Tag Archives: 2022

TUBI ORIGINAL: Hot Take: The Depp/Heard Trial (2022)

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It makes my heart a little happy that Tubi is leaning in on being the National Enquirer of streaming TV, literally racing this starnge Rashomon take on the very recent Depp vs. Heard trial. This is absolute junk food television that I have devoured every single overly sugary bite of.

The 70s and 80s were a magical time when pre-multi streaming channel and internet and social media we waited for TV movies to deliver the proper take on a public scandal. That’s why this film made me so happy, as it continues this sleazy tradition.

Mark Hapka is Depp and he may look more like Mark-Paul Gosselaar than who he is supposed to be, but he also has the benefit of Johnny’s weird drawl and young Steven Tyle sartorial choices. Not that Megan Davis is a dead ringer for Amber Heard either, but the film really is wild because of how it lets them break the fourth wall and speak directly to us, the audience, who need to know the truth even though we’ve already made up our minds and probably realize that this is all bread and circuses meant to distract us from the fact that our planet has about five good years left.

There’s a long limo scene here where Rob, Depp’s security guard and lifesaver, brings him a tuna fish and corn sandwich, a meal that reminds the man who was once and will be again Jack Sparrow of the only good parts of his childhood. Rob is a magical figure who Depp gives an island to. He is also not a real person but someone made for this movie, so I want a sequel where Rob benevolently rules over his island only to have Johnny come and want it back.

Director Sarah Lohman has mostly worked in shorts and episodic TV while writer Guy Nicolucci has written for Conan O’Brien, Comedy Central’s roasts and The Daily Show. That should give you an idea of the direction of this, as it cuts to influencers and vloggers their feelings on the trial, creating a Greek chorus of the public reactions to this event.

Yes, a finger is cut off. Yes, a bed is shat upon. No, it’s not as bad as it could be. I love reading people saying, “Why does this exist” and “No one wants this,” yet they make the effort to post about it. Yes, plenty of people are going to watch this even if they won’t admit it. That’s why they call it exploitation.

You can watch this on Tubi.

FANTASTIC FEST 2022: Fantastic Shorts

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Feast your eyes and ears on this eclectic smorgasbord of the year’s finest fantastic shorts!

The Coupon (2021): Wendy (director Laura Seay) gave her husband (writer Micah Cohen) a silly coupon book for his birthday, including a get one oral favor free offer. You never cash in these coupons. But when he runs over a man (Adam J. Harrington) and doesn’t want to report it to insurance, he ends up giving him all the money in his wallet, as well as the coupon and a ride to the hospital. Now, the coupon has come back to be collected.

This is a movie that takes a simple idea and delivers it flawlessly. I had a blast with this one, as even though you can see the punchline coming, it’s still so well told.

The Diamond (2022): No matter what, Stefan can’t make friends. Perhaps it’s because he tries too hard. Or maybe he’s dangerous to everyone around him. One day, he finds a diamond in the woods and yet can’t reach it. Later at the doctor’s office, he meets a miniature man and actually becomes friends with him. However, he must use him to get what he really wants, that diamond. Or maybe he can actually make a friend this time.

Director Vedran Rupic and writer Gustav Sundström have created a world where a man tries to wear fake herpes sores to try to win people over to the embrace of his friendship. And the end of this movie, the moral and the choir and the…look, don’t let me ruin it. This short is beyond perfect.

Last Seen (2021): Nathan Ginter directed and star Chris Jensen wrote this story of Devon, whose sister has gone missing, his relationship with his mother has deteriorated and struggles have started with his lifeguard job. However, the only good thing in his life are the sea monkeys that his sister left behind. As you can tell from the description, this is a dark movie about those left behind when others disappear.

Ginter and Jensen may not have done much yet, but this short points at their ability to do so much. This made me think about the people in my life and what their loss would feel like. This isn’t a feel good movie, other than to feel great about the talent that made it.

A Man Trembles (2021): Directed and written by Mark Chua and Li Shuen Lam, A Man Trembles takes place in 1998 Singapore during the peak of the Asian Financial Crisis. A man and his family spend their final day on Earth at Sentosa island, a place where he comes to confront what is in-between salvation and terror.

In case you never heard of this island — I hadn’t — Sentosa is Asia’s leading leisure destination and Singapore’s premier island resort getaway, a 500-hectare island resort home to an exciting array of themed attractions, award-winning spa retreats, lush rainforests, golden sandy beaches, resort accommodations, world-renowned golf courses, a deep-water yachting marina and luxurious residences.

Let me tell you: the end of this is harrowing. Well done.

Phlegm (2021): Directed and written by Han-David Bolt, Phlegm reminds me of Jamie Thraves’ video for Radiohead’s “Just.” Pascal Ulli plays a man walking to work that ends up stepping on a snail, wiping off his shoe and then stepping directly onto another snail until the sticky material all over him just weighs him down and forces him into the ground. As the camera pulls back, it’s revealed that he is not the only person to have undergone this disgusting and horrible trial.

It feels as if this is every day when I had to walk to work, the feeling of not even wanting to enter the building, every step bringing me closer to a destructive experience that tore away at my soul, forced to be around fake faceless emotionless ciphers of not even human beings. No snails though.

Three Meetings of the Extraordinary Committee (2021): Directed and written by Jones, the filmmaking project of Michael Woodward and Max Barron, this black and white film finds itself in the small farming village of Dobre where the citizens are about to vote for a mythical creature. The film looks at the political and religious views of a town that is not in our country or even our world and yet shows us how ridiculous voting and the process of people trying to figure out how to do the best will of all is a fool’s mission. However, this film looks absolutely gorgeous as it tells its tale.

I liked the old religious figure most of everyone, as he is literally non-plussed at having to discuss religion with someone so below his caste.

Wild Card (2022): Daniel (Billy Flynn) and Toni (Tipper Newton, who directed and wrote this short) have been matched by a video dating service that feels inspired by the Found Footage Festival Videomate videos. The date is awkward, as every time Daniel seems to impress Toni or gain ground, she tears him down, builds him up and then cuts him down all again, sometimes in the same moment.

So how does he make it back to her place? And if he’s the first date from the service she’s been on, why are there so many videotapes everywhere? And who is that threatening her on the answering machine?

Wild Card gets exciting right when it ends, right at the moment that it has been teasing and it demands that you watch more. I loved it and it got me — so please, give us that second date.

I was struck by just how much it gets right from the neo-giallo erotic thriller look of the 90s and how much I want even more of this.

THE IMPORTANT CINEMA CLUB’S SUPER SCARY MOVIE CHALLENGE DAY 4: House Squatch (2022)

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DAY 4: A Horror Film Released by SRS Cinema.

Directed by Anthony and Mark Polonia from a script by Mark and Aaron Drake, this movie takes place in Shadyville, which has a new resident, the House Squatch, which is, well, squatting in a home that’s for sale. That means that a real estate firm is going to use their money-based power to strong arm the police into sending the creature back to where he came.

Just so you know, Pennsylvania contains multitudes. So while this and Suburban Sasquatch were both shot in my home state, Wellsboro and West Chester are 194 miles apart. Somehow, both of these movies have a Bigfoot that has interdimensional powers that operates in the non-urban neighborhoods of the Keystone State.

So we end up with a sheriff (Ken Van Sant) and a Sasquatch hunter (Jeff Kirkendall) searching the cul de sacs of a small town hunting for the hairy ape that is bedeviling them all. Hopefully that laser gun will come in handy.

The Polonias said that this movie was “the first in our series of “House” meets “Monster” themed movies follow our hugely successful House Shark.” I can’t wait to see what weirdness they figure out next.

You can get this from SRS or watch it on Tubi.

Croc! (2022)

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Lisa is getting excited for her wedding, gathering her friends and family for the big day. There are uninvited guests, however: a nest of hungry crocodiles that have no problem crashing her dream day.

Directed and written by Paul W. Franklin, this movie has one great scene where a wedding guest and the priest have a long discussion on why God would allow crocodiles to rampage in the British countryside and kill good people. This is soon followed by the vicar being gorily devoured by said crocs within seconds.

This all could have been avoided if Lisa’s husband-to-be, Charlie, had just told everyone that watched these reptiles chow down on a bridesmaid named Georgia. Of course, he was just inside her, so maybe he wants to keep things a secret.

Luckily, Lisa’s dad is a wildlife expert and he’s passed his skills down to her.

This movie is ridiculous and I mean that in a nice way. There are just times that you want to watch crocodiles chomp down on the entire wedding party and this delivers exactly that. Man, everyone is losing the deposit on their tux rentals.

Of course the bride fights in her wedding dress.

Croc! is available on digital and DVD from Uncork’d Entertainment

Phantom Project (2022)

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Pablo (Juan Cano) dreams of being an actor but until that happens, he’s paying the bills doing the only acting role he can find, playing a patient that medical school students can practice on, as well as taking part as a paid member of alternative therapy sessions.

Much of this movie — well, maybe not the ghost but who knows — comes from the life of Chilean filmmaker and screenwriter Roberto Doveri, whose friends make up much of the cast.

Pablo had been just surviving when his roommate leaves, which leaves behind back rent, some clothes, lots of plants, a dog and, yes, that ghost that we see entangle itself in everyone’s life by way of incredibly effective animation.

Your mileage may vary on this as it’s talky and meandering, but then again, a ghost has sex with a guy and you don’t see that all that often, so it is something.

Phantom Project is in select theaters October 4 and VOD and DVD October 25 from Dark Star Pictures.

FANTASTIC FEST 2022: Magic Spot (2022)

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This is the fourth Motern Media movie I’ve watched this week and just might be my favorite. There are so many stories in here all working together toward one conclusion, but this is a mixture of lost love, family tragedy, musical comedy, science fiction and just plain good old fashioned weirdness all mixed up and made into something just about perfect.

This time, we’re in Tussleville, a place where Walter Moore (Matt Farley) hosts a singing show that’s always live, never taped, and has an upcoming appearance by the girl who got away, Alyssa Caitlyn Pouliot (Elizabeth M. Peterson). Meanwhile, Walter and his cousin Poopy (Chris Peterson) — a grown man who walks around with a blanket — learn that Uncle Dan (Kevin McGee), the man whose ghost visited them throughout their childhoods and made them learn the rules of the Magic Spot may still be saved from his place outside of time and given a chance at heaven. The secret? You have to use the Magic Spot in winter because your body needs to acclimate to this dimension’s temperature as when they are an observer in the Magic Spot, they grow beyond cold. This is why Uncle Dan somehow died of hyperthermia in the summertime.

Walter wants to also use the Magic Spot to remember what Alyssa wore the last time they went on a date two years ago, a condition she’s given if he ever wants to woo her again. Maybe it’s cheating using the Magic Spot to see her in the past, but maybe we should also forgive someone in love.

Most time travel movies upset me because they set up a logic and then step all over that logic. In Magic Spot, Farley and Charles Roxburgh have created a movie that works on whatever level you want to watch it: as a Motern Media fan, as a lover of indie film, as someone looking for a romantic comedy, as a time travel story and so on. It’s also got some of the best songs I’ve heard in their movies.

I don’t want to spoil the ending, but I have no problem admitting that I cried. I love that this movie could do that to me as well as the fact that it celebrates analog moments. A TV show that only airs live, a place that allows you to silently view the past, a band that plays in the woods only for themselves, all of these things celebrate the moments in life that reward us without being captured for anyone else.

Whatever these guys make, I’m here for it.

Magic Spot is playing as part of the Burnt Ends part of Fantastic Fest. This is part of Molten Media, which has produced independent feature films since the late 1990s. According to Fantastic Fest, “the idiosyncratic cinema of Charles Roxburgh and Matt Farley pay homage to the regional low budget horror films of the late 1970s and early 1980s as they unravel bizarre tales set in and around lightly-fictionalized small New England towns. Akin to the manner in which John Waters and Kevin Smith cultivated their cult universes out of tight-knit communities of vivid personalities, Charlie and Farley’s films imagine a unique portrait of Americana as they recruit an eccentric ensemble of folksy friends and family to endearingly perform the offbeat vernaculars and campy melodrama of their wittily verbose scripts.”

Fantastic Fest Burnt Ends has awarded the filmmakers with the first annual Golden Spatula in recognition of their creative spirit, and a partial retrospective of their inventive catalog which includes Local Legends and Metal Detector Maniac as well as more contemporary works which pursue a distinct, but just as wonderfully eclectic and wry comic sensibility.

You can get a virtual badge here.

SHUDDER EXCLUSIVE: Deadstream (2022)

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Shawn Ruddy (Joseph Winter, who also co-directed and co-write this with Vanessa Winter) is a disgraced internet streamer and influencer infamous for stunts like the Baby Moses challenge, in which he goes down a river in a basket, and the video that got him in trouble as he abuses a homeless person. To win back his fans, he has decided to go one on one with his greatest fear: ghosts.

I’ve gone on record about how much I hate found footage movies, but this just works. I love all the extra jokes that come across from the fans watching the live stream as well as how absolutely wild it all gets, with Winter enduring near-Bruce Campbell levels of abusive stuntwork. He’s joined by one of his fans Chrissy (Melaine Stone), who gets to see her idol pretty much act like a frightened child for the rest of the film.

An actual haunted house in Utah was used to recreate the cursed home of suicide victim poet Mildred Pratt which his new sponsors tell him is the most haunted place in all of America. Of course Shawn never really stops being a jerk and angers the spirit of Pratt, leading to him running through room after room filled with so many intense terrors.

Seriously, between all the jump scares and Twitch stream camera I should hate every minute of this, but that should tell you how good it is. No other horror movie this year has actually frightened me — while also making me laugh out loud — more than this movie. In spite of having bits of everything I usually hate, Deadstream is so good that it has my highest recommendation.

FANTASTIC FEST 2022: Nothing (2022)

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Based on the Danish young adult novel by Janne Teller, Nothing may be the best movie I saw at Fantastic Fest and was definitely the darkest.

A young boy named Pierre Anthon (Harald Kaiser Hermann) has seen the inherent purposelessness of life and decided to climb a tree and stay up there like Zacchaeus or a prepubescent Simon of the Desert. His friends are concerned about him and try to get him to climb down. Some throw rocks. He stays there.

Led by Agnes (Vivelill Søgaard Holm), the schoolchildren still want to prove him wrong, so they gather a heap of meaning, each offering sacrifices with deep personal meaning. It starts with typical teenage things but soon the sacrifices grow dark and even murderous.

Much like Kids or Peanuts — truly the only time both have been used in a comparison — parents aren’t there. It’s these kids building a monument to something, anything, facing the idea we all must that the world is not safe and no one can protect us.

Directed by Trine Piil Christensen — who also wrote this movie — and Seamus McNally, Nothing makes me wonder how much I really want kids because when they get this old, how will I talk them out of doing something like this? I figure my kid will be the one up in the tree, but let’s be serious. He, she or they will be the one down in the basement watching slashers with us.

Nothing is playing at Fantastic Fest.

You can get a virtual badge here.

FANTASTIC FEST 2022: Shorts With Legs

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Fantastic Fest’s patented bipedal program of short-subject cinema that buck conventions and blur boundaries of genre, aesthetics and taste returns with a barrage of provocative peculiarities. Expect the unexpected, but prepare for an array of unique sensibilities — from the polished to the anarchic — as absurdism and experimentation abound and silliness co-mingles with severity.

Alegrías Riojanas (2022): Experimental filmmaker Velasco Broca has created a short where an ophthalmologist has his urgent need for a confession interrupted when the priest leaves. Growing tired of waiting, he returns to his office and is killed by a car. Then, his soul travels through a purgatory populated by horrifying demons and devils. Where will his journey take him?

This movie is at once frightening and gorgeous. It’s unlike anything else I saw at Fantastic Fest.

Amor to Love (2022): Taco Bell’s new Grilled Stuft Corazon-a-rito. They say it has three layers of cheesy admiration and sizzling hot passionate ground beef all grilled to deep perfection. Yes, somehow, this was a film made for Taco Bell, but you know, as much as I hate corporations I for some reason I give a pass to Taco Bell. I mean, bean burritos. They’ve been a staple in my diet since I was a child, which is possibly why I’m so fat and fart so often. Also: this movie was fun. You can learn more at the official site.

The Breakdown Parables (2021): Directed and written by Emil Benjamin, this tells the story of a purgatory casting office, as the receptionist (Maria DeCotis) sees appointment after appointment. Through five stories, the actors within the waiting room experience a variety of human emotions as well as baring their truest self; anything in the pursuit of that big part, right? Does the receptionist have dreams of her own? Can anyone be friends in the business of show? Will this all end with a musical number? Is heaven real? Man, that’s a lot of questions. This answers at least a few of them. I certainly had no expectations of this, but if I did, they would have been exceeded. You can learn more at the official site.

From Water Comes Melon (2022): Micah Vassau directed and wrote this tale of the last watermelon on Earth. A young woman discovers it and must decide whether to keep it for herself or share it with the rest of what’s left of humanity. Also, rampant nudity for some reason. I never thought I’d watch a movie about post-apocalyptic watermelons appearing on a beach, but life is incredibly odd and I love that.

Hubbards (2021): There’s a guy who digs every day in a quest to find his brother’s bones. When he needs the sustenance it takes to excavate sibling skeleton parts in the dusty sand and dirt, well, he turns to Hubbards. You may as well. This was a four-part journey into weirdness that I enjoyed and wouldn’t mind watching again.

I Dreamed I Heard a Song Called Habibi (2022): An experimental mixed-media vibe that ruminates on technology, theater and transformation set to a soundscape by Your 33 Black Angels and directed by Benji Kast. It’s Psychedelic Baby Magazine referred to the music of this band as “Part XTC, part New Order, part VU; like Galaxie 500 being beaten up by Kraftwerk and the Wu-Tang Clan.” This animation was pretty wild. Check it out:

Precautionary Measure (2021): Created by Lizzy Deacon and Ika Schwander, this tells the story of Helen, who wins a life coaching session in a raffle at her local village hall. What follows is her life coach Helen guiding her through the help she never really needed. Together, they will explore healing strategies to cope with fear, rejection and grief. Maybe they’ll help one another. Maybe it’ll be a mess. They say the unexamined life is not worth living, but who are they anyway?

The Straight Ball (2022): Eugene Kotlyarenko and Nate Wilson made this story about a date that’s filled with information as it falls to pieces. It kind of gave me PTSD, reminding me that I’m really lucky that I’m inside on a cold Sunday night with my wife and not failing to connect with any other person. For that, this movie has made me very thankful.

FANTASTIC FEST 2022: Brutal Season (2022)

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In the Trout family kitchen in Redhook, Brooklyn on one day in 1948, father is seeking a new job and Junior returns home after being gone for twelve years. Seems normal, but things spiral out of control. I didn’t expect to watch an Americana play dealing with poverty and family regret at Fantastic Fest but here we are. Director and writer Gavin Field has constructed a story of a family with nothing except debt, guilt, alcoholism and painful memories.

It’s intriguing that this is basically a stage performance being filmed, all set within one hot summer kitchen, a place where all the family can do is look out onto the harbor and just stew, ready to explode in rage or howl with sadness at any second…or just sit there, trapped in ennui and silence. It’s no summer blockbuster but in no way does it intend to be. This is film with a mission of emotion, storytelling and showing how a story can be built within one setting and a singular family.

Brutal Season is playing at Fantastic Fest as part of the Burnt Ends selections.

You can get a virtual badge here. You can learn more on the official site.