Horrific (2004)

This is less an anthology film than an attempt to take old Full Moon movies, edit them down and make them into a whole new movie. If you’ve added the same Full Moon movie to your collection because of repackaging, congratulations! You’re one of us!

2000’s Prison of the Dead has been edited down to become “Crypt of the Undead.” This David DeCoteau-directed story, an eccentric rich guy tricks his friends into a reunion by pretending that he’s dead. Somehow, this leads to some undead executioners killing everyone after the adults playing teens play Ouija in an abandoned witches’ prison.

1999’s The Killer Eye is now “Terror of Vision.” Another David DeCoteau movie, this one even had a sequel Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt. To add a bit of spice, this movie is bold enough to recycle the Linnea Quigley shower scene of Creepazoids in the laziest possible manner: it’s playing on the TV in a scene. The main idea of this story is that a doctor is experimenting on male prostitutes by giving them eyedrops that allow them to see the reality beyond death and then he’s shocked when tentacles emerge out of their eyes. There’s also a giant eyeball that enjoys impregnating women, which is a fetish that I’m cynically — and sadly — sure that someone gets all hot under the glasses about*.

1999’s Totem has become “Master of Death.” Guess who directed it**? Six people are trapped in a cabin — they have been brought their by means they don’t understand other than it was an obsession — and three of them will kill the other three by the words of a prophecy. For some reason, DeCoteau was embarrassed by this. He was allowed to direct Voodoo Academy if he directed this film first.

Somehow, even cut down by a third, these movies still seem way too long. I have a weakness for movies where giant eyeballs attack people, so the second story at least held my interest.

*The Japanese invented oculolinctus for us — also called worming — which involves erotically licking your lover’s eyeball. This has led to pinkeye outbreaks.

**If more men are shirtless than women, David is behind the camera. Hey, I’m all for a little more fairness when it comes to onscreen flesh.

You can watch this on Tubi.

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