Christmas Spirit (2011)

Also known as A Christmas Puppy, this is yet another movie yawned forth from the hellscape of movies that are made by David DeCoteau. If you watched A Talking Cat!?! and were like, hey — I’d like him to make a Christmas movie, well, you already have Santa’s Summer House. But then if you want more, what kind of monster are you?

This is the first of DeCoteau’s Christmas movies, set in the same mansion where his homoerotic 1313 movie series is set.

Riley is charged with giving the Christmas Spirit to a family, so he does some breaking and entering and all manner of shenanigans ensue. There’s also a Christmas Spirit who wears a toga like she’s Vanna White in Goddess of Love who throws fortune cookies at Riley whenever he needs help.

Alexandra Paul — yes, the virgin Connie Swail from Dragnet — is in this, as is Maureen McCormick — yes, Marcia Brady — and Judy Landers — yes, Ms. Xenobia from Dr. Alien — as the voice of Chompie the dog.

While this movie was originally called A Christmas Puppy, the dog doesn’t show up until the end and really doesn’t have much to do with the film. That’s probably why the title was changed, because I could see lots of kids being sat down in front of this as a babysitter over the holidays and their poor soft skulls having to contend with the pure ridiculousness that is a David DeCoteau movie.

You can watch this for free on Amazon Prime. May the Lord be merciful to your soul.

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