Golden Needles (1974)

Golden Needles begins with an elderly asian man being treated to various needles that literaly rise both him — and his member — back from the dead, at which point his grinning harem guides him out of the room just in time for a group of flamethrower-spraying masked troopers to kill every single person with fire.

That’s how you start a movie.

As for the actual film, well, various groups are fighting amongst themselves to gain possession of a very special statue that has golden needles within it. If they inserted in the right areas on a man, he will gain super sexual skills. Or die, if things are done wrong.

Director Robert Clouse made Enter the Dragon and this finds him teaming up again with Jim Kelly, along with 70s sex symbol — I mean, I guess — Joe Don Baker. God bless American-International Pictures for making this movie and getting the cast they did, which includes Elizabeth Ashley (Windows) as Baker’s love interest and one of the people who wants the statue, Burgess Meredith as the nude man painting bad guy and Ann Sothern as a brothel owner.

You have to love a movie that has the credit “Jim Kelly’s Fight Sequence Choreographed By Himself” and then realize that that fight is filled with nude men trying to take a shower and their rear ends being used for comedy.

This movie is just the way I like them: filled with Joe Don Baker love scenes, karate and a PG rating for a film that starts with fire murders in a massage parlor.

Kino Lorber has a new blu ray release of this movie that has a brand new 2K master, along with radio and TV ads, a trailer and new commentary by Howard S. Berger and Chris Poggiali.

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