The Return (1980)

Greydon Clark. We have him to thank for Satan’s Cheerleaders, Without Warning, Wacko and many more.

Here he brings together Cybil Shepherd and Jan-Michael Vincent as a couple that were taken by aliens as children. Yes, the romance is anything but torrid, but sometimes, we work with what we’ve got.

While stopping at a gas station late one night, a young girl on vacation and a local boy are taken by a UFO.

Twenty-five years later, that boy is Wayne (Vincent), the sheriff of that town. There have been several cattle mutilations in town, which brings Jennifer (Shepherd), a scientist in to help. Of course, she’s the girl from the beginning.

It turns out that the cows are getting all messed up because the aliens also visited a prospector (Vincent Schiavelli!) who has been using an energy knife to slice up the bovines and send them into space using a teleporter the extraterrestrials left behind.

Somehow, this movie was able to acquire the star power of Martin Landau, Raymond Burr and Neville Brand. In her book Cybill Disobedience: How I Survived Beauty Pageants, Elvis, Sex, Bruce Willis, Lies, Marriage, Motherhood, Hollywood, and the Irrepressible Urge to Say What I Think, Shepherd said that the cast was “a rather sad group of actors, all trying to resurrect our diminished careers. Raymond Burr read his lines off a TelePrompter.”

But wait — there’s more! Darby Hinton, yes, the star of Malibu Express, also makes an appearance, as does Playboy Playmate of the Month for January 1977 Susan Kiger, who also appeared in Andy Sidaris’ Seven.

You can watch this on Tubi and Amazon Prime.

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