Satanic Yuppies (1996)

Directed and written by Mark Burchett and Michael D. Fox (VampsBlood Sisters: Vamps 2), this movie is also known as Evil Ambitions and really is 1996 in its most pure and distilled flavor.

The Satanic Yuppies in the title are politician Gideon Jessup (David Levy) and model agency owner Brittany Drake (Amber Newman, HorrorvisionHell-O-Ween) and they have marked Julie Swanson (Lucy Frashure), a virginal fresh off the bus and new in the big city girl for Satan’s bride. And by the big city, I mean Cincinnati, because dead bodies keep showing up in the Ohio River.

Reporter Peter McGavin (Paul Morris) is on the case, despite being warned by his boss Miles Bishop (S. William Hinzman, the Flesheater not in zombie mode) to just forget all about it. You know who does get him off the trail? Brittany, who owns him from the minute they speak. At the same time, another girl he runs into gets kidnapped by the cult’s long-haired killing machine Lester (Rob Calvert).

Despite the sexual dynamo throwing herself his way, McGavin finds his way back to his story and gets help from phone sex operator/literal ghostwriter of Mae West’s autobiography Madame Natalie Goldfarb (Debbie Rochon), who informs him that the first four murders were to create the bridesmaids of the devil and the fifth murder will be his bride, at which point, kind of like a godfather at an Italian wedding, Satan must give a favor to whoever put the nuptials together.

After killing Detective Leslie Kellogg (Renee Raos), the police officer who was trying to help McGavin, with a blue blur while she’s in the bathtub, a succubus is sent to take our protagonist and make him a member of the cult. But when Satan (Randy Rupp) shows up, it turns out he’s not all that pleased with the rich and powerful who are following him.

While the protagonist is lame and you’ll probably be more of a fan of Newman’s evil mistress of the dark arts — and modeling — this is by no means a bad film. It looks a lot like a 1990s adult film from VCA, with that plastic bright video quality, yet just hints at the sex instead of giving it to you. That said, if suddenly people started having sex for real, I would in no way be surprised.

Between Hinsman and Rochon being involved, how did John Russo not get into this movie?

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