Hellraiser (2022)

You know, I made it through every Hellraiser — yes, even Hellraiser: Judgment and Hellraiser: Revelations — and the stupid social media uproar that Pinhead would be a woman, plus the second social media fervor that this movie was going to make Hellraiser too gay, which is absolutely the most hilarious argument of all time.

Too bad that the movie that resulted — directed by David Bruckner (SouthboundThe Ritual) from a script by Ben Collins and Luke Piotrowski (The Night House) from a screen story they co-wrote with David S. Goyer — can’t live up to all that tweet and retweet noise.

Roland Voight (Goran Višnjić) is a hedonistic millionaire who serves Leviathan and brings the puzzle box — the Lament Configuration — into the lives of people who pay as it cuts them and the Cenobites arrives to flay their souls.

Riley McKendry (Odessa A’zion), a recovering addict who solves one of those boxes and learns that they mark their victims as a sacrifice. She learns that when her brother Matt (Brandon Flynn) gets taken away when he is sliced open. Soon, she and her boyfriend Trevor (Drew Starkey) and Colin’s lover Matt (Adam Faison) are trying to escape Voight’s mansion with their lives.

For all the noise about Jamie Clayton playing Pinhead — I mean The Priest, as it says in the credits — it really doesn’t change the story or the idea. It’s just a gender swap and people should get over these things. What I want is a movie that lives up to the first two films and again, again, again and again I never get what I desire. Some critics say it’s better than the last films and that’s like saying it’s the best of your breakups.

Maybe I expect too much and get too excited. Maybe I watched too many Eastern Europe-shot direct-to-video sequels (this was shot in Serbia). Maybe I’m not getting the right versions of all these reboots and reimaginings that everyone else seems to love.

But when someone says, “We have such sights to show you,” they should show me.

One thought on “Hellraiser (2022)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.