U.S.A. Ninja (1985)

Also known as Ninja in the U.S.A., Ninja U.S.A. but not American Ninja — but if you told someone to get you that movie at the store and they brought you this the name did its job — this movie knows what you want right off the bo staff, showing Jerry Wong (Alexander Lou) fighting tons of ninjas to the death while also beating the absolute bark out of a tree for no reason at all. This movie gets the message that Ninja 3: The Domination laid bare for us all to never forget: start your movie with ninjas killing people and don’t connect it at all to the plot and you will be better for this experience.

Tyger McPherson has put together an army of ninjas to wipe out any witnesses to his drug dealings and the NYPD is stumped. This ninjitsu army follows Tyger so devoutly that they will die for him no questions asked. But Tyger has another side. He’s a Vietnam vet who adopted two kids, Jerry (who grew up to be the Jerry the ninja we already met) and NYPD cop Ronny (Alex Yip), who is devoted to putting drug dealers in jail. To add insult to injury, Jerry is getting married to Penny (Rosaline Li), a reporter also out to expose her new father-in-law and somehow, she gets evidence on the wedding day and gets kidnapped. Man, I thought the cops coming to my first wedding was bad.

If you hate your dad, at least he never kidnapped your wife, had some thugs assault her, videotaped it for you and then sent it to your house.

You can watch this on YouTube and see if it makes any sense to you, I guess.

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