JESS FRANCO MONTH: Les Emmerdeuses (1976)

This movie has so many Jess Franco picadillos.

Pina and Tina (Lina Romay and Pamela Standford) are two nightclub dancers who would rather be spies. If you say, hmm, have I seen this before, I ask you to remember that you are now within the Jess Franco Cinematic Universe, a place where all exotic dancers are either spies, possessed or possessed spies.

Most of the movie is them talking directly to us, when they’re not having sex, or being attacked by Duran the monster man or dressing up in a catsuit. Yes, it’s another Red Lips movie, if not in name, because these girls go by Golden Panther.

What it does have is the most valuable prize in all of the JFCU. No, not Ms. Romay’s quim, but diamonds. Yes, diamonds have been stolen from a millionaire with the cursed Franco name of Radeck. So they do what anyone would when it comes to steal them back. They conceal them inside their sex or within Monica Swinn’s fake penis that she’s packing to dress like a man.

The name translates to Pain in the Ass but this movie is anything but. It’s a truly joyous find within the multitudes of Franco films and one woven into so many of the films he made before this. How did Dr. Orloff not show up?

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