Ten Tubi picks (week 6)

It’s week 6 of our Tubi picks. Need something to watch? This week, like every week, here are ten movies to check out. Want to share your picks? Let me know in the comments?

1. Hardbodies: TUBI LINK

Thanks to Tubi, you can turn this on at 11:55 pm on Friday and pretend that it’s Cinemax and you’re getting away with something. Are you ready for the BBD (Bigger and Better Deal) to change your life?

2. Strip Nude for Your Killer: TUBI LINK

Is this the scummiest week of Tubi picks ever? Look, I’m driving this sleaze bus and you’re locked inside, so sit down and stay on this side of the white line. When a movie starts with a fashion model’s illegal abortion being covered up as a drowning and ends with the heroine being offered tradesman’s entrance love from the hero — not that great of one — of the movie, you know that it was directed and written by Andrea Bianchi, someone who made other giallo directors say, “Mi fa cagare!”

3. Angel: TUBI LINK

Student by day. Streetwalker by night. You’ll never want to run away from home again, because the Sunset Strip that Angel steps out on is covered in blood. Actually, you totally will want to run away from home after seeing this and hang out with fun weird people and dress fabulously.

4. The Tough Ones: TUBI LINK

Rome is about to explode and a hunchbacked lunatic is the one setting fire to the fuse. Umberto Lenzi didn’t make anything halfway and this movie is a great example of him at the very height of his violent powers.

5. Picasso Trigger: TUBI

None of the good guys can shoot a gun to save their lives, there’s a cane that shoots both shotgun and mortar rounds, exploding boomerangs and RC cars, as well as more showers than anyone has ever taken in 99 minutes. Killing is an art form and Andy Sidaris perfected it.

6. Enter the Devil (The Eerie Midnight Horror Show): TUBI

Someone — Satan? — challenged director Mario Gariazzo to make a movie that was the absolute most filth-ridden possession movie ever and he overachieved. Mothers get beat with rose bushes while their daughters sneak watch them, the devil promises youth if the heroine seduces a priest and a statue literally gets down off its crucifix to make unholy whoopee with said lead. It’s the movie that Becca said — more than once — “Why are you watching this absolute piece of shit?” to me and saw the absolute smile on my face. Black tar Italian movie drugs.

7. The Nightmare Never Ends: TUBI LINK

You’d think one of the full movies from Night Train to Terror would make more sense when it isn’t edited down into a shorter version, right? Wrong. This is pure bullshit madness. Richard Moll gets the Nobel Prize for saying God is dead. Cameron Mitchell is a cop. Marc Lawrence is a concentration camp survivor. The officer who ruined his life is a demon who never dies. A disgraced priest battles a succubus. And then there’s disco. 666 out of 5 stars, can have and will watch it again.

8. Venus In Furs: TUBI LINK

Jess Franco is the most dangerous of movie drugs, making endlessly similar movies that when viewed in the right mind state achieve near murderdrone levels of nothingness balanced with zooms into anatomy that challenge your sanity while blaring synth seems to drift in the ether like a Spanish fog. Jazz cigarettes. Venus in furs is rising, baby.

9. Master of the Flying Guillotine: TUBI LINK

The One-Armed Boxer thought it was over. No, when he killed the students of Fung Sheng Wu Chui, the master of the weapon right there in the title. Bloody violence ensures, scored by totally stolen tracks by Tangerine Dream, Neu! and Kraftwerk. Never watched a martial arts movie before? This one will get you started.

10. Don’t Torture a Duckling: TUBI LINK

As much as I celebrate the gore of Lucio Fulci, I find it a sadness that he is not more well-known and considered for his movies made before the 1980s. This pre-Argento giallo is in my top five films of the genre, a scandalous blast against religion, small minds and herd mentality set far from the modern streets of Rome. Barbara Bouchet makes a claim to be the giallo queen here. You won’t even care about the very obvious wooden dummy that makes an appearance.

To see our past Tubi picks, check out our Letterboxd list.

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