G.I. Joey (1987)

Watching a Godfrey Ho movie, you often ask yourself, “Have I seen this before?”

That’s because he reuses so much footage and has so many similar titles that it can be incredibly frustrating to know if you really have just spent a small;l part of your life seeing the same ninja movie again.

If you already saw Ninja Masters of Death or Ninja Project Daredevils, you’ve already seen G.I. Joey.

Also, if you’ve somehow already checked out the Korean war movie 13se Sonyeon (At 13 Years Old), you have also already seen this movie.

Or some of it.

That means that some of this movie is about the eternal struggle between capitalism and Communism. But with ninjas, so it does feel as dire as a Thanksgiving dinner when someone has just come back from college and wants to fight their Fox News parents and you just want to eat some cranberries.

Nothing in the description of this movie happens in the movie.

In fact, I wish that all arguments over belief structures had easy-to-follow color-coded ninjas for me to cheer throughout their battles, because then I’d actually care about politics.

If you ever have a conversation with me in person, please know that all I really want to talk about is cannibal movies, mondo films, the crossover between Gary Garver in porn and horror movies, Cannon movies and Godfrey Ho. No one ever wants to talk about those things. I never want to talk about politics because the world is a ratchet effect: one side blocks movement back to the left, another turns everything to the right and you are a spoke on their wheel. There is no two-party system, you are being lied to, there are only poor people and those that have everything and all we can do is take care of our immediate circle of people and attempt to start a better world on a small scale, if we can, except you know, the world is heading toward a climate change that will negatively impact everything on earth.

Can we just talk about fucking ninjas now?

You can watch this on Tubi.

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