Honeydew (2020)

From the minute Sam (Sawyer Spielberg) and Rylie (Malin Barr) get lost in the country and have their battery run down, their fate is sealed. I’m not giving you a spoiler warning. The fact is that you’re going to know exactly what you’re getting into with Honeydew, a film that retells the same backwoods cannibal religious family story you’ve been seeing since Tobe Hooper grabbed some guts from a butcher shop and let them dry out in the Texas heat to diminishing returns nearly every time.

They make their way to a farmhouse where a woman named Karen and a man we think is her son have both gone mental from sordico, a poisonous spore that infects food and can cause all manner of mental derangement. The more Sam eats — he hasn’t been allowed any real food in a while — the more he starts dreaming of characters in old cartoons discussing his stomach problems.

So yeah. I could tell you the story of Honeydew in a few sentences, but it’s another one of those movies that take forever and a day to get to its not all that shocking ending. You’ve seen it all before, but here it is with slick typography, slow-motion sequences and split screens.

Writer/director/editor Devereux Milburn has plenty of talent and I think there could be a pretty great movie from him someday. But this really isn’t it. Your mileage may vary because if we’ve learned anything from the movies that I talk about on this site it’s that today’s elevated horror just doesn’t grab me in the way that it should.

I tried to be reasonable in this review and not go with my gut, which was just to say, “Honey don’t.”

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