Snakes on a submarine! Yes, imagine being sunk to the ocean floor, with reptilian beasts everywhere!

Directed by Russ Mayberry and written by Leslie Stevens, this idea is that seaman Compton (Frank Bonner) would purchase a bunch of poisonous snakes and then just set them loose in the claustrophobic confines of an undersea vessel. Is it ironic or just plain dumb universe magic that the sub is named the Fer-de-Lance?

David Janssen plays sub captain Russ, a man so tough that he keeps battling the snakes even during the credits! Ivan Dixon shows up, as he has in more than one movie I’ve watched this week. I see you, dude. And then there’s Hope Lange as one of the few women on this here sub.

Jason Evers, the doctor who made The Brain That Wouldn’t Die, is on hand. So is George Pan Andreas, who made one of the best vanity projects ever, Crime Killer. Sherry Boucher from Sisters of Death, you’re here too. Robert Ito, Professor Hijita from Buckaroo Banzai, and Sam Fujiyama from Quincy, M.E., appear, which gives me the opportunity to remind you that a mixed drink called the Quincy, M.E., is two Vicodin and an ounce of vodka. 

This moves at the glacial pace that I demand from a TV movie. It’s a perfect Sunday afternoon on the couch, take a nap, and it’s still on movie.

You can watch this on Tubi.