APRIL MOVIE THON 2: Baby Geniuses (1999)

April 17: Party Over, Whoops — Select a movie from 1999.

This is the first full-length feature to use computer-generated imagery for the synthesis of human visual speech. And yes, it made $36 million dollars on a $12 million dollar budget, but man, I don’t want to hate Bob Clark. Not the Bob Clark who made Black ChristmasPorky’s, DerangedDeathdream and Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things. Then I remembered that Bob Clark also was the director of Rhinestone even if he also made A Christmas Story and man, life is sad sometimes.

Dr. Elena Kinder (Kathleen Turner) and Dr. Heep (Christopher Lloyd) have figured out that babies are, true to the name of this movie, geniuses that speak in a secret coded language called Babytalk. When they grow up, they lose this knowledge. One of the orphans they have stolen, Sylvester, escapes and meets his twin brother Whit (they are played by Leo, Gerry and Myles Fitzgerald) and gets adopted by Dan (Peter MacNicol) and Robin Bobbins (Kim Cattrall).

Man, this movie makes me sad for Ruby Dee and Dom DeLuise. I mean, Dom was in some horrible films and this makes MunchieSextette and The Silence of the Hams look like movies that critics say take big swings and are singular experiences.

Who is to blame for this? Jon Voight.

Jon Voight, the man whose accent in Anaconda was so bad that I demanded he lose his Oscar, had this movie as part of his production company and worked to convince Clark that it was a good idea.

It wasn’t.

There’s also Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, which Clark directed and Voight played the final boss in, which there’s also a TV series that only aired in Italy and the Far East, but has gone direct to video and appeared here as Baby Geniuses and the Mystery of the Crown Jewels, Baby Geniuses and the Treasures of Egypt and Baby Geniuses and the Space Baby. I know that someday I’m going to watch these movies because I’m kind of insane and love to hurt myself.

I still love Bob Clark. But man, this movie worked hard to make me despise him.

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