“It’s illegal…it’s immoral…and it’s so damned good!”

In the 1970s—hell, well into the late 80s—my grandfather drove an El Camino. He kept that beast in working condition long after most had been reclaimed by the earth, even if it eventually became more Bondo and black primer than actual Chevrolet steel. He loved that car with a religious fervor, so he’d be thrilled to see Eddie Joe Rodgers (Gil Gerard, TV’s Buck Rogers) tear-assing through the North Carolina backwoods, delivering moonshine in that same iconic silhouette.

In the grease-stained world of old-time bootleggers, Eddie Joe is a dangerous anomaly: a “go-getter.” He’s too fast, too bold, and he’s cutting into the established margins. He’s such a disruption to the local ecosystem that the reigning kingpin, Old Bill (William T. Hicks, the ubiquitous face of the Earl Owensby cinematic universe, which is very much a real thing), decides to break the sacred code of the hills. Instead of a local hit, Bill invites the “big city” mob—led by a young, menacing Danny Aiello—into town to liquidate the competition.

Sure, the sheriff (Mike Allen) would like to do something about it, but seeing how Eddie Joe is sleeping with both Old Bill’s daughter, Jamie Sue (Melody Rogers, who would go on to be Zack Morris’ mom) and his daughter, Ginnie (Erika Fox), does he even want to?

Director Edward Mann had an interesting career. He started as a cartoonist, syndicated for decades, and was a force in the cultural growth of Woodstock. He’d go on to direct and write several movies, including Island of Terror, Cauldron of Blood, The Mutations, Hallucination Generation and Seizure. 

The talent behind the camera is just as eclectic as the cast. Director Edward Mann had a career trajectory that defies logic. He was a syndicated cartoonist for decades and a pivotal figure in the cultural explosion of Woodstock. His filmography reads like a fever dream of cult cinema: Island of Terror, The Mutations, and Hallucination Generation.

Then there’s Gil Gerard, who didn’t just star in this. He co-wrote it. Gerard’s real life was a masterclass in “faking it ’til you make it.” After dropping out of college, he somehow bluffed his way into becoming an industrial chemist and a regional VP. When the firm asked for his Master’s degree, he didn’t confess; he just moved to NYC to drive a taxi and act. This film — which he also co-produced — served as his auteur-style calling card for Hollywood, leading him straight to the 25th Century as Buck Rogers. 

When I was a kid, he and Connie Sellecca were a power couple before she left Gil for John Tesh. 15-year-old me never got over that and also doesn’t understand that she didn’t marry Tesh until five years later, which still doesn’t explain me being irrationally mad at the composer of “Roundball Rock.”

The deputy in this is Worth Keeter, who would go on to make plenty of movies of his own, like Unmasking the Idol, Living Legend: The King of Rock and Roll, Snapdragon, and so many episodes of Power Rangers. Of course, this was made in Shelby, NC, at Earl Owensby Studios.

IMDbs often lazily claims that The Dukes of Hazzard remade this. That’s a total fabrication. While they share the same DNA of fast cars and corrupt lawmen, they are simply two different branches of the hicksploitation tree (they’re likely thinking of Moonrunners).

This is an entirely grittier, weirder beast. It’s at once Gerard making a movie where he writes, acts, sings and romances, while also being a hicksploitation film with authentic regional accents and a story perfect for the drive-ins that it would play at. I mean, how can you not appreciate a movie where a character asks her stuffed bear for romantic advice, only for the scene to veer into some of the most uncomfortable teddy bear intimacy ever committed to celluloid?

You can watch this on The Cave of Forgotten Films.

Wes Craven’s second full-length film — if we don’t include the porn film The Fireworks Woman that he directed as Abe Snake — is a trip through the Nevada desert that he wrote, produced and directed. You can see it as straight-forward narrative or you can choose to see it as a parable on how man will always be inhuman to other men.

The Carter family really gets it in this one. After being targeted by a family of cannibal savages in the Nevada desert, the family’s leader Big Bob is crucified to a tree, the daughter Brenda is raped, numerous members are shot and stabbed and also killed, one of the family dogs is killed and even the baby is threatened with being a meal.

But they retaliate with just as much inhumanity as they battle back against the desert clan of Papa Jupiter, Pluto (Michael Berryman!) and Jupiter. Even the second family dog joins in and takes out his rage on the mutant clan.

The idea of an irradiated gang in the desert is intriguing and was inspired by the Sawney Bean clan in 1600’s Scotland, which claimed the lives of nearly 1,000 people.

Additionally, Craven was inspired by The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and ended up making a film that — in my opinion — lives in its shadow. Interestingly enough, the films share product design from Robert Burns, as well as some of the exact same animal parts that decorate the homes of each film’s cannibal lairs.

There’s a sequel, a remake and a sequel to that as well. In the late 1980’s, Craven even debated a third movie that was to be set in space, while his 1995 film produced for HBO, Mind Ripper, was originally intended as the third film in the series.

Directed by Igor Auzins and written by Forrest Redlich, who created the Australian soap opera E Street, High Rolling has Tex (Joseph Bottoms) and Alby (Grigor Taylor) leaving behind their carnival jobs to head to the Gold Coast. They soon meet a hitchhiker named  Lynn (Judy Davis) and, along with two dancers, Barbie (Wendy Hughes) and Susie (Sandy McGregor), hijack a bus.

Tex is the impulsive American dreamer, while Alby provides the grounded, albeit reluctant, Australian counterpart. Their chemistry is the engine of the film, fueled by a 1970s obsession with the open road as a symbol of ultimate freedom.

What I didn’t like is that they get the Corvette they drive in by knocking out a gay man, Arnold (John Clayton) and then stealing the sports car. This scene is a jarring reminder of the year this came out. Using a marginalized character, even if they are the drug-dealing bad guy, as a punching bag to facilitate the protagonists’ journey complicates the likable rogue personas the movie tries to build for Tex and Alby.

At least the girls get to do their version of Donna Summer’s “Love to Love You Baby.” And you get to see Chantal Contouri from The Day After Halloween and Thirst on the bus.

Also: Before she became an international multi-award-winning actress, Judy Davis made her film debut in this movie as Lynn.

Also known as The Campus Corpse, Here Come the Delts and The Curious Case of the Campus Corpse, this was directed by Douglas Curtis (The Sleeping Car) and written by David Ketchum (Agent 13 from Get Smart) and Bruce Shelly.

Craig Lewis (Jeff East) pledges a fraternity along with Barney (Charles Martin Smith), a super-smart kid. They’re asked to run down a mountain only in jockstraps to prove how bad they want to join. Craig is a runner, so he’s fine, but when the other guy gets hurt, Craig runs off to get help. When he returns, the other man is dead and instead of calling the police, the frat decides to hide the body.

This has the weirdest plan: After hiding the body for a week, Rod (Brad David) and Phil (Jim Boelsen) force Craig to go to Barney’s classes. Then, they take the corpse to a ski lodge and make it look like he died going down the hill. Does it work? Hmm…

This looks like a TV movie and wildly vacillates between goofy comedy and thriller. It makes no sense and is kind of a mess. I loved it.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Directed by Rene Martinez Jr. (Road of Death, The Sexiest Story Ever Told, Supersoul Brother) and written by Gardenia Martinez, this stars Loye Hawkins as cool cat Al Connors, a Mimai detective from Harlem who has been hired by the CIA to protect Mrs. Ashanti (Patricia Fulton), the wife of a leader they’re doing business with. Spies hired by Big Daddy (Wayne Crawford, who would go on to produce Valley Girl and direct Barracuda). As you can imagine, Al goes from pretending to be her husband to bedding her.

But forget all that. Halfway through the movie, Al gets a new job, protecting Harry De Bauld’s (Steve Gallon, also known as Wildman Steve; a Miami-based DJ who would star in Supersoul Brother and release albums with titles like Eatin’ Ain’t Cheatin!!!) daughter Wanda (Cathy Davis), who he also has sex with, to the cobstrernation of his regular white girl, Sue (Wanda Starr).

Then, he challenges Big Daddy to a wrestling match to the death and walks away the winner.

Nearly every line is a blooper, the action is bad, and yet this has a heart that I really enjoyed. If you’d like to see a worse Dolemite, this movie is here for you.

You can watch this on Tubi with and without riffing.

The only movie directed by John Leone (he also wrote the Richard Fleischer movie Tough Enough), this is also known as The Goodbye Run and The Last of the Cowboys. But if you’re expecting Burt Reynolds and Jerry Reed from the title, you won’t get it. This is filmed in the dark, features moments of genuine sadness, and is a low-budget film compared to the Hollywood blockbusters of Hal Needham.

Trucking isn’t as fun as those movies in this. Elegant John Howard (Henry Fonda) is recovering in a Los Angeles hospital when his truck is repossessed. So he escapes from the hospital and plans one last perfect run, stealing back his truck and picking up hitchhiker Beebo (Robert Englund). At the same time, across the country, Madame Penelope (Eileen Brennan) has 48 hours to close down her house of ill repute.

Unable to find a load, due to his truck being listed as stolen, John takes on a job transporting Penelope and her girls — Ginny (Susan Sarandon), Alice (Mews Small), Lula (Melanie Mayron), Glinda (Leigh French, the mother of the kid who are a razor blade apple in Halloween II), Mary Agnes (Valerie Curtin) and Celeste (Daina House, January 1976 Playboy Playmate of the Month and now ministry leader at the Church on the Way in Van Nuys, California) to a new place to do business.

The only problem? Police officer Harley Davidson (Dub Taylor) wants to arrest them all and get the attention for it.

Austin Pendleton and John Byner (Bizarre!) also appear.

After this played at the Cannes Film Festival, nobody picked it up. It was a depressing movie — Ford was dying of cancer and was fighting real-life illnesses throughout — and the only taker was Dimension Pictures, which re-edited it into an upbeat story, giving it the title The Great Smokey Roadblock.

You can watch this on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meNr8PEdxps&msockid=eb7701def00211f0beccc0b7870aa2bf

The racist language used by William Sanderson — yes the guy from TV’s Newhart — as he attacks a black family is probably why this movie ended up as a section 1 video nasty. I first discovered this movie thanks to Cinema Sewer, which is where I learned of many a disreputable film.

Sanderson plays Kane, a hate-fuelled racist who somehow has found it in his heart to break out with an Asian man and a Mexican fellow, so there’s that. They break into the home of kindly Ted Turner (Robert Judd, who was Scratch in the non-Britney Crossroads) and proceed to use every racist term in the book when they aren’t beating down the black family.

Director Robert A. Edelson refused to do a commentary track when this was re-released by Blue Underground but he was kind enough (I guess) to an interview in Steven Thrower’s Nightmare USA in which he re-watched the film with his maid Dorothy. So…yeah. He only made one other movie, The Filthiest Show in Town.

Much like how the old Mom and Dad theatrical showings used to divide up audiences, the marketing of this film had black and white versions, including the title Staying Alive that was just for black audiences and unique trailers for each race. There’s also a trailer that’s just a still photo with no sound at all for thirty seconds, then the title and rating. Wild.

Many of the video nasties seem quaint today, as you ask yourself, “Why did they ban this?” This is the kind of virulent piece of hate that wouldn’t even get near a screen these days. Sure, it ends up with the catharsis of seeing the criminals pay for all of the verbal and physical terror that they unleash, but man…getting there is none of the fun.

Shi da zhang men chuang Shao Lin (Shi, The Founder and Grandmaster of Shaolin) came to America under a bunch of titles: Fight for Survival, Fight for Shaolin Tamo Mystique, Lady Wu Tang, and Don’t Bleed on Me. And oh yes, the best title of all, Kung Fu Halloween.

Directed and written by Cheng Hou, this begins with ten martial arts masters stealing the books of Shaolin to learn all its secrets. At the same time, Shi Fu Chun (Polly Jean Kwan) has been demanding to be taught at the school and has been refused because she is a woman. A former teacher, Lin Chiu, shows them their lessons and tasks them with getting all ten books back. Along the way, she gets to throw her legs and arms out all stretch-style as if she were Dhalsim. Throw in an all gold monk, goofball helpers, a ton of animal kung fu styles and Shi Fu Chun becoming a man thanks to a style that must be negated with Negative Kung-Fu. The master has forgotten this style, so he fakes his own death, leaving our heroine stuck with a mustache for some of the movie. She also does the “pick up the blazing pot and get the dragon tattoo,” as if she were Caine on Kung-Fu. 

There are some negative reviews on this, as it takes some time to get going. Ignore those reviews. This has a tiger man, a happy-laughter ending that turns tragic, and, of course, Polly Jean Kwan being an ass-kicking instrument of martial violence. I really wish that this were ten movies, one for each book, and not just this one movie. If I were a kid, I’d be drawing comic books of this all day in school instead of paying attention. As it is, I’ll be doing the same thing except at work.

You can watch this on Tubi.