Jurassic Shark (2012)

Honestly, it doesn’t matter how good this movie is. It’s already won with a title like Jurassic Shark. I mean, that’s some Jerry Gross-level ingenuity at play.

A megalodon is unleashed by an oil rig after it goes too far into the earth. Well, we all knew fracking was going to lead to this. And by this, I mean a movie where a prehistoric shark goes after a gang of art thieves.

This movie employs one of the greatest tools in the exploitation arsenal: long, meaningless stretches of walking that pad the film out and add to its running time. For a movie about sharks and the ocean, even I was astounded by just how much walking there was in this movie.

Also, I feel kind of bad telling you just how horrendous the shark looks in this movie. I think thats a foregone conclusion that a direct to streaming shark movie is going to have horrible CGI, so I feel like you should come in with low expectations and then see if you can go lower than that.

This movie also uses another weapon in the low budget filmmakers arsenal. It has twelve minutes of credits and fifty minutes of actual movie, meaning that 19% of this movie is devoted to watching the names of the people who made it.

At one point, this was the lowest rated movie on IMDB, which I feel is being somewhat unfair. There’s bad and then there’s boring bad and this is just bad, which is a nice thing to say.

Does director Brett Kelly like sharks? Well, your answer is in the fact that he also made Ouija Shark and Raiders of the Lost Shark. You have to give him credit for knowing how to come up with a good title.

You can watch this on Tubi or get the DVD from Wild Eye Releasing.

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