From the minute Sam (Sawyer Spielberg) and Rylie (Malin Barr) get lost in the country and have their battery run down, their fate is sealed. I’m not giving you a spoiler warning. The fact is that you’re going to know exactly what you’re getting into with Honeydew, a film that retells the same backwoods cannibal religious family story you’ve been seeing since Tobe Hooper grabbed some guts from a butcher shop and let them dry out in the Texas heat to diminishing returns nearly every time.
They make their way to a farmhouse where a woman named Karen and a man we think is her son have both gone mental from sordico, a poisonous spore that infects food and can cause all manner of mental derangement. The more Sam eats — he hasn’t been allowed any real food in a while — the more he starts dreaming of characters in old cartoons discussing his stomach problems.
So yeah. I could tell you the story of Honeydew in a few sentences, but it’s another one of those movies that take forever and a day to get to its not all that shocking ending. You’ve seen it all before, but here it is with slick typography, slow-motion sequences and split screens.
Writer/director/editor Devereux Milburn has plenty of talent and I think there could be a pretty great movie from him someday. But this really isn’t it. Your mileage may vary because if we’ve learned anything from the movies that I talk about on this site it’s that today’s elevated horror just doesn’t grab me in the way that it should.
I tried to be reasonable in this review and not go with my gut, which was just to say, “Honey don’t.”