Godfrey Ho (using the pseudonym Joe Livingstone) is the only person who could make this, a movie that doesn’t just cross genres. It violently collides with them in a head-on wreck and invites you to laugh at the debris.

Because this is a classic IFD Films production, the plot is actually two entirely separate movies stitched together with Scotch tape and worse dubbing:

The footage Godfrey Ho actually shot) Tom Saunders (Robin Gould) is an American DEA agent. He’s trying to bust a ruthless drug lord named Drug Lord (seriously, that’s basically his vibe) who is smuggling narcotics using Chinese hopping vampires (jiangshi). Tom gets blown up by a rocket launcher. RIP Tom.

The footage Godfrey Ho stole or bought: A Thai action movie, Paa Lohgan (Against the World), about undercover agents, a kidnapped woman and some gunplay.

It all gets mashed together as a plan to save Tom and stop the drug-smuggling undead comes together.

Soldier #1: Now that Tom is dead, I want to use his body to create an android-like robot. I’d appreciate you approving my application.

Soldier #2: You’re assured of success?

Soldier #1: Yes.

Soldier #2: Okay, it’s approved.

The military decides to turn his corpse into a cyborg. Enter Robo Warrior. Instead of sleek, multi-million-dollar cybernetics, our hero is wrapped in what looks like dryer vents, tinfoil and a motorcycle helmet. He walks like he desperately needs to piss and shoots lasers that look like they were drawn directly onto the film strip with a Sharpie because they were.

What follows is an endless barrage of him walking slowly through the woods, hopping vampires exploding for no reason and a ghost bride who tries to seduce our metallic hero. It all culminates in a final battle where logic goes to die and art is born.

Obviously, this was used to rip off Paul Verhoeven’s RoboCop, but following the IFD house style of making a movie come together from tons of other elements, just not what is filmed.

Keep your ears on for the sound design. The hopping vampires make a bizarre, echoing boing-boing noise every time they jump and the gunshots sound like someone hitting a piece of plywood with a flip-flop. As for those vampires, traditional Chinese folklore says you can stop one by putting a paper talisman on its forehead. In Robo Vampire, you can also stop them by shooting them with a bazooka, which honestly feels like a solid update to the mythology.

So many IFD movies feature Toto’s “Robot Fight.” One would think this one should have that song.

Somehow, this film is both the prequel to Devil’s Dynamite and Robo Vampire 3: Counter Destroy/The Vampire Is Still Alive, which is also a Freddy movie. Never change, Godfrey Ho. Keep putting tinfoil Officer Murphy in every movie.

You can watch this on Cultpix.