JESS FRANCO MONTH: La cripta de las condenadas (2012)

The poster for this movie? Gorgeous.

The description? “A group of women is locked in a cemetery crypt, convicted of an old curse. This kind of succubi, lewd and wicked, indulging years pass all kinds of sexual pleasures.”

The actual movie? Jess Franco in one or two rooms watching women writhe around and zoom in and out of their curves for 90 minutes or so.

Also, that’s no crypt. It’s someone’s apartment and it may as well be Franco’s.

A Bad Day at the Cemetery is all shot in an orange haze, all soft focus as women writhe on a white carpet that seems a lot like the one Joan Collins got blood all over in Tales from the Crypt and how do you keep a carpet like that clean? Would you have sex all over an impossible to clean and maintain shag?

The ladies on hand include writer and cinematographer Fata Morgana (she also made Montes de Venus with Franco), Carmen Montes from Snakewoman, Eva Palmer from Jess Franco’s Perversion and actresses who only appeared in this film and its sequel: Marta Simoes, Olivia Deveraux and María Traven.

Let’s dispense with questions like, “Should you watch that?” Jess Franco’s normal films are an acquired taste, much less his late in career digital video efforts which are just him being a creepy fly on the wall while women pose and occasionally touch one another and classic music plays. An Exterminating Angel is on the way and I guess if I knew that, I’d be doing the same as them.

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