Dick Smart 2.007 (1967)

Lady Lister (Margaret Lee, Our Agent Tiger, Agent 077: From the Orient with Fury, Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die, Secret Agent Super DragonPsycho CircusSlaughter HotelVenus In Furs…I could and will go on) has brought together five of the world’s best nuclear scientists and locked them up in her underground base. She’s followed the lyrics of a Gossip song and begun to turn coal into diamonds. But instead of her fists, like Beth Ditto, she’s using a controlled nuclear explosion.

If only there were a secret agent to save us all. Oh, there is. Special Agent 2.007 Dick Smart (Richard Wyler, who was TV’s The Man from Interpol). He has plenty of gadgets and lives in a time when getting rid of a veneral disease just meant a prescription.

He’s assisted by secretary Jeanine Stafford (Rosana Tapajós, who is also in Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die), who hides her beauty behind thick glasses and pinned up hair, but you know how that goes. She looks just like Stella Stevens in the Matt Helm movie The Silencers and also like how Sharon Tate would look in The Wrecking Crew two days later, so the strange notion of collective intelligence has made me dwell on this movie perhaps longer than I should.

Lister also works with another villain in a wheelchair named McDiamond. I can see why the dude wants more jewels with a nom de plume like that. He also has a voice box, because nothing is scarier than someone with two handicaps coming after you. He and Lister aren’t a team for long and he’s soon torturing her, which means our playboy protagonist must save her.

Have you ever seen a movie where the hero has an LBW? That’s a Locator of Beautiful Women, which beeps whenever a good looking woman walks by. I have no idea why a vagabond fake Bond would need such a thing or the maniac who would make it.

This movie was directed by Franco Prosperi, who started as an assistant to Mario Bava, and eventually made The Throne of Fire, one of my favorite Italian Conan ripoffs ever.

Want to watch it? Good news. I posted the YouTube link for you.

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