Cross of the Seven Jewels (1987)

Directed by, written by and starring Marco Antonio Andolfi — who also did the special effects — who claims he based this on comic books, plays and his real life, which really says a lot I guess. Eight years later, he took all this footage, re-edited it and threw in some footage he stole from The Serpent and the Rainbow like a good Italian filmmaker and called the film that ensured Talisman.

Marco Sartori (Andolfi) is wearing a huge cross with seven jewels — everyone cheer for the title reference — that gets turn off by some motorcycle criminals, which was what really happened to Andolfi and inspired this. Well, he needs that cross because without it, he turns into a weresomething, by which I mean that he’s nearly naked, except for a furry bikini and mask.

A mob boss (George Ardisson, who was once Secret Agent 3S3 and Thesus in Bava’s Hercules in the Haunted World) explains how he can get the cross back and lets one of his best girls, Maria (Annie Belle, who was in D’Amato’s Absurd and L’alcova) come along.

There’s also a fortune teller named Madame Amnesia played by former Miss World Zaira Zoccheddu, as well as Satanic cult that is whipping women and having sex because that’s how you raise the prince of all things evil from his slumber and sure, he looks like Chewbacca, but come on, he’s also the father — maybe? — of our hero. He at least did his mom and if I were a bad guy, I’d definitely say that out loud to get under a werewolf’s skin. Or fur.

Also, Gordon Mitchell leads the Black Mass and really, that’s enough to get me to spend $40 on this whenever Severin gets around to putting it out on blu ray.

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