Satan’s Mistress (shot in 1980, released in 1982)

I was watching Amazon Prime the other night and thought I was watching Demon Seed with Julie Christie. Nope. I was really watching this film. I thought with the end of the rental era that box art would never confuse me again! I was wrong!

Lana (Lana Wood, elder sister of Natalie, who is better known as Plenty O’Toole from Diamonds Are Forever) is in a loveless marriage with Carl (Don Galloway, Detective Sergeant Ed Brown on TV’s Ironside). He treats her like absolute shit, as most 70’s husbands tend to do in occult movies.

So she does what you or I would do: she starts fucking Satan.

This movie is basically an excuse to get Lana Wood naked and having sex with an invisible demon. That demon eventually becomes a man played by Kabir Bedi, Gobinda from another James Bond movie, Octopussy.

A quick story from my childhood — I used to love how at the end of movies, it’d say, James Bond will return in… I was watching For Your Eyes Only on HBO while the rest of my family was outside. At pure excitement and mania, I ran as hard as I could for the porch to tell them all that James Bond was coming back (I hadn’t yet grasped the fact that everyone already knew that Bond had a movie every two years, but come on, I was nine). The problem was that my sentence, “JAMES BOND WILL RETURN IN Octopussy!” started inside and when I got outside, all anyone heard was “PUSSY!” Suffice to say I got smacked in the mouth pretty hard, as kids tended to get smacked a lot in the early 1980’s.

Britt Ecklund from Asylum and The Wicker Man also shows up as the psychic friend of Lana, Ann-Marie. She’s barely in it, looks great and gets top billing.

Later in the film, Anne-Marie introduces Lana’s husband to the priest that comes to talk to her psychic group — it was the late 70’s/early 80’s and again, these things happened — and I was thinking, man, this priest role is perfect for Joh Carradine. At that very moment, the priest turns to the camera to reveal good old skinny Dracula himself!

Also known as Dark RageDemon EyesFury of the Succubus and Incubus, this movie is pretty much The Entity if the sex was consensual. And enjoyed. And more graphic. And happened more often.

I’m basically telling you that if you love movies about possession and demons having sex with attractive former Bond girls, this is pretty much the movie for you.

Writer/director James Polakof brought over several folks from this movie to make Swim Team, which also has original Buck Rogers/Flash Gordon Buster Crabbe in it. So there’s that. And he also did The Vals, a Valley Girl rip-off with Chuck Connors, Sonny Bonny, John Carradine and Tiffany Bolling in it. Of course, you know I’m going to track that down now.

 

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