APRIL MOVIE THON 2: Girls Gone Dead (2012)

April 13: Kayfabe Cinema — A movie with a pro wrestler in it.

Directed by Michael Hoffman Jr. and Aaron T. Wells from a script by Hoffman, Ryan Dee and Meghan Jones, Girls Gone Dead uses borrowed interest to get you to watch this movie that’s really just an 80s slasher.

For the fans of those films, Linnea Quigley plays a bartender. For Howard Stern Show lovers, there’s Sal Governale and Beetlejuice. Do you like hevay metal? Here’s Nicko McBrain, the drummer from Iron Maiden. For, well, anyone who likes adult film hates Ron Jeremy, but he’s in this. Finally, for lovers of pro wrestling, the sheriff is played by Jerry “The King” Lawler.

A bunch of girls head to Daytona Beach for spring break and end up being part of a Girls Gone Wild-style event for Crazy Girls Unlimited. However, there’s a killer in their midst and everyone, every single girl named for characters from Saved By the Bell is in danger.

At over a hundred minutes, this movie somehow proves that naked women can be boring, which is not a sentence that I ever want to write. Jim Wynorski could make this movie so much better just by being near the set, but instead, you get a generic fill in the blank slasher with scenes of women partying on the beach, which may be fun when you’re in your early stages of being able to drink legally but all feels frankly exhausting today.

 

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