Tag Archives: 2003

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

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This is the first film from rock star Rob Zombie, a man that I have pretty much vilified in conversations and reviews for basically filming Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 over and over again (with side dishes of Horror House on Highway 5 and Eaten Alive). That said — I watched this with an open mind and the hope of being entertained.

Zombie started directed several of his band White Zombie’s videos and was selected by Universal Studios to design a haunted maze for their Halloween Horror Nights. It was so successful that he was credited with reviving the attraction and he began a relationship with the studio. He has previously worked on a script for a sequel to The Crow called The Crow: 2037 A New World of Gods and Monsters.

Despite plans for an animated Frankenstein film, Zombie decided to turn his haunted house into an actual movie. Filmed in 2000 on the Universal Studio backlots, which gives this the same feel as the aforementioned Eaten Alive, the film was held for three years as there was concern over releasing it, due to all the blood, gore, masturbation and necrophilia. Not wanting an NC-17, Universal was content to sit on the film until Zombie bought it back and sold it to Lion’s Gate, who finally released it almost three years after the film had wrapped.

The film opens on October 30, 1977, as two criminals attempt to rob the gas station of Captain Spalding (Sid Haig, Spider Baby). It’s a quick intro to get us into the spirit of the film — down, dirty and scummy. Soon, Jerry (Chris Hardwick), Bill (The Office’s Rainn Wilson), Mary and Erin arrive, as they are traveling the country writing about strange roadside attractions.

Spalding gives them a tour of his Museum of Monsters and Madmen, during which he relates the legend of Doctor Satan, a mad doctor who was hung by an angry mob. Before they leave, he gives them a hand-drawn map to the tree where they lynched the man.

On the way, they pick up Baby (Zombie’s muse, Sheri Moon Zombie), a hitchhiker who gets in the car moments before a tire blows out and her half-brother Rufus (former pro wrestler Robert “Bonecrusher” Mukes) picks them up in his tow truck.

What follows is a descent into madness, as the Firefly family (who are all named after Marx Brothers characters) takes over the film. There’s Mother Firefly (Karen Black, Trilogy of Terror), adopted brother Otis Driftwood (Bill Moseley, Chop Top from Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2), Grampa Hugo (character actor Dennis Fimple in his last film) and the deformed giant Tiny (Matthew McGrory , a real-life giant who is also in Bubble Boy and Big Fish). The family has already kidnapped five cheerleaders and now is presenting a Halloween show to their guests, who run in fear before being taken back into the house.

The family begins to torture the four kids, including killing Bill to turn him into a mer-man like something out of an old roadside sideshow and scalping Jerry (who is named for the composer of the Star Trek theme).

Meanwhile, Denise’s dad Don and two deputies (Tom Towles from Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer and Walton Goggins from TV’s Justified) track down the missing kids, only to be killed by the family. Then, the remaining three are dressed as rabbits and chased through a maze.

Jerry — despite being scalped — and Denise survive, only to find their way to Doctor Satan’s lair, where he operates on Jerry and reveals that his assistant Earl is the father of the Firefly family. Denise, however, escapes again, only to be picked up by Captain Spalding, who offers to drive her to safety. She passes out and Otis appears in the back seat. She awakens on Doctor Satan’s operating table and that’s the end!

The footage for this film is all over the place, much like Natural Born Killers. That’s because Zombie filmed a lot of the sequences in his basement with a 16mm camera, including the opening shot of the moon.

There are moments of style here, but the film feels pretty messy, There are enough ideas to fill several films and no real cohesive tale to be told, but that didn’t take away my enjoyment of the film. It feels like there’s promise here, unlike 31, where Zombie pretty much retold this same story again. There are several films that Zombie never made, like retellings of C.H.U.D. and The Blob, as well as an adaption of his comic The Nail called Tyrannosaurus Rex that would have been an homage to violent 70’s action films. I would have loved to see what he could do with different subject matter.

The Fireflys returned for the more serious The Devil’s Rejects and will soon return one more time for 3 From Hell. You can check this one — and several of Zombie’s other films — out on Shudder.

WATCH THE SERIES: Friday the 13th part 4

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With Freddy vs. Jason stuck in development hell (what, no one just wanted to make money?), New Line didn’t want people to forget Jason. So they sent him into the future. They sent him into virtual reality. And they sent him into space.

Jason X  (2001)

In 2010 — 9 years in the future! — Jason is captured by the U.S. government but can’t be killed, so government scientist Rowan LaFontaine decides to place the killer is suspended animation. Of course, a bunch of soldiers screws the whole thing up and Jason kills everyone in his path before he stabs Rowan and freezing both of them.

445 years later, Earth is ruined so everyone moves to Earth 2. So why not send some students back to the old Earth on a field trip? Why not send their professor and an android, too? While exploring the Crystal Lake facility where Jason was experimented on? And why not put the still frozen bodies of Jason and Rowan on the Grendel, their ship? Nothing bad can happen, right?

Well, it turns out that Jason is dead and his body could be worth plenty. The Professor calls his money man, Dieter Perez (Robert A. Silverman, who has been in five Cronenberg* movies and the two episodes of Friday the 13th: The Series that he directed, too) and they discuss how Jason’s body could be worth something to collectors. Luckily — or maybe not — they bring Rowan back to life.

Of course, kids keep having sex around Jason, which brings the maniac back to life. He wipes out nearly everyone on the ship, including all of the soldiers that are on board. He even takes out an entire space station!

The teens upgrade their android, KM-14, who wipes out Jason. Or so everyone thinks — a medical station brings him back as Uber Jason, filled with cybernetics so powerful that he can punch the android’s head off. Not even a holographic simulation or a shuttle crash can slow him down! It takes flying him through re-entry and burning him up to take him out.

That said — two teens see his mask land on Earth 2, so he could always come back. He can come back, right?

This was written by Todd Farmer (Drive Angry, the remake of My Bloody Valentine) and directed by James Isaac (House 3). I have a real weakness for this film as it really goes places none of the others did. It’s the Abbott and Costello school of running out of ideas and just doing something completely off the wall.

*Cronenberg shows up in a cameo as Dr. Wimmer, too!

Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

Finally, after years of development stops and starts, arguably the two biggest horror icons of the 1980s would fight. Helmed by The Bride with White Hair director Ronny Yu, this would be the last film in both villain’s series before they were rebooted.

Freddy is stuck in Hell, powerless because the children of Springwood have forgotten about him. He disguises himself as Pamela Vorhees and sends a message to Jason, begging him to kill the teens he can no longer reach.

The adults cover it up, just as they have for years. They don’t want Freddy ever coming back, so they even send his victims to a sanitarium and give them Hypnocil to suppress their dreams. Freddy starts coming back with each kill, but then he realizes that Jason cannot be contained and that his mayhem will only cost him victims. 

Our protagonists try to pull Freddy from the dream world into our world, but Freddy catches Jason in his dream world, using his fear over drowning to defeat him. At the last moment, Jason actually saves everyone by returning to our world.

By the end, Freddy is decapitated and Jason is dead. Or is he? Of course, he raises from the lake, holding his machete and Freddy’s head as the bastard son of a thousand maniacs winks to the audience.

Sadly, Kane Hodder was replaced by the even larger Ken Kirzinger. The director wanted a bigger, bulkier Jason. Oh well. Also, Kelly Rowland from Destiny’s Child is in this.

While sequels were planned (rumored battles were to include Ash from Evil Dead, Pinhead from Hellraiser and Michael Myers from Halloween), nothing ever happened. There was a comic series that did this — more on that later.

The movie figures out a nice way to connect the characters, but they went even further in the original script. One idea was that Freddy either raped or had a consensual sexual encounter with Jason’s mother, and as a result, was Jason’s dad. Or maybe Freddy had worked at Camp Crystal Lake and was the reason behind Jason’s death. These ideas felt too contrived and were dropped.

There was nowhere else to go after this movie. It was time for a reboot.

Friday the 13th (2009)

Marcus Nispel directed the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre in 2003, so why shouldn’t he get a shot at Jason? This film is more than just a remake of the first film. It’s really a bit of the first four all in one.

We watch Jason as he watches his mother get killed by a camp counselor. Thirty years later, he kills every single teen who has comes to Crystal Lake looking for marijuana, except for Whitney, who reminds him of his mother.

Weeks later, some rich kids come to stay at a fancy cabin. They’re all fodder, too. Only Clay, Whitney’s brother, can save her. Finally, Whitney acts like Jason’s mother and stabs him, but he comes back at the end, rising from the lake.

This is a slick, CGI animated take on the Jason mythos. I’m more into the Savini school of gore, so there’s a lot of this that didn’t work for me. It’s not a horrible film by any means. But it’s not the best of the series. And while it did well at the box office, it was also the end of the series.

Or is it?