same lunatic that made Giallo in Venice, so if you think that this is something you can put on to babysit your kids while you do something in the other room, by all means, show your kids a movie where a woman is assaulted by a telekinetic powered poker.

Also, this is totally an unauthorized sequel to the Australian film Patrick, which has no scenes where the wind picks up and a blonde nurse paws at herself in gynecological detail and really, isn’t it a worse movie for it?

“You Need to Know … This Time Patrick Will Kill You!”

Oh man, do I ever.

Gabriele Crisanti produced this movie, along with Giallo in Venice, Savage World Today, Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror and Satan’s Baby Doll. Like any good producer, he put his girlfriend in the film, Mariangela Giordano (she’s the Countess in Killer Barbys, as well as making appearances in The Sect, Decameron n° 4 – Le belle novelle del Boccaccio and many more movies). In both this movie and the aforementioned Giallo in Venice, Giordano dies in ways that would potentially upset even Lucio Fulci. She said later, “Looking back I shouldn’t have done them. But I was in love with Gabriele. I would have done anything for him. Now I can see how the increasingly gruesome ways he had me killed in them was a reflection of the breakdown in our own relationship. This movie is the worst instance of how shocked I was in retrospect by something I’d done on film. That poker scene is so disgusting, so terrible, only Gabriele could have sweet-talked me into actually doing it! It took two days to film that scene, and because the poker had to keep thrusting between my legs before it came out of the top of my head, it got more and more painful as we kept going. And it was cold and freezing. I don’t know why Gabriele always insisted on making these movies during winter.”

This movie has lots of J&B, a better car decapitation than Hereditary, green glowing eyes, women stripping in front of coma patients, strobing lights, more nudity than most pornography, a ridiculous plan, dogs eating people, a scalding, a hook to the neck, a health spa that looks like a foreboding castle, Patrick wearing a blonde wig and looking even more ridiculous than I thought he would, a rocking Goblin-esque score by Berto Pisano and an origin story that involves a beer bottle.

I wonder how the people who live in the mansion — Villa Parisi, Via Mondragone, Frascati, Metropolitan City of Rome — feel, knowing that this film, Blood for Dracula and Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror were made there. Surely that place has to be Amityville haunted.

You can get this from Severin.