Astro-Zombies (1968)

Look, if you’re going to do the work to make unliving body parts into unstoppable killers, do not make them stoppable by giving them the weakness of having a flashlight shined into their brains.

Ah, who cares! We should all dream for a life like Ted V. Mikels, who lived in a literal castle in Las Vegas, partying hard with his Castle Girls. The craziest of lives — in fact, many of his films — seem downright boring compared to his real life.

Working alongside Wayne M. Rogers — yes, the guy from M*A*S*H* — Mikels made this Cold War opus that also features John Carradine (who made 10% of the film’s budget) and an army led by Tura Satana, which is one I would definitely serve in.

Carradine plays Dr. DeMarco, who is using his Astro-Zombies to get revenge against everyone who called him mad by, well, being absolutely mad.

Shot on short ends at Peter Falk’s house, this film was often said to be amongst the worst ever made by critics. Well, it reached one impressionable youth in Lodi, New Jersey. Glenn Danzig’s band The Misfits would introduce this movie to their fans with the song of the same name, featuring the lyrics, “With just a touch of my burning hand / I’m gonna live my life to to destroy your world / Prime directive, exterminate / The whole fuckin’ race.”

You can watch this on Amazon Prime.

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