Amityville Thanksgiving (2022)

Jackie (Natalie Peri, who is also in Amityville Conjuring) and Danny (Paul Faggione, who played John Gotti in a series of documentaries and is also in a movie called Bad Ravioli, so you can expect exactly what he does, speaking in an exaggerated Italian accent) are having Thanksgiving at an intensive therapy session with Amityville’s best — and not only, believe it or not — marriage counselor Frank Domonico (Mark C. Fullhardt, who is also in Amityville Conjuring, so…it looks like I’ll have to watch that as well). The doctor has some strange ways of bringing couples together, although it seems like he wants to have sex with Jackie more than fix her marriage.

Yes, this is both a Thanksgiving and an Amityville movie and man, that means that I was duly bound to watch it. I mean — just look at this Amityville list of films I’ve already made it through.

 

Directed and written by Will Collazo Jr. (Bloody NunNight of the ZomghoulsOuija Encounters of the Third KindMothman: Mount Misery Road and yes, the upcoming Amityville Conjuring) has kind of, sort of assembled this movie from disparate scenes and several solo actors just filmed on their phones. Seriously, the film ends way before it actually ends and people just talk about events that happened within or after the story and there’s no reason at all for them being there.

Yet you know, to make an Amityville movie about Thanksgiving and not have it really about either and instead an excuse for old men with thick New York accents about having rough sex with other men’s wives is pretty much a genius concept. It also has Shawn Phillips and David Perry as a male couple that has the same marriage issues as everyone else.

I was going to say I have no idea who this is for, but I know that the answer is me. I’m the same kind of jerk that will write thousands of words saying how creatively bereft a movie like Smile is and then watch every single Amityville movie and if sixteen year old me knew that, he would be so happy with how things turned out.

Also: marriage counselor who puts the seed of a demon into women he’s steered into leaving their husbands and then eating them — as well as killing their marriage counselor competition — is the kind of career path no one tells you about. Cannibal Marriage Counselor is also not as good a title as Amityville Thanksgiving.

The SRS Cinema DVD of Amityville Thanksgiving has a commentary by director and writer Will Collazo Jr., an interview with the lead actor, a trailer and trailers for other SRS Cinema movies. You can get this from MVD.

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