The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: The Immoral Three (1975)

Doris Wishman week (July 21 – 27) Doris made the loopiest of movies. A self-proclaimed prude who made nudist camp movies, her filmography is filled with contradictions. When she tried to be mean spirited with something like Bad Girls Go To Hell there was always an undercurrent of silliness and fun, but when she tried to be silly and fun in things like Keyholes Are For Peeping there was an underlying seediness and grime that couldn’t be wiped off. It’s hard not to love her!  

There is a Doris Wishman cinematic universe. This is the sequel to Double Agent 73, as Jane Genet (Chesty Morgan, who didn’t come back for this, as she upset Wishman when she cost her a full shooting day the last time they worked together; in her brief moment in the film she’s played by Cindy Boudreau) has died after being strangled while she was sunbathing and her three daughters — who had no idea each other existed — are brought together for the reading of the will by John Erikson (Robert S. Barba).

Ginny (also Boudreau), Sandy (Sandra Kay) and Nancy (Michele Marie) are charged by the will to get revenge for the death of their mother. If they kill her killer — killers? — in a year, they each get $1 million dollars. If one of them dies, they each get $1.5 million and, well, you can do the math if only one survives. If they all die, Erikson gets the money.

Is this a giallo? Holy shit, yes. There’s a black gloved killer on the loose!

There are four suspects for who the killer could be. All four of these men could also be any of their fathers. But before we get to all that story, Kay decides to fellate a banana in front of a gardener, then do the same to him while we see her banana-loving face superimposed over his. It’s mind-numbing in the way all Wishman’s movies can be and it’s just getting started.

Is Doris Wishman the American Jess Franco? Both have a banana lovemaking scene in their films. Or is she the American Bruno Mattei? Both have no issues just outright taking shots from other movies.

Sandy gets attacked by a grocery boy and Ginny makes love in an elevator for no reason other than the fact that she’s a character is a Wishman movie. Everyone has their feet focused on, slow moving on thick shag carpet or rolling in bed. Ginny does all the heavy lifting, heading off to Vegas and New York City, while the others stay in Fresno, but hey — Sandy has an “On Shit” belt buckle, so who are we to deny her lack of need to move this movie forward?

 

Written by Judy J. Kushner (who also wrote the first two movies in this series, Deadly Weapons and Double Agent 73) and Robert Jahn (The Yum Yum Girls, Bloodrage), this is one of the most deranged movie I’ve ever seen and imagine the ground that covers. The whole thing ends like Shakespeare and by that I mean — spoiler warning — everyone dies, but not before you find the real dad, you get declarations of love and Doris’ apartment plays Munich.

You can watch this on Cultpix.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Satan Was a Lady (1975)

Doris Wishman week (July 21 – 27) Doris made the loopiest of movies. A self-proclaimed prude who made nudist camp movies, her filmography is filled with contradictions. When she tried to be mean spirited with something like Bad Girls Go To Hell there was always an undercurrent of silliness and fun, but when she tried to be silly and fun in things like Keyholes Are For Peeping there was an underlying seediness and grime that couldn’t be wiped off. It’s hard not to love her!  

After years of softcore, Doris Wishman directed two hardcore pornographic features. We already covered Come With Me, My Love and Wishman directed another movie — this one — with that film’s star, Annie Sprinkle. Wishman made more films than any other female director of the sound era and she didn’t really enjoy making hardcore; she denied these movies for years.

Claudia (Bree Anthony, also known as Gloria Hadott, Lauri Suesan, Bree Anthony Fredericks, B. Anthony Fredericks and Sue Richards, the name she used as the editor of High Society) and Victor (Tony Richards, the Tweedledee to Anthony’s Tweedledum in Bud Townsend’s Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy) are engaged, but that won’t stop her sister Terry (Sprinkle) from sleeping with her sister’s fiancee. He’s not exactly innocent, as he’s also sleeping with C.J. Laing — and who would blame him? — while Terry’s mother and Claudia’s stepmother Ada (Sandy Foxx, who also used the alter egos Diana Ames, L’il Annie, Sandy Morelli and Sandy Sludge; she was married to director Lawrence T. Cole) is ready to cheat everyone out of their inheritance.

The inner voices of the sisters comes from Wishman; this also has an ending — spoilers! — where Terry gets Victor a poisoned glass of water, putting Claudia into shock for the rest of her life. Who in the raincoats on 42nd Street realized they were watching Wishman cover Diabolique?

Also: none of the bodies in this movie look like women in adult today and Annie Sprinkle to this day remains as wild and incredible as she was then.

CBS LATE MOVIE MONTH: The Devil’s Rain! (1975)

EDITOR’S NOTE: The Devil’s Rain was on the CBS Late Movie on November 2, 1979, August 13, and October 24, 1980.

The Devil’s Rain! is a movie that could only have been made in 1975. It united old Hollywood royalty, television stars, the visionary director of The Abominable Dr. Phibes and the Church of Satan in the Mexican desert.

It is not a perfect movie. You can’t even say that it has plot holes, as that would require something of a coherent plot — a fact director Robert Fuest was all too aware of. On the sparkling commentary track that accompanies the new Blu-ray release from Severin (picked up from the Dark Sky DVD release), he speaks about discussions with the writers (Gabe Essoe, James Ashton and Gerald Hopman, whose only credit is co-producing Evilspeak, so one assumes that he is Satan) where they assured him that the script made perfect sense. While Fuest claims that he did what he could to clear up his issues with the film, a movie that effectively decimated his promising directorial career emerged.

But you know what? I embrace plot holes the way some critics hold dearly onto their Criterion collection films and back issues of Premiere. There’s no way I can be objective about The Devil’s Rain! The only box it doesn’t check for me is a disclaimer stating that it’s based on a true story.

The film begins with close-ups of Bosch’s painting The Garden of Earthly Delights, along with the wails of the damned as they gnash their teeth in Hell. Then, we’re dropped into the lives of the Preston family, who have suffered under a curse for hundreds of years.

Turns out that at some point in the 18th century, the family screwed over Jonathan Corbis (Ernest Borgnine, Escape from New York), a Satanist who was eventually burned at the stake. He had a book containing the souls of all he had damned, which was stolen by Martin Fyfe (William Shatner, who I don’t need to tell you anything else about). Before he dies, Corbis vows revenge on the Fyfe family, which changes its name to Preston. He’s been stealing them one by one, selling their souls to Satan and trapping them in the devil’s rain. They then become living wax figures with melting eyes and black robes.

That’s how we meet Steve Preston, the leader of the family, who has escaped Corbis to warn his wife  (Ida Lupino, an actress (and director) known for noir classics like The Bigamist and On Dangerous Ground. She often referred to herself as the poor man’s Bette Davis, as she was usually offered the parts that Davis had turned down. She refused those parts so many times that Warner Brothers suspended her, so she used that time to learn the craft of directing on set. As roles for her slowed, she became the second female director admitted to the Director’s Guild, following Dorothy Arzner, the sole woman director of Hollywood’s “Golden Age.”) and son, Mark (also Shatner). As the old man tells them to return the Book of Souls, he melts in the rain.

So what does Mark do? He takes the book directly to Corbis, challenging him to a battle of faith in the desert. That battle quickly turns into Mark trying to escape, but Corbis’ disciples are too much for him. He shows a cross to the priest, who transforms it into a snake before using a ritual to erase Mark’s memory in preparation for a major ceremony.

Oh, the 1970s — when your main character gets wiped out minutes into a movie because he has to leave town for a three-day Star Trek convention in New York. That really happened, and I have no idea if that was why Shatner went from hero to geek in such record time.

Mark’s older brother Tom (Tom Skerritt, Alien) and his wife, Julie, must save the day. Oh yeah — they also have Dr. Sam Richards (Eddie Albert from TV’s Green Acres) along for the ride, as he’s a psychic researcher.

Finding Corbis’ church, Mark watches the ceremony that converts his brother into a wax follower. Anton LaVey shows up under a hood, and Corbis turns into a goat, which is an event that sent me scrambling through our living room in a paroxysm of glee. The Severin release also contains interviews with the Church of Satan’s High Priest Peter H. Gilmore, High Priestess Peggy Nadramia and LaVey’s wife and biographer Blanche Barton, all of whom share anecdotes of the Black Pope’s time on the set (indeed, it seems to be a madcap time by studying the photos they show, with LaVey in a jaunty leather cap smiling like a child on Walpurgisnacht) and input on the film. He’s nearly caught but also discovers that the source of Corbis’ power is the devil’s rain, a glass bottle containing the souls that the priest has captured.

But wait — if he has the devil’s rain, why did he need the book? If he came back to life, why does he need revenge? Look — perhaps these questions will derail your enjoyment of The Devil’s Rain! But not me.

During the final battle — the film moves incredibly fast, making ninety minutes feel like half an hour — the devil’s rain is destroyed by Mark, who finds his lost humanity. Then, it starts to rain.

I love how the advertising for this film states that this is “absolutely the most incredible ending of any motion picture ever!” They aren’t lying. Corbis and his followers melt for nearly ten minutes of special effects, turning into piles of goop. It’s over the top and ridiculous and extraneous and totally awesome. I use This kind of scene to determine if I can be friends with someone. If you dismiss it, you’ll never share a beer with me.

Producer Sandy Howard (who also was responsible for MeteorBlue Monkey and the A Man Called Horse series) based his whole ad campaign around the end of the film, so he took over the final cut to ensure that this sequence would last and last.

Tom and his wife — whose ESP is the sole reason we can see the flashbacks to know why Corbis is doing what he does — make it out alive, but as he embraces his wife, we see that he’s really hugging Ernest Borgnine! Where’s his wife? Trapped in the devil’s rain, in a scene that comes back at the end of the credits that is harrowing as she looks out into the darkness with no hope.

Is The Devil’s Rain! a good movie? Well, that depends on your perspective. Despite the flimsy plot, Fuest succeeds at delivering plenty of pure weirdness and gorgeous visuals. And there’s so much talent on the screen — I didn’t even mention that this is one of John Travolta’s first films and that Keenan Wynn (Piranha, Laserblast) shows up as the sheriff.

Plus, like all 70’s occult movies, plenty of legends are behind the film. Like Ernest Borgnine claiming that there were so many accidents on set that he’d never work on a Satanic fmovieagain. Or he was saying that the Mafia produced the film and that he was never paid. Cinefantastique magazine even wrote that Fuest had suffered a nervous breakdown during the making of the movie, a fact he disputes on the commentary track. And LaVey claimed that he did a special success ritual for Travolta.

PS – Here’s the link to a June 1975 Argosy interview with LaVey during the filming of The Devil’s Rain! where he discusses buying the panties of “MGM’s most famous stars- from Greer Garson to Liz Taylor – with the labels still on them,” being minimized on movie sets and Ernest Borgnine accepting an honorary priesthood.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Satan’s Children (1975)

Bleeding Skull’s Top 50 (July 7 – 13) The middle-brow champions of low-brow horror, Bleeding Skull has picked out some of their favorites from the SWV catalog. They neglected to put I Drink Your Blood or EEGAH! on the list, but I think I can forgive them since they included Ship of Monsters

Runaway teen Bobby Douglas (Stephen White, Gas-s-s-s) is given shelter by a cult of Satanists, but both his presence and questionable sexuality leads to conflicts within the group.

To be fair before we begin — The Church of Satan statement on homosexuality is that they “fully accept all forms of human sexual expression between consenting adults. The Church of Satan has always accepted gay, lesbian, bisexual and asexual members since its beginning in 1966. This is addressed in the chapter “Satanic Sex” in The Satanic Bible by Anton Szandor LaVey.”

Made by filmmakers from the gutters of Tampa on short ends as AGFA tells it — Joe Wiezycki also made the movie Willy’s Gone — Satan’s Children was made with students from the University of South Florida drama department.

Bobby escapes his father’s insults and his stepsister’s sexual suggestions — you thought incest only happened like this via Pornhub — to unknowingly end up at a gay bar. All the horror stories from Cruising are true — he’s soon having a train run on him in the grimy backseat of a car against his will. Yep, they drive all around while yelling things as they roger him, then leave him face down and ass up in a field.

So what would you do? Well, if you’re Bobby, you’d join a Satanic coven and get your revenge. After all, Florida may be the home of Disney resorts, but it’s also the birthplace of bands like Nasty Savage, Marilyn Manson, the Genitorturers, Deicide and, well, Creed.

Everybody in this movie is too sweaty, too pale and too frightening to behold. This is all you need to know of Florida to beware of its darkness. The gay bars even look like a diner and not any place that I’d imagine them to appear like. Every scenario here is concrete block and wood-paneled, covered in years of filth, dust and scum.

The first time I saw legit non-Playboy VHS porn was a movie that later research would tell me was 1984’s I Like to Watch with Lisa De Leeuw, Mike Horner, Herschel Savage and Bridgette Monet. It was upsetting. The people looked too strange, too slovenly, too unsexy — exactly the opposite that I thought porn would be.

This movie brought back that queasy feeling, which kind of made me nostalgically happy for films that can still upset me. It’s wonderful to know that that can still happen.

You can watch this for on Tubi.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: The Legend of McCullough’s Mountain (1975)

Bleeding Skull’s Top 50 (July 7 – 13) The middle-brow champions of low-brow horror, Bleeding Skull has picked out some of their favorites from the SWV catalog. They neglected to put I Drink Your Blood or EEGAH! on the list, but I think I can forgive them since they included Ship of Monsters

In 1965, director Massey Cramer and writer Bob Corley made The Legend of Blood Mountain. It’s a comedy about reporter Bestoink Dooley (George Ellis), who comes to Blood Mountain to learn about the legend — see what I did there? — of the creature who is said to rise when a drop of blood is spilled. Everyone else thinks there’s a serial killer, even if we didn’t know what that word meant, as Robert Ressler first used it in a presentation in 1974.

In 1975. Donn Davison — the manager of the Dragon Art Theatre in Gainesville, FL, as well as the director of the “Asylum of the Insane” inserts in She-FreakHoney Britches and Moonshiner’s Woman, plus the producer of Secrets of the Gods and The Force Beyond; even more, he was a hype man for Film Ventures International and played a folklore expert in Crypt of Dark Secrets and the antiquities expert in Mardi Gras Massacre — must have seen how much money that The Legend of Boggy Creek was making. So he took that aforementioned movie — now ten years old — and added on some “real people” and himself up front as an expert. Then, he shared it with the world.

When he refers to himself as a “World Traveler, Lecturer and Psychic Investigator” who are we to say he isn’t?

If you’re wondering who Bestoink Dooley is, he was the host of the Big Movie Shocker, which aired on Fridays at 11:30 p.m. on Altanta’s WAGA-TV Channel 5. Played by George Ellis, he was also in the movies Swamp CountryHoney Britches (which was renamed and re-released as both Shantytown Honeymoon and later Demented Death Farm Massacre) and Moonrunners, as the villain Jake Rainey. That movie kind of disappeared, but would return when its director Gy Waldron took the concept and narrator Waylon Jennings and went to Hollywood to sell it as The Dukes of Hazzard. Ellis never got to play Boss Hogg.

According to this amazing article in Oxford American, “The Bestoink Dooley Fan Club,” Ellis also bought a theater known as the Festival Cinema. Atlanta magazine described it as a venue where “patrons would often come as much as 30 minutes before the show started to sit in the plush lobby in white sculptured chairs and leaf through copies of Sight and Sound or talk in muted voices and sip the complimentary Viennese coffee.” Despite introducing the city to the French New Wave and New German Cinema, Ellis was broke. So he started showing porn and got arrested for obscenity. Years later, he’d open other theaters — the Film Forum at Ansley Mall, the Film Forum on Peachtree and the Bijou Cinema — all places where “You can trace the roots of Atlanta’s film culture through these theaters.”

As if this movie doesn’t have enough nexus points, the bikini-clad daughter of a town doctor who falls for Dooley by the name of Phyllis Stinson is played by Erin Fleming. She’s also in Hercules in New YorkEverything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask) and Sheila Levine Is Dead and Living in New York but is best-known as the secretary and manager of Groucho Marx. While many of the actor’s friends admitted that she did much to revive his popularity and getting him an honorary Academy Award Marx, many also believed that she psychologically and physically abused him. After his death, she was ordered to repay $472,000 which she had taken from his estate. She’s gorgeous in this movie, yet sher life went so wrong over the last few decades she was in this plane of reality. She was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, arrested for carrying a concealed and loaded gun and lived out the rest of those dark years homeless and delusional before shooting herself at the age of 61.

Nearly everyone in this is either overacting, reading off cue cards — Davison is wearing sunglasses so you can’t tell that he is doing exactly that — or repeating lines because they think that someone is going to edit this movie.

Well, there is editing ten years later, as the strange original monster has been replaced with fog and a sasquatch.

“BIG FOOT” is more than a legend… They swear to God it’s true!” That’s the kind of words that get people in theaters and drive-ins. You know what else helps? Having your own theme song.

“The Ballad of McCullough Mountain” by Tim York is the kind of theme kind of demanded after Boggy Creek. As for three year old me, this movie may have terrified me as much as the frozen Bigfoot that came to the parking lot of my K-Mart. My aunt went to see it and brought back pictures. I remember yelling at her, because now Bigfoot knew that I knew he was here.

You can watch this on YouTube.

CBS LATE MOVIE MONTH: Mitchell (1975)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Mitchell was on the CBS Late Movie on October 1, 1980.

Mitchell reveals a lot of misconceptions.

First: Joe Don Baker was once presented as the kind of sex symbol who didn’t just get Linda Evans in bed, he was kind of angry about it.

Second: Mitchell was not intended to be riffed on. And yet here we are, with a movie that most people know from the final episode that Joel was on Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Then again, critics hated this when it came out in 1975. Vincent Carnaby said, “Mitchell, starring Joe Don Baker as a hard-nosed Los Angeles detective named Mitchell, has a lot of over-explicit violence, some gratuitous sex stuff and some rough language, yet it looks like a movie that couldn’t wait to get to prime-time television. Perhaps it’s a pilot film for a TV series, or maybe it’s just a movie that’s bad in a style we associate with some of the more mindless small-screen entertainments.

Mitchell spends what seems to be the greater part of the film climbing in and out of automobiles, driving automobiles, chasing other automobiles, parking automobiles, and leaning against the body of automobiles that are temporarily at rest. Once he smashes a hoodlum’s hand in the door of an automobile.

The climax, for a giddy change of pace, features a police helicopter in pursuit of a high-speed cabin cruiser. Automobiles sink when driven onto water.”

He could have been right. After all, the cut that aired on the CBS Late Movie was heavily edited with scenes shot just for TV, eliminating most of the violence, nudity and profanity. It also has the death of John Saxon’s character happen off screen, where we hear about his death on the radio. Keep in mind that he’s presented as Mitchell’s arch enemy.

Mitchell (Baker) is after Saxon’s character, Walter Deaney, but learns from the Chief of Police (Robert Phillips) tells Deaney is wanted for “every federal law violation in the book” and  “FBI property.” This doesn’t stop Mitchell, who wants to go after him instead of staking out James Arthur Cummins (Martin Balsam), a crime boss shipping in heroin. To get him off the case, Deaney hired $1,000 a night call girl Greta (Linda Evans) to keep him busy. Instead, Mitchell arrests her for possession and even turns down a bribe. Soon, Deaney and Cummins are working together to kill our slovenly hero.

If you enjoy larger men battling, this has Baker fighting Merlin Olsen. I mean, we’ve already imagined a world where a high priced sex worker wants to sleep with Baker for free. Why not?

Directed by Andrew V. McLaglen (The Wild GeeseThe Sea Wolves, Sahara) and written by Ian Kennedy Martin, this also has a great theme song, “Mitchell” by Hoyt Axton.

“My my my my Mitchell
What do your Mama say?
What would she do
if she knew you
were fallin’ round and carryin’ on that way…
Crackin’ some heads, jumpin’ in and out of beds
and hangin’ round the criminal scene…
Do you think you are some kind of a star like the guys on the movie screen…

Well oh my my my Mitchell
What would your captain say?
If he knew you was hangin’ round
Eatin’ with the crooks and shootin’ up the town
Know you been out there, roundin’ up the syndicate
succeedin’ where the others have failed
Oh my my my Mitchell
You shoot ’em just to get ’em in jail
When they take a look in the record book, they’ll find you got a lot of class…

The whole shebang, arrestin’ painted ladies for a little grass
Oh my my my Mitchell!”

Supposedly, Baker was so upset by this being on Mystery Science Theater 3000 that he threatened to fight anyone from the show if he saw them. That didn’t stop them from also doing another of his movies, Final Justice — another movie in which he uses an orange to prove how he is going to destroy someone — on the show.

You can watch this without riffing on Tubi. They also have the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version.

CBS LATE MOVIE MONTH: The Ultimate Warrior (1975)

EDITOR’S NOTE: The Ultimate Warrior was on the CBS Late Movie on July 2 and November 24, 1982 and February 6 and July 15, 1986.

There had been post-apocalyptic movies before — End of the World came out in 1916 — and the genre was already a big deal by 1975, following The Omega Man and Soylent Green. So when most people believe that end of the world movies started in 1979 with Mad Max, they’d been around long before.

The Ultimate Warrior is pretty much a western — all good post-apocalyptic movies are — with a frontier town under attack. That town would be a small fort in what’s left of New York City, a place led by Baron (Max Von Sydow). One of his followers is a former scientist named Cal (Richard Kelton), who has developed plague resistant seeds that grow in the dead soil, creating a desert in the wasteland.

And, just like every western — and again, post-apocalyptic movie — there are gangs of bad people making the lives of good people hard. One of those gangs is led by Carrot (William Smith!) and Baron is so worried about them that he hires on a loner gunslinger — or fighter — named Carson (Yul Brynner).

Even with his abilities, the settlement is still doomed. So Baron sends his pregnant daughter Melinda (Joanna Miles) away from the citty with the goal of building a new world on a North Carolina island. But escaping the city isn’t easy and it costs nearly everyone their lives and Carson his hand, but the ultimate warrior is nothing if not resilient. Or deadly.

Director and writer Robert Clouse knew how to make a movie with fights as the main draw, as he directed Enter the Dragon and Game of Death with Bruce Lee, as well as Black Belt Jones with Jim Kelly, Golden NeedlesForce: FiveThe Big Brawl with Jackie Chan, Gymkata with Kurt Thomas, two China O’Brien movies with Cynthia Rothrock and Ironheart with Bolo Yeung. He also made the animal attack movies The Pack and the rats on the loose film Deadly Eyes.

And yes, this movie is where the wrestler got his name from.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Abigail Leslie Is Back In Town (1975)

Joe Sarno week (June 16 – 22) Joe Sarno was called the Bergman of 42nd St, but don’t let that stop you from watching his movies! He was able to shape dramatic stories that were entertaining and of-the-moment while working with tight budgets and inexperienced performers but he never lost sight of why people were buying the tickets – HOT SEX!

A lot has changed in the decade between Joe Sarno’s monochromatic sex without sex movies. Porno chic has already arrived, movies need to be in color and sexual liberation was already growing boring to some but the specter of AIDS had not yet come to haunt us.

Quite literally, Abigail Leslie (adult star Jennifer Jordan, who used the name Sarah Nicholson and who also appears in Sarno’s Misty)is indeed back in Baypoint, a small town where her carnal nature is still whispered about.

Also: Baypoint is actually Sarno’s hometown, Amityville.

Abigail left after her scandalous affair with married man Gordon (Jamie Gillis). Now that she’s here again, his wife Priscilla (Rebecca Brooke, who is also known as Mary Mendum) wants her to leave all over again and is not shy about telling everyone just how much she absolutely loathes our heroine.

So what does Abigail do? Well, like some hurricane of sexual force, she sleeps with anyone and everyone she wants to, including Chester (Eric Edwards) and her Aunt Drucilla (Jennifer Welles, who left adult after marrying a rich fan but not before Sarno directed her film Inside Jennifer Welles). By the time she’s done with her old town, everyone is having sex with everyone. Even Priscilla gets over her anger.

Oh yeah — if you’re wondering who Drucilla’s man is, that’s Sonny Landham from Predator.

I think that every movie made — even today, not movies but scenes on adult websites — that has a woman watching in the doorway and getting worked up owes a debt to Sarno. Yet he also takes it even further, creating a movie where a woman’s orgasm is the most holy sacrament in all of reality and really, isn’t it?

That said, I don’t buy Abigail falling in love with Priscilla and getting her heart broken by her. Sure, it adds a twist to the ending — that I just spoiled, apologies I swear — but the Abigail who arrives in town and instantly begins getting everyone to be more open and less worried about morality would pick herself up and get under or on top of someone immediately.

Also: Every single woman in this movie seemingly is both gorgeous and has red or strawberry blonde hair. I respect Sarno for who he chose to be in it and that he would try with all his power to not go full adult when the rest of the world was showing everything.

SUPPORTER WEEK: Search for the Gods (1975)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Today’s movie is brought to you by Jason, who made a one-time donation and told me to pick any 70’s TV I wanted. So how about an entire week?

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In 1975, ancient aliens were all people could think about other than the bicentennial. Or so it seemed. Directed by Jud Taylor and written by Herman Miller and Ken Pettus, Search for the Gods was a pilot for a series that was never picked up.

Willie Longfellow (Stephen McHattie), Genera Juantez (Victoria Racimo) and Shan Mullins (Kurt Russell) are looking for parts of a gold tablet that explains how these Erich Von Daniken alien gods came to Earth and inspired our technology. Longfellow meets Lucio (John War Eagle, a Native American who was actually born in England) and gets the first piece from him before he dies, which brings him to Genera, the magic man’s granddaughter.

They bring the medallion to Dr. Henderson (Ralph Bellamy) who helps them learn what they have to find next while looking out for the rich men who want it all for themselves. Obviously, this is set to not have an ending as they wanted this to be a series, so the 100 minutes of this show just lead to more that will never come.

Originally airing on March 9, 1975 on ABC, this movie has Russell’s character mention how much he wants beer many times. There aren’t any effects or aliens, but who knows what the show would have had?

And man, why wasn’t Victoria Racimo more of a star?

You can watch this on YouTube.

APRIL MOVIE THON 3: Have a Nice Weekend (1975)

April 15: Slasher — A slasher without any sequels.

Directed, co-written (with Inserts director and writer and Mahogany writer John Byrum and Marsha Sheiness) and produced by Michael Walters — his only movie — Have a Nice Weekend is an early slasher that attempts to be ripped from the headlines as it starts with Chris coming home from Vietnam, burning his uniform and inviting his entire family to meet at their summer home.

Father Paul (Michael Miller), mother Laura (Nikki Counselman), sister Muffy (Patricia Joyce), her friend Ellen (Colette Bablon) and football coach and handyman Frank head off to the island, which seemingly has only two other people living there, Donald and Joan Crab (Peter Dompe and Valerie Shepherd). They have a strange meal where Paul looks at a butcher knife to carve the roast like it’s a sexual object and Chris flips out and smashes a radio that dares to speak of the war.

Is it a surprise that Paul is dead the next day, found in the rose bushes his wife was enraged about and stabbed by the same butcher knife he almost came over? Found by Donald and Ellen, now everyone becomes a suspect.  And the killing isn’t done yet, as there’s a garden hoe and a hook to be used.

That said, this feels like a TV movie that no one wants to watch and nobody wants to act in. I do love a sleepy movie, however, and I also adore one that has an ending where it seems like no one knows who did the murders and then someone is like, “We need an epilogue” and it still makes less than any reasonable sense.

Also: Chris gets killed, mom is banging it out with the gardener football coach and Muffy once sunk her fingernails into another girl’s face. It could be anybody. Or it could be someone no one knows who just so happened to head to this island to kill. Also also: Everyone hates everybody. Even the boat captain who takes them to their vacation home yells at everyone, the phones have all been cut off for the season (how is that a thing?) and nobody wants to be around anyone. In no way is this like what Barry Manilow sang, “Time in New England took me away to long rocky beaches you by the bay.”

This weekend in New England will be the death of these people.

If you’ve watched every slasher there is, well, you can watch this one too. I may be talking to myself.

That said, it has one great line: “Making a sandwich is a one man job!”

You can watch this on YouTube.