Porky’s Pimpin’ Pee Wee (2009)

Porky’s was a big deal in the 80s, a time before easy access to pornography. Because while that movie is set in the 50s, it delivers on what it promises: female nudity and plenty of it.

And sure, in 1994 it seemed like it took ten minutes to download a photo online, but the hose of non-stop pulchritude that was able to be beamed directly into your home had already started to trickle.

And that’s when Lontano Investments purchased all the rights to Porky’s.

Seven years later, they still hadn’t made a movie.

That’s when they signed a deal with Mola Entertainment, who promised to make the movie for the price of 1.5% of the movie’s budget and option fees, as well as the opportunity to make a sequel as long as they made a movie within five years. Legal wrangled ensured and years went by with no movie, as the big stumbling block was that Lontano Investments demanded that the new Porky’s must have a $10 million dollar budget.

So eight years later, Mola decided to spend a million to make an ashcan — a film made just to satisfy the contract and retain their rights so that they could make the sequel and then make money there, which seems like a wild plan — by making Porky’s Pimpin’ Pee Wee.

And that’s when they brought on Brian Trenchard-Smith.

Yes, the same man who made Stunt RockTurkey Shoot and The Man from Hong Kong.

“I call it Young Republicans in Love. Think about it. These characters are all pretty vile. Sex-obsessed, narcissistic young people,” the director explained to Moviefone.

Yeah, that’s the same Brian Trenchard-Smith.

Hired four weeks before filming — which took place over 15 days on location in Canyon Country and at a studio in Simi Valley — the movie got made. But was it enough?

No one’s really sure.

Mola believed that they had fulfilled their obligations and retained rights to make another sequel. However, Lontano claimed that the film required that $10 million dollar budget.

In 2002, Howard Stern acquired the remake rights. 11 years later, the parties reached a confidential settlement and agreed to dismiss a claim and counterclaim with prejudice. The terms of the settlement remain confidential.

And we still don’t have a $10 million dollar budget version of Porky’s…even if we don’t need one.

Somehow, the movie we got is supposed to be a sequel to the original trilogy despite the fact that the last time we saw Pee Wee, Meat and Tommy was in 1954 and they haven’t aged a day in the last 55 years. Did they walk through a gap in the space-time continuum? Are they clones? Perhaps robots? The movie never tells us.

However, the movie — with one lone exception we’ll get into — this movie is the most sex-positive teen sex comedy I’ve seen in a long time as well as one of the filthiest. There’s not much outright copulation, but plenty of sex toys, filthy talk and even male genitals being shown in outline and grabbed, something that rarely happens in these films.

Also, the story revolves around Porky’s daughter breaking away from her father’s house of the rising sun and making her own modern brothel thanks to the three male characters, who need to make money after a party destroys a vase.

That’s right. A Risky Business by way of 80s sitcom plot for a movie that has deep throat incurred puking.

This is also a movie where no one is truly exploited and all of the sex work in bright and cheery and you know, more of that please. It truly does not judge anyone for their kinks or their needs or their ability to make money from their bodies until the end, when one of the “what happened to these characters” moments reveals that one got the clap — maybe this is the 50s — and points an arrow at who gave it to him, shaming a woman in the midst of so many characters that went through this guilt-free.

Anyways, this movie is much more interesting for the story of how it came to be than what it is. But I think you figured that out by now.

You can watch this on Tubi.

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