GENREBLAST FILM FESTIVAL: The Barn Part II (2022)

The GenreBlast Film Festival is entering its sixth year of genre film goodness. A one-of-a-kind film experience created for both filmmakers and film lovers to celebrate genre filmmaking in an approachable environment, it has been described by Movie Maker Magazine as a “summer camp for filmmakers.”

Over the next few days, I’ll be reviewing several movies from this fest, based in the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema in Winchester, Virginia. This year, there are 14 feature films and 87 short films from all over the world. Weekend passes are only $65 and you can get them right here.

The Barn Part II (2022): I’d put off watching The Barn for so long; it just seemed like a rather silly for silly sake Troma-esque mining of the wonderous golden age of the slasher. Man, I was wrong. This movie completely rocks on every level and is way, way better than I had no idea it could have been.

The Halloween ban is now lifted in Helen’s Valley and the sorority girls of Gamma Tau Psi place Michelle (Lexi Dripps) — once the final girl, destined to be the final girl again — in charge of their haunted house. Yet she still hasn’t come to terms with what happened in the first movie and believes that she survived what was only a ritualistic attack that killed all her friends.

Working with her best friend Heather (Sable Griedel), they start planning the haunt and decide to use it to memorialize the still missing Sam (Mitchell Musolino) and Josh (Will Stout). While the story of the first movie has become only an urban legend, the truth is that The Boogeyman, Hollow Jack and the Candy Corn Scarecrow are back. And if you don’t know their story, Drive-In Joe (Joe Bob Briggs!) will handle the exposition.

There’s also a battle to outlaw Halloween again, led by Sara Barnhart (Linnea Quigley) and battled by DJ Dr. Rock (Ari Lehman). They’re not the only great cameos. Lloyd Kaufmann is the town’s mayor, Diana Prince plays a nurse, Doug Bradley plays Sam’s father, Mister Lobo shows up and even Ben Dietels from Neon Brainiacs is in it!

Director and writer Justin M. Seaman has created a movie that lives up to 90s DTV horror and can also stand on its own. I had an absolute blast watching this movie. See it in a theater — or a drive-in! — if you can or with as many people as you can. It’s filled with goofy monsters — including two new ones — as well as inventive kills and all kinds of gore.

You can order DVDs and blu rays here and learn more at the official Facebook page.

GENREBLAST FILM FESTIVAL: Por favor no me abandones (2022)

The GenreBlast Film Festival is entering its sixth year of genre film goodness. A one-of-a-kind film experience created for both filmmakers and film lovers to celebrate genre filmmaking in an approachable environment, it has been described by Movie Maker Magazine as a “summer camp for filmmakers.”

Over the next few days, I’ll be reviewing several movies from this fest, based in the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema in Winchester, Virginia. This year, there are 14 feature films and 87 short films from all over the world. Weekend passes are only $65 and you can get them right here.

Please Don’t Abandon Me (2022): Helena (Valentina Sumavsky) has been living with her boyfriend Jesus (Jesús Meza) and things have been going well. But the past, well, the past has made Helena constantly wonder when her happiness will end. Drugs, emotional issues, past damage — she knows that this relationship will end soon and it starts to take her into a very dismal place.

Directed and written by Antonio Rotunno, the movie quickly moves into Helena dispatching of Jesus in a long, drawn-out sequence with plenty of stabbing. So much stabbing. And then more stabbing. Followed by her sewing job reminding her of that skinny blade going in and out of skin, over and over. Concealing the defensive wounds under sunglasses, she keeps up the appearance of a normal life, but when others want to see Jesus and people start asking questions, it gets harder and harder to keep the corpse of her once alive lover in the house, leading to her having to dispose of the body as well as anyone who gets too close.

I was hoping for more in this movie but it gets to its most dramatic moments early and then the close — which echoes The New York Ripper‘s dog reveal — seemed like too cute of a button after all the horror that I’d just seen. Maybe it’ll work better for you or it’s meant to be watched with others, because it all left me rather cold.

You can see the trailer to this movie here.

CANNON MONTH 2: Santa Claus the Movie (1985)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Santa Claus the Movie was not produced by Cannon but was theatrically distributed in the UK by Cannon Screen Entertainment Limited.

After the father-and-son production team of Alexander and Ilya Salkind finished up with Superman III and Supergirl, what else was left but to explain the mysteries of Santa Claus to children all over the world?

Who should direct should an endeavor? How about John Carpenter? No, really. However, the auteur wanted to have a hand in the writing, musical score and final cut of the movie. Plus, he wanted to cast Brian Dennehy as Santa.

Other directors included multiple James Bond series director Lewis Gilbert, The Sound of Music director Robert Wise and again, another James Bond series director (and the man in the chair for Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins), Guy Hamilton.

Finally, Supergirl director Jeannot Szwarc was selected. He’d also directed Jaws 2and Somewhere in Time. He had a great relationship with the Salkinds and TriStar Pictures.

The result? A movie that got horrible reviews and made half of its budget back.

But hey — sometimes bombs are great. So let’s get into it.

Back in the past, Santa (David Huddleston, The Big Lewbowski himself) is a woodcarver who takes his wife Anya (Judy Cornwell, Whoever Slew Auntie Roo?) and reindeer, Donner and Blitzen, into the snow to deliver gifts to children. One night, though, the snow is too much and they all die. The end.

The movie would be pretty depressing if this is where it all ended. Instead, they are transported to the ice mountains at the top of the world, some Shangri-La type place where Dr. Strange and Iron Fist got his powers. They meet a whole bunch of elves, including Dooley (John Barrard, one of the blind men in 1972’s Tales from the Crypt), the inventor elf Patch (Dudley Moore, Arthur) and Puffy (Anthony O’Donnell). Our hero learns that his destiny is to deliver gifts every Christmas Eve, along with an entire team of reindeer. Finally, as the holiday approaches, the Ancient One (Burgess Meredith, The Devil’s Rain!)  — I told you this was Dr. Strange — renames our hero as Santa Claus.

Fast forward to modern times and Santa is exhausted. His wife suggests he get an assistant and a competition between Patch and Puffy ends with Patch winning, but his modern machine makes work that isn’t up to Santa’s standards.

Santa meets some kids — a New York City orphan named Joe and a rich girl named Cornelia — and Patch quits his job and starts working for B.Z. (John Lithgow, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension), an unsafe toymaker that Congress is trying to shut down. Patch takes reindeer feed and makes lollipops that allow children to fly, allowing B.Z. to create a new holiday on March 25 — Christmas 2. This all makes Santa pretty sad, as Patch is becoming the new face of Christmas. Or Christmas 2. Look, I don’t know.

The newest toy for Christmas 2 will be candy canes that allow kids to fly (why a different product shape is needed is never really discussed), but when they are exposed to heat, they explode. B.Z. and Towzer (Jeffrey Kramer, Graham from Halloween II), his head of R&D, decide to let Patch take the fall. Joe and Cornelia get involved, Patch tells them he never wanted to take over for Santa and they all take the Patchmobile to the North Pole.

The reindeer — despite Comet and Cupid having the flu and who knows why this is even a plot point — help save Patch and everyone has a dance party because of Return of the Jedi. Santa and Mrs. Claus adopt Joe and Cordelia, keeping them away from the rest of the world and certainly adding the kids to some kind of Code Adam list, Meanwhile, B.Z. has eaten too many candy canes and flies into space, where one assumes he dies in the cold vacuum of space. Santa does not care, laughing heartily as he has crushed Patch’s spirit for good and kidnapped two human children to do his bidding. Or maybe it’s a happy ending.

For a movie that’s all about the magic and meaning of Christmas, the product placement for McDonald’s, Coke and Pabst Blue Ribbon — this is a kid-centric film — is problematic.

Marvel even did a tie-in comic, which at least has Frank Springer art.

These are the kind of movies I hated as a kid — message films that told me how to feel, act and behave. This is why Godzilla and King Kong are my idea of holiday films — beasts condemned by the world who only want to destroy the works of man! Feliz navidad!

GENREBLAST FILM FESTIVAL: Follow Her (2022)

The GenreBlast Film Festival is entering its sixth year of genre film goodness. A one-of-a-kind film experience created for both filmmakers and film lovers to celebrate genre filmmaking in an approachable environment, it has been described by Movie Maker Magazine as a “summer camp for filmmakers.”

Over the next few days, I’ll be reviewing several movies from this fest, based in the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema in Winchester, Virginia. This year, there are 14 feature films and 87 short films from all over the world. Weekend passes are only $65 and you can get them right here.

Follow Her (2022): Jess Peters (Dani Barker, who also wrote the film) is a struggling actress and live streaming influencer who has been getting somewhat famous answering job listings from creepy men and then sneak filming and either revealing their behavior or kink-shaming them.

Now, she’s found a job that asks her to go to a remote cabin and co-write a script with Tom Brady (Luke Cook) — not the athlete — and playact as the two main characters in his psychosexual murder mystery. She finds herself attracted to him but plans on using this as content for her streaming channel. But what if she’s someone else’s content?

Originally known as Classified Killer, this is the full-length debut of director Sylvia Caminer. I really don’t want to get much deeper into the twists and turns of the movie, except to say that the first one actually got me. This film gets more intense as it goes on and it totally took me for a ride. It works hard to get you to like Jess, who has a pretty unlikeable online character and makes you wonder who is behind the people that you live vicariously through social media.

GENREBLAST FILM FESTIVAL: Fresh Hell (2021)

The GenreBlast Film Festival is entering its sixth year of genre film goodness. A one-of-a-kind film experience created for both filmmakers and film lovers to celebrate genre filmmaking in an approachable environment, it has been described by Movie Maker Magazine as a “summer camp for filmmakers.”

Over the next few days, I’ll be reviewing several movies from this fest, based in the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema in Winchester, Virginia. This year, there are 14 feature films and 87 short films from all over the world. Weekend passes are only $65 and you can get them right here.

Fresh Hell (2021): Created by a group of Chicago theatre artists locked out of their livelihoods by the pandemic, Fresh Hell was a movie I thought I’d struggle through. No offense to directors Ryan Imhoff (who also wrote the script and plays The Stranger) and Matt Neal, but I’m on Microsoft Teams all day for work and struggle to get through up to ten virtual meetings a day. Could I handle one in my non-work free time?

Grace (Lanise Antoine Shelley), James (Randolph Thompson), Kara (Christine Vrem-Ydstie), Cynthia (Crystal Kim), Brian (Tyler Owen Parsons), Scott (Will Mobley), Todd (Rob Fagin) and Laura (Christina Reis) all gather for a video chat and by the end, The Stranger appears in place of their friend Laura. Their call ends with him knowing too much about them, hints that Laura is dead and the sinister man slicing his own cock off and showing the bloody wound left behind.

This is where the film changed and brought me in. Grace lost her sister in the early days of COVID-19 and while everyone else thinks Laura’s death is some kind of joke, she worries that what they’ve seen may be real. That’s when The Stranger starts coming for everyone else.

Meanwhile, Scott has become an alt-right firebrand, human puppies show up in the background of the others when Grace tries to warn them and then the finale is an on-stage talk show with the surviving characters and The Stranger, which again, is unexpected.

I’m glad I stuck with this movie. I was honestly expecting it to be background noise, but it becomes more deranged, unsettled and surprising as it goes on. And isn’t that what we want from movies these days? Trust me: stick around for that first videochat and then buckle up.

Root Letter (2022)

Based on the best-selling Japanese video game from Kadokawa Games — I had no idea of that when I watched — Root Letter is about Carlos (Danny Ramirez), a young man trying to reconnect with pen pal Sarah (Keana Marie) after she writes to tell him that she has killed someone. She’s since disappeared, so he travels to her hometown in an attempt to learn exactly what went down.

Directed by Sonja O’Hara and written by David Ebeltoft, this movie deals with some very real issues: Carlos has lost his mother to deportation and his father isn’t in the picture while Sarah has raised herself thanks to having a mother with opioid addiction. However, once she decides to join her friends Caleb and Jackson in selling the drugs, even worse things start to happen.

What started as a grade school assignment to write letters has turned into a friendship and something to look forward to. When those letters stop, Carlos doesn’t notice at first until he gets one last letter that turns his friend’s existence into a problem that he must solve.

What we’re left with is a mystery and a question: how much do we really know anybody, even if we’ve shared the intimacy of written words with one another?

Root Letter is available in select theaters and on demand.

DOUBLE CANNON HORROR DRIVE-IN ASYLUM DOUBLE FEATURE

Join Bill and me Saturday night at 8 PM EST on the Groovy Doom Facebook and YouTube pages for a movie that Cannon distributed and another they produced that are both really strange and wonderful, as we demand.

Up first — the underrated vampire freakout Last Rites! You can watch it on this Google Drive link that we’ve set up just for the movie.

Each week, we watch two movies but more than that — we discuss why they’re important to us, share the ad campaign for each movie and also have a drink that goes with each one.

Vampiro Paloma

  • 2 oz. tequila
  • 1 oz. Chambord
  • 1 oz. grapefruit juice
  • 1 oz. lime juice
  • Grapefruit soda, like Squirt
  1. Add tequila, Chambord, grapefruit juice, lime juice and ice to a shaker, then shake it all about.
  2. Pour into a glass and top with soda.

Our second movie is X-Ray AKA Hospital Massacre. You can watch it on Tubi, YouTube or get the Vinegar Syndrome blu ray.

Here’s the second drink.

Be My Valentine Or Else (from this recipe)

  • 1.5 oz. Svedka mango pineapple vodka
  • .5 oz. vanilla vodka
  • .5 oz. lime juice
  • .5 oz. simple syrup
  • Mint leaves
  • 3-4 dashes angostua bitters
  1. Layer mint leaves, simple syrup, and fresh lime juice in a glass.
  2. Add vodkas and crushed ice, then a layer of bitters. Enjoy.

Here’s to movies all night!