We originally reviewed this film on June 13, 2019, just because it’s the Hoff, you know? We’ll, thanks to its Mill Creek inclusion on the Mill Creek Excellent Eighties 50-film box set that we’re reviewing in full, this month, we’re taking another crack at it. Which is more than this film deserves. It didn’t even deserve the first review.
Ugh. Let’s do this. Oh, this is not excellent. Not by a long shot.
It’s direct-to-video U.S. VHS junk like this — courtesy of the Hoff’s musical stardom in Europe, which resulted in this receiving a theatrical release in overseas markets, with another title: Wings of Freedom — that leaves no doubt as to why Linda Blair’s and David Hasselhoff’s careers cooled, quickly, after their demon possession and talking car days of yore. But, it does reunite that demon n’ hot car duo after last year’s Witchery, aka La Casa 4. So . . . there’s your Blair/Hasselhoff Trivial Pursuit movie trivia for the day to amaze your friends.
Okay, so what’s with the dopey W.B, Blue and the Bean title? Ah, it’s the kitschy kharacter names of the story: White Bread (Hasselhoff), Blue (stuntman Tony Brubaker), and Bean (Thomas Rosales Jr. from Speed and Running Scared). They’re three ne’er-do-well bounty hunters hired to protect Blair’s richy-bitchy, natch, snob — who just witnessed her playboy-cum-drug-dealing boyfriend murdered by his Columbian connection. So, if you want to see Blair sportin’ a white cleave gag in a dusty ol’ Mexican farmhouse — and what growing young lad doesn’t — then this is your movie. Will our bounty-trio save her to make it to court to testify?
Uh. Duh. What movie are you watching? Were they trying for the superior action-comedy of Stewart Raffill’s High Risk (also on the Excellent Eighties set)? If so, they failed. Utterly and craptastically.
If you want to see ex-stuntman and director Max Kleven do another film — Ruckus, which also starred Blair, his other movie we’ve reviewed at B&S About Movies — then you’re all set. Oh, and if you needed another John Vernon film to complete your set, he’s here as Linda’s rich daddy. So there that. Oh, and since we are in Mexico — and Danny Trejo needs to get his foot in the biz door — well, there’s that watch incentive. It has to be the incentive, as there’s no comedy, no “great one-liners,” and no “great entertainment.” If it wasn’t for the grey-market DVDs paper insert chaffing me, I’d use it and save the Charmin.
As we said, you can pick it up (wipe it off) as part of Mill Creek’s Excellent Eighties box set. You can also watch it for free on Amazon Prime because, well, even Amazon knows a crap bag when they smell one. But, for those without an Amazon account, we found a nice n’ muddy, washed-out VHS rip over on Tubi, which also has Witchery — so you’re double-featured up for a double-ply wipin’ night o’ flushin’.