Bikers Versus the Undead (1985)

The reissued art for this movie could totally be an Aircel comic.

James R. Buick, who directed Bikers Versus the Undead and co-wrote it with Diane Chapman, was a one and done filmmaker, gifting us with only this lone shot on video effort.

Somewhere outside of Phoenix, a man named Speed (Jerry Anderson) — who even gets his own theme song over the credits — has created a formula called Agent Live that turns everyone — including a dog! — into zombies. Well, the goal was something that killed bikers and didn’t harm normal people — maybe using the formula of the American Motorcycle Association, “99% of the motorcycling public are law-abiding; there are 1% who are not.” — but it backfires and turns everyone into zombies and does nothing to said bikers, who we assume have rates of alcohol and hard drugs in their system — this is not a knock, but a bit of praise — and they aren’t impacted. Or as Lemmy once said, “I never said speed was a good idea for you. I said that I liked it.”

What’s really surprising in this is that the fight scenes are so big, like a cast of thousands all battling out there in the desert and if you enjoyed the biker scenes in Dawn of the Dead, logic says that you will  enjoy a full-length film with the same idea. I’m also impressed that someone was convinced to do a full body burn stunt in this movie, but then again, in 1985 video stores were dying for product and this helps the movie stand out. Sure, a lot of it is too dark to see and the quality of nearly every shot is bad and the soundtrack is distorted, but if you’ve come this far in your shot on video journey, you know, why not go all the way? And who decided that organized crime and conservative politics were the real enemy, not the zombies? The latter just makes me sad because all the bikers I knew who used to pound it out with my aunt and her friends used to despise authority and hate cops so much that they would climb up and tear down gigantic flags and what do you do with a huge hundred foot Stars and Bars? But anyways, those same guys that were public nuisances and named speed 7 and 14 after the truck stop in Ohio where I used to get great burgers and strawberry shortcake in a dirty coffee mug from the meanest waitress ever are now all in on yelling about Brandon and maybe they should go back and watch this and concentrate on getting ready for the real troubles and by that, I mean the inevitable zombie apocalypse.

Also: Major points to the biker who earns his blue wings by making sweet love to a zombified girl down by the fire.

You can watch this on YouTube.

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