BONUS WILDCARD WEEK (September 22 – 28) Go order something from the SWV website and watch it!

Directed by Ray Dennis Steckler — who said he had nothing to do with it — this adult film is on AGFA’s Smut Without Smut: Satanic Horror Nite. You can get it from Vinegar Syndrome. It also has Hotter than Hell, Satan’s Lust, Sacrilege, Satanic Sexual Awareness and The Devil Inside Her.

Cassandra the witch and schoolteacher (Jane Tsentas, Evil Come, Evil Go as well as two adult Jekyll and Hyde movies, The Jekyll and Hyde Portfolio and The Adult Version of Jekyll and Hide) seduces Jay (Gerald Broulard) by being able to talk about magic with him. Later, she get his girlfriend Maria (Ruthann Lott) to visit, drink possession tea and get tied to a table just in time for the devil (Charles Smith) to appear. Cassandra says, “My sacrilege is complete” as the couple runs from the horror they have just endured.

This feels like a softcore movie that had inserts put in for the hardcore. That said, Tsentas is gorgeous and you have to love when a witch shows up wearing a cape. I mean, I know that I do.

69 EsSINtial SWV Titles (September 15 – 21): Klon, who came up with this list, said “This isn’t the 69 BEST SWV movies, it isn’t my 69 FAVORITE SWV movies, my goal was to highlight 69 of the MOST SWV movies.” You can see the whole list here, including some of the ones I’ve already posted.

Also known as Sex and Vampires, Strange Things Happen at Night, Terror of the Vampires, Thrill of the Vampire and Vampire Thrills, this is the third time that Jean Rollin would bring a vampire movie to the screen. Look, if you’re obsessed, you’re obsessed.

Isle (Sandra Julien, Je Suis Frigide… Pourquoi?) and Antoine (Jean-Marie Durand) have just arrived in town for their honeymoon, only to learn that the cousins they plan on staying with have died. But hey — they’re house is open, right? And it’s totally not weird that the two servants (Marie-Pierre Castel and Kuelan Herce) just tell them to stay. Nor is it otherworldly that Isolde (Dominique) emerges from a clock and soon, she’s unable to go out into the sun.

Every woman is naked, bras have spikes in them, castles are filled with fog, Rollin shows a love of the lighting and colors of Bava and the band Acanthu is just rocking so hard that no one can yell loud enough over them to tell them, “Hey this is a dreamy sapphic vampire movie, maybe stop rocking so hard” and they’re just headbanging and smoke is everywhere and just go with it, man.

Also: Not the last lesbian vampire movie Rollin had in him.

Dragon Art Theatre Week (September 8 – 14) Pssst. Hey…buddy… you wanna see some naked movies with your mom in em? This stuff here is premium split tail in action, my friend, straight from the vaults at Something Weird Video. It’s all the HARD X stuff on the SWV site that I could find on Letterboxd and let me tell you, when I say HARD X I mean it! These movies show it all baby, whatever sort of freaky shit you’re into, these movies have got it. Nipple clamps, ice cubes on the balls, lesbos, homos, cumshots, whips, leather, you name it! Plus we got air conditioning and the cleanest bathrooms on the deuce. Just step inside … and if you need some luudes or a lid talk to my man Shifty over at the popcorn counter. Tell him Klon sent you.

Bob Chinn and John Holmes made a bunch of these Johnny Wadd detective movies, like The Blonde in Black Lace, Tropic of Passion, The Danish Connection, Liquid Lips, Tell Them Johnny Wadd Is Here, Tapestry of Passion, The Jade Pussycat, Blonde Fire, China Cat and The Return of Johnny Wadd. This is the second in the franchise, after 1971’s Johnny Wadd.

Sheila (Heather Starr) starts the movie engaging in a solo bedroom rodeo before a mysterious Asian man (Chinn) slices her throat. Johnny Wadd shows up, as Sheila was a lost flame, and her man Alex (Alex Elliot) claims that she was killed. Wadd finds a lotus, which is a clue, and heads off to meet with one of her friends — after we get a flashback of Wadd and Sheila — who claims to be a lesbian but is soon attempting the labor of administering an oral review to Holmes.

Another lady, Suzie (Andy Bellamy), reveals that she’s Alex’s lover and that he’s a heroin dealer and that’s what led the Asian man to kill Sheila. This leads to a kung fu battle that really is more like a slap fight, but hey, you get awesome footage of Los Angeles in 1971 and it’s less than an hour.

Only John Holmes in the 70s would have a moment where he drops his pants and the theme from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly plays.

This cost $750, actors were paid in sex and Holmes made $75. Also, some weirdo posted this goof on IMDB: “When the assassin cuts Sheila’s throat, the knife doesn’t make contact with her skin.”

Frank Henenlotter’s Sexy Shockers (September 1 – 7) We all know Frank Hennenlotter as the director of the Basket Case films, Bad Biology, Brain Damage, and Frankenhooker, but he’s also a cinematic curator of the crass! An academic of the pathetic! A steward of sleaze! A sexton of the sexual and the Sexy Shocker series is his curio cabinet of crudity. Skin and sin are mixed together in these homegrown oddities, South American rediscoveries, and Eurohorror almost-classics. Your mind may recoil with erotic revulsion at the sights contained within these films, so choose wisely!

First off, this movie has the amazing gift of a totally stolen soundtrack that includes parts of The Good, the Bad and the Ugly; at least three Beatles songs (“I Wanna Hold Your Hand,” “Good Day Sunshine” and “Yellow Submarine”) and the song that inspired Little Peggy March’s “I Will Follow Him,” Franck Pourcel’s “Chariot.”

This is the story of Pamela Goodnight (Judy Angel), who is looking for her best friend Carla. She calls her college sweetheart Wayne (James Mathers) and they spend a good chunk of the film baking the potato instead of looking for their friend, who has already been sacrificed to the dark one by Manheim Jarkhoff (George “Buck” Flower!) and his coven, which includes Boris, who has already been burned at the stake once, and Edith the witch. I mean, all Wayne has to say to set her mind at ease is, “You just let me be your daddy.”

As they descend into the Hollywood Hills, they learn that Jarkhoff runs Satanic Pictures, an adult studio devoted to making sinful cinema. He tells them that Carla was a speed freak on her way to an early grave before she burned up in a car that she never knew how to drive. In the midst of their investigation, Edith falls for Wayne and sneaks into his house as a black cat, then into his bed.

Before it’s all over, the cult has taken Pamela, Edith has fallen in love with Wayne and therefore must age into a skeleton and Satan himself shows up, wearing only the finest of Ben Cooper masks.

Edith looks like Susan Atkins when she was dancing in Anton Lavey’s Nude Witches Revue before she met Manson, in a time when the Church of Satan and a bunch of girls all living at Spahn Ranch seemed idyllic and we hadn’t yet learned of the Satanic Panic.

Also: The opening title cares are amazing.

“Night of the Warlock was filmed in its entirety in the hills above Hollywood, California by Satanic Films, Inc. whose involvement in the bizarre and the occult have gained the company a certain “notoriety” among the witchcraft groups and “covens” throughout the nation.

In the last sixteen months, the officers of Satanic Films, Inc. have received over 140 overt threats of violence and destruction if they continued to reveal the results of their research into the subject of witchcraft through the media of film.

Night of the Warlock is probably the most comprehensive and revealing film on the entire subject of the occult practices as they are pursed today by the disciples of the entity referred to as the “King of the Darkness.”

It is singular to note that since the release of Night of the Warlock, all six of the principals of Satanic Films, Inc. have met with violent death by fire — The Distributors”

This is also the only movie you’ll ever seen where George “Buck” Flower is naked except for a cape as he sneaks into the bedroom of a 70s porno blonde and gives her the stinkfinger while an instrumental of “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” plays.

1971 was a wild year and I can only imagine the audiences that saw this. It’s not really all that arousing, which is my favorite kind of adult film, one that is more out to just be oddball or upsetting. Although Edith’s Michael Aquino eyebrows are doing something to me…

You can get this movie as part of AGFA’s Smut Without Smut: Satanic Horror Night from Vinegar Syndrome. It also has Hotter than Hell, Sacrilege, Satanic Sexual Awareness and The Devil Inside Her.

Frank Henenlotter’s Sexy Shockers (September 1 – 7) We all know Frank Hennenlotter as the director of the Basket Case films, Bad Biology, Brain Damage, and Frankenhooker, but he’s also a cinematic curator of the crass! An academic of the pathetic! A steward of sleaze! A sexton of the sexual and the Sexy Shocker series is his curio cabinet of crudity. Skin and sin are mixed together in these homegrown oddities, South American rediscoveries, and Eurohorror almost-classics. Your mind may recoil with erotic revulsion at the sights contained within these films, so choose wisely!

Director Zoltan G. Spencer also made The Satanist and Terror at Orgy Castle. This time, he’s telling the story of the Hand of Pleasure, a secret organization of robotic women under the command of Dr. Dreadful (Spencer). He looks like the kind of thing if you saw it outside your home, you’re be terrified, wearing one of those old plastic see-through masks of an old man. Then again, he does say “Please excuse the mask… my face is the greatest horror of them all!” He wants to have his women sleep with spies and learn their secrets while a Sherlock Holmes-looking man — also old — tries to figure out what is happening.

Joe (William Howard, Brides of Lucifer)is one of those spies and his spying consists of watching strip club dancers and sleeping with Jill (Terri Johnson, Blood Sabbath). They end up at the doctor’s wax museum, where he claims “If my sex-transference machine can turn a woman into a man-hating robot, just think what it will do to a man!”

There’s unsynced sound, softcore performances that are so fun that everyone is smiling even when they’re whipping and choking the life out of each other, crazed narration, music that feels like it came from another dimension that we can only dream of listening to more of, stock footage, female and male full frontal, a hero that ends up making love to several women at once at the end even stacking them up as they pass out, a brainwave scanner that seems like something Cobra’s Dr. Venom would make yet only have a metal strainer to use and evil robot women who kill with their pleasurable mouths.

This movie is as wild as you’d hope and also filled with glorious padding, from nude bathing scenes that may still be playing and horse races. I’d go watch it right now if it was in a theater.

Frank Henenlotter’s Sexy Shockers (September 1 – 7) We all know Frank Hennenlotter as the director of the Basket Case films, Bad Biology, Brain Damage, and Frankenhooker, but he’s also a cinematic curator of the crass! An academic of the pathetic! A steward of sleaze! A sexton of the sexual and the Sexy Shocker series is his curio cabinet of crudity. Skin and sin are mixed together in these homegrown oddities, South American rediscoveries, and Eurohorror almost-classics. Your mind may recoil with erotic revulsion at the sights contained within these films, so choose wisely!

The 70s and its obsession with Bigfoot is something I’ve written about several times. But little did I know The Geek existed, a movie that has no known director that was shot in Oregon and has Lynn Holmes (The Undergraduate), Nora Wieternik (Flesh Gordon) and Rene Bond’s husband Ric Lutze in it. No one is sure who the other actors are, either. They play three couples who are looking for Sasquatch in the woods or as this movie refers to it, The Geek.

Of course, as you expected, all the couples have sex. Perhaps you didn’t think one would say that his sister allowed him to fondle her breasts, but look, this is 1971 sleaze and there aren’t any rules like good taste. We haven’t even gotten to the monster, who looks like Andre the Giant on The Six Million Dollar Man if he got stuck in the costume and kept pissing himself inside it.

This movie is 50 minutes long and finds time to have two crypto sexual assaults in it, which had to be what some people were looking for. I learned that Bigfoot has a small pink member and that he prefers it doggy style. Squatchy style?

This is the kind of adult film that is just so squalid and sweaty and disgusting and you know I had to watch it. There are some things in this life you need to live through, like Bigfoot pornography.

Frank Henenlotter’s Sexy Shockers (September 1 – 7) We all know Frank Hennenlotter as the director of the Basket Case films, Bad Biology, Brain Damage, and Frankenhooker, but he’s also a cinematic curator of the crass! An academic of the pathetic! A steward of sleaze! A sexton of the sexual and the Sexy Shocker series is his curio cabinet of crudity. Skin and sin are mixed together in these homegrown oddities, South American rediscoveries, and Eurohorror almost-classics. Your mind may recoil with erotic revulsion at the sights contained within these films, so choose wisely!

La Noche de Walpurgis (released in the United States as The Werewolf vs. The Vampire Woman and in the UK as both Shadow of the Werewolf and Werewolf Shadow) was the fifth time that Paul Naschy played the doomed lycanthrope Waldemar Daninsky.

Written by Naschy and directed by Leon Klimovsky (The People Who Own the Dark, The Dracula Saga), this film seems like it came from another planet, perhaps because so much of it is in slow motion. It also kicked off a horror craze in Spain that maniacs like me are still enjoying to this day.

After the last film — The Fury of the Wolf Man — Waldemar Daninsky is brought back to life during his autopsy. After all, you don’t remove silver bullets from a werewolf’s heart and expect him to treat you nicely. He kills both for their trouble and runs into the night.

Meanwhile, Elvira and her friend Genevieve are looking for the tomb of Countess Wandessa de Nadasdy. Coincidentally, as these things happen, her grave is near Daninsky’s castle, so our dashing werewolf friend invites them to stay. Within hours, Elvira has bled all over the corpse of the Countess (Patty Shepard, Hannah, Queen of the Vampires), who soon rises and turns both girls into her slaves.

But what of the werewolf, you ask. Don’t worry — he shows up too, after we get our fill of the ladies slow-motion murdering people in the forest. Also, as these things happen, Waldemar must fight the Countess before the only woman who ever loved him, Elvira (Yelena Samarina, The House of 1,000 Dolls) finally kills him again.

There’s also a scene where our furry friend battles a skeleton wearing the robes of a monk in the graveyard. Some claim that this scene inspired Spanish director Amando de Ossorio to write Tombs of the Blind Dead just a few months later.

Daninsky’s lycanthropy is not explained in this one. Was it the bite of a yeti that made him howl at the moon? Is he a college professor or a count? Who cares!

Johnny Legend’s Untamed Video (August 25 – 31) Welcome to the wonderfully wacky world of Johnny Legend’s Untamed Video! Take a walk on the wild side with troublesome teenagers, sleazy sex kittens, way-out hippies, country bumpkins, big bad bikers, Mexican wrestlers, and every other variety of social deviant you can think of.

Also known as Honey Britches, Moonshiner’s Women, Hillbilly Hooker, Little Whorehouse on the Prairie and its original title, Shantytown Honeymoon, this was originally directed by Donn Davison, who narrated trailers and radio ads, as well as managed the Dragon Art Theatre in Florida. He adirected the Asylum of the Insane inserts for She Freak, Moonshiner’s Woman and Blood Beast of Monster Mountain. Davison also acted in those last two movies, along with Crypt of Dark Secrets and Mardi Gras Massacre. Ah yes, he was also a magician and yo-yo expert. As if you need any more coolness for this man, he also got movies like Beyond The Door, Secrets Of The Gods and The Force Beyond into Southern drive-ins.

Fred Olen Ray later bought this movie, filmed a new introduction scene with John Carradine as the Judge of Hell, re-titled it Demented Death Farm Massacre and sold it to Troma. It’s claimed he made six times back the money he invested.

Shot in Alpharetta, Georgia, this is the story of Phillip (Jim Peck), Suzanne (Pepper Thurston, The Hidan of Maukbeiangjow), Kirk (Michael Battlesmith, who directs the milk commercial in Can’t Stop the Music) and Karen (Trudy Moore), who are on the run from a jewel robbery and end up in the cabin of too old for his wife moonshiner Horlon P. Craven (George Ellis, the same man who was TV horror host Bestoink Dooley and who made the baffling The Legend of McCullough’s Mountain/Blood Beast of Monster Mountain) and that way too young wife that he paid $200 for, Reba Sue (Ashley Brooks, whose only other acting role is the lead in Carter Stevens’ adult movie Tinseltown).

All of these people are stuck in a sweaty shack and when it comes out that Horlon has a fortune in there, much less that he has an attractive young wife, you can just imagine what is going to happen next.

When I had the opportunity to speak with Ray last year, he really didn’t want to discuss this film. Oh well. I kind of like just how weird it is and it’s a great story, if not a good movie.

You can watch this on Tubi.